My husband who is only 55 has terminal cancer, lung metasteses from head and neck cancer . He says he has always excepted his fate and even before they sad it had spread he said he accepted/expected it would become terminal so was prepared when we were told. He managed to continue with normal activities until a couple of weeks ago then things changed. He has more symptoms fatigued and short of breath on climbing stairs etc. He has also taken to his bed and I feel is pushing me away, he doesn’t really like me close to him He tells me to go upstairs to bed despite me having a z bed set up next to his downstairs, we need to sort his affairs eg bank, I need passwords etc but he is reluctant he gets irritated and says he is too tired and to do another day. He lies on the bed 24 hours doesn’t want to sit in the garden, go out in the car. It all seems to have escalated since the palliative consultant called him unfortunately it was the only time I had popped out, he told me she said he had days to weeks to live, I questioned him as thought strange to say. He then said she said he had a shorter rather than linger time to live and he interpreted it as days to weeks. I am getting very isolated, tearful and lonely not feeling like a wife anymore, has anyone experienced there loved one change drastically and become distant Thanks
Hi Roberta8 , Thank you for your message and kind words. It is such a cruel disease, please make the most of the time with your husband. We would have traveled more and would have loved to go to Scotland, in fact had it all booked but couldn’t because of Covid.
Take care
gentlewaves
Hi,
Yes we had booked a holiday to Corfu last year, but due to Covid it never happened and now never will. I cant dwell on things like that though or I think I would become really bitter, which I try not to do. (Not always easy)
Roy didn't have too good a day yesterday, ate almost nothing and was very 'distant'. He seems in better spirits today.
Its just how it goes. I have come to the conclusion that it is his life and if he says he wants to either go in a home or a hospice, instead of remaining here at home, then I must go along with this. As he says he has very little power himself, in the way of his limited future, so where he is should be up to him.
He has however, agreed to emotional support from the local hospice, something I have, but which he has always refused.
Take care and have some time to yourself if possible, it does help to have a short break, even if just a coffee with a friend.
Love
Llamalover xx
Hi Roberta8
We have had a couple of up and down days, today seems better then yesterday.
I know exactly what you mean about friends....we had a couple that we have known for years come to visit yesterday and when my husband said he had had enough and it was no life (not exactly subtle, but he isn't), they said "dont talk like that, you look really well"! Guess its the denial in people, I would probably be the same.
I wish I could cook for my husband, but he is at that stage where a bowl of soup is enough for him, and not even that sometimes. He just has no appetite at all. He has done better today though. I think its the wife/mother in me that needs to see people eat, although I'm no 'foodie' myself.
Roy has seen a bit of the cricket, but is watching tennis at the minute. Anything to take his mind off himself!
Hope you have a decent weekend,
Take care
Llamalover xx
Hi Llamalover
Hope your weekend goes reasonably well,
really admire your husbands attitude to the situation- he certainly doesn’t need to be subtle!
Busy day for us, but I think we’re coping, Chris quite depressed today.. but I’m pretty upbeat/ glass half full person so ok.
did FaceTime with daughter and much loved amazing Italian/Australian son in law this morning from Oz which really helped
yes, we’ve had strange experiences with “friends/couples we’ve known for 30-40 yrs.
unfortunately I didn’t deal very well with wife of one of his oldest friends.. after being told “how bad it really is” she kept on warbling on about how he shouldn’t give up..new cures are being found every year…… even Chris said “what does she not understand about stage 4 incurable cancer???
then she kept ringing us about “cures”/operations she’d heard about.. most of the recipients died…
Then one night she rang me for “a chat” well no thank you! I passed her straight on to Chris and he was mortified… saying I’d so insulted been even rude to her.. I ended up having to apologise to the idiot!
One day we’ll look back at this terrible time and feel at least we did all we could!
much love x
ps are you based in the South?
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