I am so lost

Hi
my wife was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer that has spread to her leg, it has come as total shock, when they first suspected cancer a couple of weeks ago I started to cry all the time, now it had become even more harder to control. 
to feel grief for the life that we have lost is not selfish, but like you I do feel extremely guilty, we haven’t told our kids how bad it is, they say she is advance and can only treat not cure. 
None of my kids have spoken to be about it, and they are young adults. 
Everyday I drive to work crying, howling and sobbing I am sure I am not the only one. 

In a word Arlia, No.  No you are not being selfish. You don't say how old your children are, but whatever their ages, none of you are fine and that's normal, understandable and perfectly OK.  Maybe you went back to work a bit too soon.  Maybe they don't understand, but they should and should be making adjustments for you and helping you to be in work in such difficult times.  Do you have a Human Resources/Personnel section that you could speak to, or occupational health.  Counselling isn't for everybody, but don't rule it out.  Talking to someone who isn't involved in your situation personally can be a huge help.

Oh and who cares if the house is a mess.  It's not going to fall down because you didn't tidy up, dust, hoover or wash the pots xx

I have just joined the carers forum. I have posted on the Lymphoma forum but I think this one is more appropriate. I too go through so many emotions. My husband has finished chemo and it wasn't as bad as we were expecting. Radiotherapy started yesterday. I should be feeling positive but I feel so  anxious. I find not being able to attend appointments because of Covid so frustrating. I just have to stay at home and worry. It's nice to know I can share on here without feeling guilty,  all these feelings are generally shut nside. 

It's so hard isn't it. I feel so helpless and yet everyone is expecting me to just be ok and I'm not ok. Also doesn't seem to matter how many times I say that to people they just sort of look at me like why are you not ok. If that even makes sense?! 

Hiya, so my son with lymphoma is 21 and his siblings are 19 and 16. All boys so they do the whole we are fine act but they're obviously not fine. 

I've been in touch with my union and HR so trying to get something sorted but honestly I think I did go back too soon. 

Hi Arlia.  Did you manage to get something sorted out with your work situation. Why anyone would think that you should be ok is beyond me frankly.  Of course you are not ok and neither are any of your children.  You are all shell shocked and traumatised, anybody who doesn't understand that needs their heads examining