THE ORIGINAL GANG OF MUSHROOM ROPE BUILDERS (i.e Mel & Em's thread cont...)

Barbs you amaze me, always have done and now am more so...you and ems are so right, i shouldn't be wishing this over but enjoying each day but life here is so strained. Although still up and about, DH doesn't want to be too involved....likes bit of quiet and as his tumor grows and new symptoms develop I wonder where the humanity is in letting him exist like this......when does God decide enough is enough...how much more does my man have to endure?

Jac, I totally sympathise my girls have worn me down lately and I have heard Tony a few times shout at them with words along the lines of would you prefer Mum to go back to hospital.

It's hard as you have to give them a bit of rope but then they do take a mile.

Try not to let them get you to frazzled although easier said than done.

XXX

Right I am going to have to love and leave you I have lots of babies asleep and need to get myself sorted out for tomorrow. I love you both more than you could know XXX

Thanks for that ladies.....at a bit of a low ebb these days, nice to know you lot are still around. Cancer is one hell of a lonely place. Wanna hear what a dimwit told me yesterday.....he told me about a man in our area with terminal cancer...only 38....sorry Mels....to which I replied welcome to our club....just to be told that obviously this case was much worse, he has 7 children and his wife is a housewife...hummm....what makes one situation worse than another....who has the right to benchmark cancer in respect to an individuals family life....surely everyone is having a shyte time (sorry mac).......

Jac,

There is a place in your mind that parcles that fear in a wrapping of numbness. The problem is, you can't lock one emotion away without locking away the others.

Everyone of us that have walked in your shoes, accepted the numbness, to allow self preservation to just enable us to cope with what would follow. Each one of us was calm, soothing, gentle, accepting, but inside ....... well it was all locked away. How could we even go to the place where we felt the pain of losing our loved one? Impossible.

I wonder sometimes if I had opened that parcel, said and felt everything full on, would I have less pain today? I regret letting words out in Mum's last moments in panic, when I had a whole life time to say them.

I imagine the fear of giving a burden to each other, keeps the calmness. DH is already going through so much, why give him your pain on top?

I imagine he is thinking the same thing Jac.

There is no right or wrong Jac, just love.

We are all afraid together.

X

I need a sleep thanks for that
wee vent infact flowers all round

~Mels to you my friend...kind words of wisdom as usual....thankyou!
I am numb!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and so very afraid!

Barbie didn't want to upset you, I hope I haven't! xxxxx

Jac hun we dont think for one mo that u are wishing this over - u are wishing for normality - wishing that your man was not suffering as he is at the mo - wishing for a little luck as u must be due some hun.

The pressures on u as a wife a mum a person must be so bloody hard hun and nothing can help at the mo - as em said u are one of the strongest people i know - but even strong people need a let up some times - although the path is not made for u guys yet u will make one as u go - u are already and will make this ok for dan - and when the time does arrive u will build with ur kids - jac we all have the faith that u can and will do this and for the times where u have doubts or black moments we will be here with u - this wonderful rope has us all tied together and none will fall too far without another coming to pull them back.

I wish we could do more hun and given the chance i know many of us would be queing to get over to you to take some of this load - but we can take some via here.

Ems u get off girl and sleep well - i hope things start getting better for u hun. We do know em as we feel exactly the same hun.

Much love to you both

Jac i is still here so keep talking if u wish

I take it i be billy again - some things around here never change. hee hee

Night to all my wonderfull friends

xx