THE ORIGINAL GANG OF MUSHROOM ROPE BUILDERS (i.e Mel & Em's thread cont...)
FormerMember
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This is the start of a new journey for me and my much loved friends from the original Oesophegus thread on general discussions.
We have become a close group and this will be our new home to continue our journey as life has become very hard for many of us and we keep re-living our journeys with lots of newbies which puts us all back a bit.
So my lovely friends Mel, Sam, Helen, Bern, Jac, Nic, Dawn, Sue, Cath, Lesley, Jani and the many other special friends Mel and I have made over the last 16 months this is it we have a new home.
Love to all and extra strength to carry us through our next stage XXX
FormerMember
Morning all
Just wanted to check in to send you all a hug but especially to Jac. We're all close by.
First post of the Day award goes to me........Hoorah!!!!! Doesn't mean though I have to write anything good though!!!
Mel - super wonderful mushroom. I knew you would mark your mums special day in a very special way. ooooo big hugs for you honey. As Kelsey said, your post just oozed love and a determination. To have a coffee day surrounded by friends, manking money for Mac and tears and smiles wow........what can I say? Rochelle.....you are a very special lady too and I think yours and Melanies guardian angels did a good thing when they introduced the two of you to each other.
Jac - I hope the night was peaceful for you all. My thoughts and prayers are still with you today. Keep it going lady. Don't be afraid. You will all keep the strength you need. If you feel it falter, ask for help. It comes to you. X
Kelsey - I have a trick - I used to look deep into my dads eyes and forgot how much weight he had lost. Cause deep in his eyes, his smile, his hands was my same dad. My dad not affected by this illness. It worked for me. I hope you find something to work for you too, cause at times when we look at the eterior we fail to look close enough at the inside - which is what counts.
Sam - hope you alright honey. You not been around too much. Well, in the sense of saying how you are. You do what you want when ready, just don't hide away cause you are protecting others. I have mrs Gummidge and my batfink wings all polished up and ready for action when needed!!!
Barbie - hey doll. Ooops...I owe you a PM. I will get on it...naughty me. No gold star for me today for being good. But, I have my naughty head on and when I am bad I am very good!!!! hee hee. Hey tell the lady who never visits but secretely does!! I send my love to her today
Sorry folks, quick post so can't mention everyone personally...oh Yes I can..Hello to Emma, Nic, SAM SAM, Cath, Lesely, Wendy, Dawn, Michelle - you back from hols yet? Becks, Donna, Anne, Helen (Moomy), and everyone else that my brain has not comptured at this early hour of the morning!!
Well, I have been a bit of a renegade and tried to rally up the troops. I don't normally do things like this, but I think it is the right time. We all know this very special lady and her family need the Mac spirit sent their way. Bit worried in case I am seen to be stepping out of line. It is done now though and I will take the rapped knuckles, cause I believe the love that will be sent will be worth it.
Have a good day all. My happy thought for the day.......... I am a very lucky lady. Through pain and fear I saw beauty, love and my heart was opened to true love and friendship. My fight is to not to close down the barriers cause the power of the spirit is more rewarding than fear. It is everlasting and is food for the soul. Ooodles of hugs and much strength being sent as there are many here struggling at the moment. Love Bern xx
Well guys I am under a dark cloud as usual. Feeling deeply for our Jac and also had our 16yr old rottie put to sleep on saturday. Does'nt seem so bad if you are'nt a dog lover but she has always been a part of mine and Tony's life together she moved in with us the 1st day we lived together.
Well no news is good news i'm hoping on the scan front!!!! if only they could think ooohh we will let her know!!!
awww Ems, it is rubbish losing a pet. Big hugs for you.
Come on Lovely, we are all here to blow this dark cloud away. Come on take a deep breath and pucker those lips...nah not for kisses, for blowing the clouds away!!! I can see some rays of sunshine trying to break through the darkness, if you get a few glimpses and feel some of the rays on your cheek then the darkness is just shadow.
