Everything feels really surreal - tips on working

Hi and welcome to the community, though sorry to hear about your mum.

Perhaps one of the benefits of covid is there is a lot more information around about working from home - I found this article from the NHS with a number of tips. 

I know when Janice was really ill I found work was a bit of an escape in to normality, somewhere I felt in some kind of control and, fortunately, my boss was very understanding. I have know others who do leave work to look after their loved ones too so there is no right answer.

Trying to maintain positivity is really difficult and just as in the working from home tips there is an important element all carers learn - we need to remember to look after ourselves. You might also find some tips in Looking after someone with cancer 

<<hugs>>

Steve

Hi time_is-forever  so sorry to hear about your mum. 

You don't say what your job involves and I appreciate some jobs transition to home working easier than others. I'm a team manager for a bank so running a team from home is a bit like herding a field of invisible sheep!  Work has been a great distraction for me since my husband's diagnosis in August and subsequent surgery etc. I was a mess the week I had off on annual leave because it left me with too much time to think.  

I think it depends on a few things- if you have a sympathetic boss that helps enormously. Mine has been so flexible. Getting time outside during the day is also vital for me. Even if its just 5 minutes in the garden, I need fresh air. A walk or a run is a huge help when I feel like and the lovely Scottish weather allows. Communication is also a key - finding time to talk to colleagues/friends etc . it helps you feel less isolated whilst working from home. 

I guess at the end of the day its all about finding a balance that suits you.

take care

Wee Me  xx

Hi src60,

Thanks for replying to my post so quickly and for those links. Was just looking at the NHS one and had some useful things to note. Especially about looking after myself, feels like something that has definitely gone by the way-side lately.

Thanks again, nice speaking to someone who knows what it's like.

Hi Wee Me,

Thank you for your message. I'm a volunteer manager at a baby bank charity, so having a very similar feeling of herding sheep/at time goats! I think if it was in more normal times work would be a better distraction, because I would have social/outdoor things to also occupy my mind. But as I myself am immunocompromised, with my treatment for crohn's, I haven't seen that many people throughout this. 

Also, as work can be quite emotionally taxing, as there is that pressure to get everything done because we have families in dire situations who rely on us. But with all this happening I feel at my emotional limit if that makes sense. I've tried to explain this to my boss, who tells me to "do what I can" which is hard to define, when some days all I feel like doing is curling up on the sofa and watching rubbish TV.

This is really good advice though and will try the 5 min outside a day, hopefully that will help things to not feel so closed in.

Thanks
time_is_forever xx

Hi time_is_forever, 

I can relate to you so well as I am in the same situation until this week. I was trying to field calls, make sure dad was OK, manage my anxiety and grief all while trying to work from home. I found working from home actually made things worse - I had no distractions or somewhere else for my thoughts to go.

I decided the best option for me was to take time off work until I am able to deal with this better.  I need to get out of the house for exercise, company, chats, and also escape into feelgood movies. All of that. 

My GP and boss are very sympathetic and this was the right thing for me to do. 

I wish you all the best and hugs. These are tough times for us.

AngApp

Hi , I was very interested to read about you working for a baby bank. When we had our son my wife started going to our local baby cafe https://www.thebabycafe.org/ and then as our son grew a bit older she started being more of a volunteer there rather than simply a mother. She gave if up when our son started school as she could not really do the cafe and the school run. Even now with out son 16 she still gets people coming up to her in the street who remember her as a welcoming face there.

<<hugs>>

Steve

Hi time is forever, I know what you’re saying with regards to work. I too am looking after my mum ( nsclc not sure of stage yet , just waiting for PET scan results) I moved my mum in with me after my dad passed away suddenly in 2011. She’s always been fit for her age ( 68) until a few months ago. 
trouble I’m faced with is I am a HCA for the NHS ( been there 15 years) and I’m too scared to go to work at the minute with all the COVID incase I bring it home ( mums vulnerable now) . So I haven’t been to work since we got her diagnosis ( 25th November) 

I keep thinking about quitting my job to care for her ( I know she will need it after her treatment) I’m torn at the mo 

take care xx

Hi @Angapp, yes all of the above! I'm going to see how I am after the christmas holidays and if I am still finding it tough I guess I could request time off and see what it's like before I decide to fully resign. I'm glad you figured out what was right for you and hugs to you too!

time_is_forever

Hi Steve,

That's lovely to hear, before covid it really was a great place of community, hope it can be that again one day soon!

Hi Toot22, 

Sorry to hear you're going through all that, can't believe how similar our situations are. When it's all happening you don't feel like anyone else out of your family can really understand it, but then you don't always want to talk to them about these kinds of things, until this group, it's been a real relief. Thank you for sharing your situation with me.

I see what you mean, it's such a tricky decision to make, it's the same struggle I have. Steve early on said there is no right answer, which I agree with, but just makes the decision harder, as it's less clear cut.

Whatever you decide, I'm starting a little to see the benefits of carving out a tiny bit of 'me-time', before I felt selfish doing it, but now I feel a bit calmer and on a more emotionally even-keel to look after my mum. I hope you're able to do that.

Warm wishes xx