Getting Married

Hi Mews29, myself and now husband got married last year after been together for 26 years, since teenagers. We however have lived with each other the large majority of the time however I do see how been together and living apart has its appeals! We have three children together. I did not want a fuss, we had a very small ceremony in the registry office but in what was called a ceremony room which was much nicer, more decorative and very spacious. However as there was only 9 people there in total including myself and now husband they arranged the chairs in a lovely semi circle creating a more intimate ceremony. My husband is incurable and at that time very ill and frail as was inbetween treatments so chairs were provided for us also and we stood to make our vows. We told no other family members or friends that we were getting married until after we had done it. Yes some were offended but the people we really wanted there were there and after 26 years together and going through what we have and continue to do so I think we have earned the right to be selfish and do what we wanted. My advice would be keep it simple and good luck x

Thank you Sunflowers15. We'd definitely keep it small. X

Hello Mew29. My partner and I of 18 years had our own places and, like you think that is what worked. I owned my house and was with me part of the week with his own place which was a boat a couple of days per week or whatever.  Cancer changed that. The treatment was quite brutal and he moved in full time when the terminal diagnosis was given and likely not to live for 2 years. .  Difficulty from us not really being domestically compatible and cancer does not explain why he is incapable of tidying up or putting something down so it can be found again.  Quite tough to be cross with someone facing death in the face.   Married in registry office and making things legal and tidy for decision making.    I would not have got married if not for the illness, so he finds it hysterically funny to call me Wife. Hmm. 

Thank you, NellieJ.

I know what you mean about being domestically incompatible  He's been with me more at times when he feels unwell and like you I tred lightly around someone with an unpredictable amount of time left but it would be nice to be officially family.

Bless you x My partner and I are much the same as you however we have already agreed should one of us become terminally ill we would get married. A registry office wedding is usually in a lovely setting but you coukd marry in a place that is ordained. My nephew for instance got married in Sherwood Forest. Only big enough for 50 guests but they had a wonderful day. 

Hope he has agreed and you can get something sorted asap. You should be able to get a special licence  x 

Thank you, Sweetju.

I like the idea of a special place but think the easier it is for him the more likely As my brother said "youve done so much for him he should do this for you." Its awful to have to think of such things but we have to face reality. Its not about finances, it's about being officially family.

I think being officially family can be important. I have, unfortunately seen situations where extended and first families have different views on what is important and making decisions  -  there can be conflict.  Having a marital status may help avoid or reduce this. A very sad situation was a friend of mine who was in a same sex relationship which was not acknowledged by the biological family of her partner. Next of kin status was with the biological family and the partner was excluded from decision making during and after death. Difficult enough loosing a partner without being excluded.  

I believe you said you have Power of Attorney and this does sound a good thing.  I hope you and your partner can plan an event that feels right for you all and that being family will draw you all closer together. 

Thank you, NellieJ

He got down on one knee and asked me to marry him. I sobbed my heart out that night. Thinking he's asked me because he's dying. I've booked the appointments for each of us to give notification of marriage. We don't have a date for the wedding yet. I sobbed again from the stress of all the burocracy I had to fight through to get that far. And the Ed Sheeran started to sing....well that set me off. 

Hi there, I can well understand how emotional and exhausted you must feel. Personally, when things overwhelm me I try not to overthink, I guess it's me trying to protect myself. I hope that you can get all the tedious business out of the way soon so you can concentrate on making the wedding the day that you both want. Wishing you all good things xxxx