Jac - I hope and pray that all is still peaceful with you. You are all still in my thoughts X
Mel - we are all so proud of you, your mum is proud of you too X
Em - I am so sorry to hear about your beloved dog. Being a dog lover, I do understand how you feel as I will be heartbroken when we have to say goodbye to our little one. They do become a part of the family and leave a huge gap when they are gone. Big (((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))))))) my friend X
Helen - love you my yenor forever friend and hope that today you manage a few smiles X
Rochelle - your post from Friday certainly struck a chord with me, especially the sentence "I feel like I carry a certain sadness deep within me that perhaps many can't see (although I know some can) I can't see that ever leaving me". Hun, I feel exactly the same way. (((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))) for today and hope that your cold clears up soon. The missing is the hardest part isn't it? X
Kelsey - yes, it is this Wednesday that I go, fingers crossed. Hun, I know how hard it is to see your dad this way but Bern is right, he is still there, if you look you will find him. Remember that you can still call me if you ever need a chat X
Bern - thank you so much for the card, it was lovely. I know you are here for me and it means such a lot my friend X
Wendy - sorry I haven't been in touch for a few days hun. I hope you are ok, we will have that chat this week, I promise. Hugs for you and the little one X
Cath - it was good to see you popping in again, I think of you often X
Nic - sending you a big (((((((((((((((((hug)))))))))))))))))))) in case you need it. Come say hello when you can X
Michelle - Not sure when you are due back but hope the holiday is going well. We are here for you for when you come back X
My friends, I am struggling very badly at the moment, more than I have done so far. It could be the lead up to the first anniversary, not sure but it's not good whatever and I do feel as though depression is starting to take a hold on me. My grief knows no bounds at the moment and I am crying quite a lot, missing Dad so so much now and can't quite grasp the finality of it all even after nearly ten months. I am comfort eating constantly and just feeling so low all of the time, even the smallest of things is a huge chore and I have become such a hypochondriac. There you have it, I am a wreck! This time last year, Dad started his five days of radiotherapy and then on the 11th he had the one lot of chemo which as you know was the beginning of the end, it was all downhill after that and I am reliving it all over and over. Maybe this is normal, I don't know but I have certainly found that black hole that you talk about Em and it's not good. I am sorry for going on about me and know that there are many of us suffering, I am not the only one feeling crap but I just needed to say how I feel, it's good to be able to write it down and know that my friends here will understand.
Sam, big hug for you and I am shining a big bloody torch your way.
What you are feeling is not abnormal. The first anniversary is tougher than any of us realise. Cause up until this point the focus has been on taking little steps. On overcoming all the other 'firsts'. Yet the build up to the first anniversary brings us back - bit like a time machine. As you say you do re-live it.
Honey keep writing. I don't have any easy answer for you, this is something you must go through, yet remember that we are all here by your side. You will get through this Sam. Just fight back cause everytime you hit a wall or really low and feel that you can't do anymore. Think of the pride that you felt with your dad, the strength that he showed. It hurts I know and it also reminds us and gives us the strength that we need to continue.
Come on Love, don't beat yourself up. Comfort eat if you want. Its better than drinking or doing drugs!! You can lose the weight when you are ready for that. The way I coped was everyday I awoke, I said good morning to my dad and promised myself that today is going to be a good day. I allowed myself to cry and feel sorry for myself. I allowed myself to be me. I forced myself to remember and be grateful for all the good that I shared with my dad. Bit by bit you get there. It is a fight for life Sam and one you will win. Love Bern xx
Sam, bern is so right hunny. The first anniversary is the WORST time you will have since losing your Dad it's the build up and anticipation of that date but you will get through it as I did and you will find a new way of coping when that date passes.
It sounds so awful the way I brush it off but I really do think we set ourselves up for a tough time leading up to the biggie dates and I think we would'nt be normal if we handled it any other way. The balloons will fly the tears will flow but hunny it won't change the fact that Dad has gone and you have been dealing with that for the last 10 months it won't get any easier but it cannot get much harder as for the black hole fall in for a little while hunny if you need but the rope will be coming down after you I promise we will not let go.
Bern - thank you for that. I hadn't thought of looking deeper than the exterior and I will try so hard to do that. I feel fairly peaceful. As I said I've got a new job and it's a pretty good one (at least it is on paper so I hope it lives up to expectations!) My dad is thrilled for me. I know he was proud of me before but now I know he's really proud. It's sounds mad I know after all it's just a job but I feel it's one thing off my list 'to do'. I know I sound crazy as though I had a 'make dad proud item' but I feel good about it and I know he does too. Thanks a million as I can always count on you for kind words.
Em - so sorry about your dog. I had one from the age of 10 to 26 and flew on holiday the day he had to be put to sleep. We couldn't even sit together on the plane so I sat behind my now hubby blubbing. It's tough for you on top of everything else.
Sam - that number works both ways my love. Pick up the 'phone if you need me.
Jac - been thinking of you today and hoping you're keeping your strength up. Please come here when you need us.
Mel & Helen - you're unusually quiet are you plotting mischief?!
