THE ORIGINAL GANG OF MUSHROOM ROPE BUILDERS (i.e Mel & Em's thread cont...)
FormerMember
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This is the start of a new journey for me and my much loved friends from the original Oesophegus thread on general discussions.
We have become a close group and this will be our new home to continue our journey as life has become very hard for many of us and we keep re-living our journeys with lots of newbies which puts us all back a bit.
So my lovely friends Mel, Sam, Helen, Bern, Jac, Nic, Dawn, Sue, Cath, Lesley, Jani and the many other special friends Mel and I have made over the last 16 months this is it we have a new home.
Love to all and extra strength to carry us through our next stage XXX
FormerMember
Why does sddness hit me like a wave....I can be fine for ages then I feel a thud in my chest and feel such tremendous loss rise up towards my shoulders to my head and the need to cry becomes overwhelming? It is such a physical experience....not just that I need to cry and it hits with the force of a tidal wave.....
DH has a little pea sized lump on his face one which I have been ignoring for a few days....don't fancy any more trips to drs, they smile and say something on the line of, that will be a maligancy....it all feels so defeatest...smile and ask how the children are....smile and talk about the weather....football.....you know what; yip we smile back....no treatments now offered, no life saving procedures discussed....its all so surreal...then we stand up, thank the dr, offering a hand of friendship and leave. Why can DH not just have one thing, why does everything have to grow, to expand, to cause such devastation....When he was first diagnosed my mother said.....Don't worry it cann't be that bad, its only in his face......little does she bloody realise!
Your strength is unbelievable some how you have managed for all this time to get through such a difficult journey. My word girl no wonder you get that feeling of overwhelming need to let your emotions explode.
Give yourself a break hunny your only human. As for DH having everything thrown at him I can only say how unfair that it is this way the Dr's and nurses have to avoid conversation with you as they can only imagine the pain you and your family are going through.
Jac, Go out to the end of the garden and scream your bloody head off. You need to hunny.
Jac I had no idea how physically emotions can effect a person, till I walked this journey with my Mum.
There were times that the hurt was so bad I thought "I can't breathe!". I cannot comprehend how my Mum showed the courage and strength that she did.
I also found it weird that complete strangers could easily come to terms with Mum's terminal diagnosis. Accepted, hands dusted, like it was a complete done deal set in stone. When Mum got passed the 12 month time frame, everyone was "Oh hasn't she done well !" when she finally lost her battle everyone was "But she was so lucky to have those extra months"
Crazy crazy world when you have to be greatful for 6 more months at such a young age.
Well I am going to say what should be said.
THIS IS ALL BLOODY WRONG !
THIS SHOULD NOT BE HAPPENING !
LIFE IS NOT SUPPOSE TO BE LIKE THIS !
THIS IS NOT FAIR !
We care Jac, and we understand. It is not only DH's face, it is your complete world that has been turned upside down. As for the ejit comment from you Mum, I can say no more for fear of being expelled from Mac forever.
I can't scream......have cried..... two things happened today can I share?
My children made DH and I cards, just to let us know they loved us....in my youngest daughters card she slipped in a handwritten note...I wish you could see it, decorated with butterflies and flowers it read, in the most beautiful child's script..... I will look aftet you when Daddys gone..... Words cannot describe the emotion I felt, this child of 8 seemed to understand my fear and captured it in one small sentence. I hope she knows just how much we love her back.... My baby of three, starting nursery on Monday....was sitting muching on his breakfast this morning said...you will be sad when I go to school....I said....sure I'll be okay, but he came back with you won't have anyone to play with because daddy is sick....you might be very lonely..... I know we will be okay and I know we will be sad but God I am blessed for such beautiful children!!!! Beautiful inside and out!
I have tears in my eyes after reading what thoughtful children you have. It is so good to see that your children realise the situation and want to support you in a way that many adults cannot do.
Such joy to be able to see the love of a chil and the warmth in their hearts.
Jac, I hope there love will carry you through the journey you are on.
Peeps I have to agree with our auld EMS..... its easy to hide away especially when things are getting tough...God knows I do it often enough, but you know its beacause I am usually so far past my self I don't know if I'm coming or going....bad thing. Then other times I read posts and feel I cann't support because I am so worried about sounding too pessimistic....because my day has been rough.....so again I avoid....My father always told us growing up....if you have nothing good to say say nothing.....I'm sorry if I have taken this literally and offended any....I do care, just some days it feels like my life has imploded and I need to spend some time clearing up the debris! I think we all post here because sharing with like minded, non judgemental people is therapeutic.... ....lets get keyboard bashing....a sport that although can be enjoyed individually is much better as a group activity.... Pleassssssssssssssssssssseeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!
To be honest with you, I have watched this thread from the sidelines for the last few days, as it's been nice to see the "originals" back together. You guys have a very special bond as you all started your journey at the same time together on here and I felt that although all our circumstances are horrid, its nice to see that bond flowing again.
Jac..... I just wanted to say that you are inspirational. You are living in such a terrible terrible nightmare, yet you are holding together a young family, a house whilst caring for your very sick husband. You are supporting the most valuable people in your life ... your husband and your children, please dont worry about supporting others aswell. Just by your little animations we know you care xxx I am so sorry that you are having to travel this awful journey and please take comfort knowing that we know how you are feeling and do not jusge anything you say or think. My thoughts are with you, hubby and children. xxxxxxxxxxxx
Em's.... Anymore news from Dr's/hospital. Hope you are feeling ok xxxx
Mel.... Hope you are Ok... Thank-you for your message last night, sorry if what i said was out of order... I just still feel raw and abit angry i guess..
Helen.... Hope things are OK with you, sending you much love and thoughts
Rochelle... Hope you are finding the odd thing to make you smile
Sam... I know you are holiday, but you are still in our thoughts
Bern.. Hope the job is going OK
Sorry if I've missed anyone, but sending you much love
Pleassssssssssssssssssssseeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!
