THE ORIGINAL GANG OF MUSHROOM ROPE BUILDERS (i.e Mel & Em's thread cont...)

FormerMember over 17 years ago

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This is the start of a new journey for me and my much loved friends from the original Oesophegus thread on general discussions.

We have become a close group and this will be our new home to continue our journey as life has become very hard for many of us and we keep re-living our journeys with lots of newbies which puts us all back a bit.

So my lovely friends Mel, Sam, Helen, Bern, Jac, Nic, Dawn, Sue, Cath, Lesley, Jani and the many other special friends Mel and I have made over the last 16 months this is it we have a new home.

Love to all and extra strength to carry us through our next stage XXX

FormerMember over 16 years ago

Hope you can all see this.

New Recruit

You are listening to Stevie Wonder
(Your first day at work and all is fine and great)

A couple of months into the job

You are listening to HOUSE music
(After a while you are so busy that you are not sure if you coming or going anymore)
Your team is understaffed and your boss needs more more more

You are listening to Metal
The days blur into each other

You are listening to Hip Hop
(You become bloated due to stress, feel sluggish and suffer from constipation)

A year in

You are listening to GANGSTA RAP
(After more time passes, your eyes start to twitch, you forget what a 'good hair day' feels like as you just fall out of bed and load up on caffeine!!)

And Finally
you have been here a year

You are listening to Techno
and have gone a bit doolaly

FormerMember over 16 years ago

Poor Mel

So happy to have you back but sorry your return was fraught with problems.

What I'm learning through all this is doesn't matter what part of the journey we're up to every step is hard going. I guess we somehow manage to adjust but then move onto the next thing to cope with. Whilst there is no doubt I have a hard time ahead it's encouraging to hear you say you have moved on albeit tentatively.

I'm in a coping place right now and feel I'm mentally preparing for the next stage. Dad's scan was 2 weeks ago now. The day he goes for the results will be a long hard day. It's a strange thing isn't it because I feel I've been on a slow grieving process for my dad as he's not a bit like the man he once was. I recalled to my hubby the other day how he used to chatter non stop to us when we went to visit. Now he falls asleep, often mid conversation. I sometimes wonder if he realises I've visited. But then I look at what you guys are going through here and wonder how it can feel worse than it does now - common sense tells me it will feel a lot worse but I guess that's because now at least I get to look at him whereas the day will come when I won't be able to.

Did anyone else remember their loved ones being terribly sick all the time? We're at a bit of a loss here.

Mel, I hope you and your dad make up soon if you haven't already. I know you've not fallen out but you were both under pressure so I guess things were said that neither of you wanted to say. Sorry the hols served as such a reminder but I can understand what you mean I think. Our last holiday had a lot of dad in it though he wasn't there. I got hubby to take photos of scenery I thought dad would like which would be difficult not to do when the time comes...

Someone said to me the other day well last Christmas you didn't think your dad would be here but he was. Gets my back up when people think you should be grateful. I'm not grateful. I'm not in the least bit grateful his light's going out in this evil fashion.

I didn't realise I had that rant inside me - I've been OK this last week honest!

Big hugs Mel from Kelsey x

FormerMember over 16 years ago

Morning Kelsey,

We can all relate to the place you are now, and it so heartbreaking to recognise another stage and another lovely family being in this most difficult place.

My Mum had the awful sickness that just wouldn't go away, and everyone (health professionals) was flummoxed. It did get to feel a bit like they thought Mum might be exaggerating and I even remember one incident with Mum where I was desperately trying to get her to eat something, as she had not eaten for over a week. Whenever I mentioned would you like a bit of this or a bit of that she was saying "I feel like I'm going to be sick" and I said "Mum you can't be sick, something has to go in before it can come out !!!"

What I cannot understand to this day, is that it was eventually discovered that the Mum's constant sickness was because of spread to the brain, but all the health professionals hadn't been able to figure that out. Mum was seeing the oncologist team and the hospice medical team, surely one of them must have come across this before. They put Mum through so many tests, and she was pulled about and even endured another endoscopy while feeling so bad, and all she needed was a head CT Scan.

I'm really pleased that your Dad has had this scan done, even if it is just to rule out this area as a problem. There are so many causes of this type of sickness, and it is awful to see someone feeling so bad all the time.

Aaron's Uncle who has lung cancer, is going through the sickness now. They are trying to resolve the problem and he has been told that they think it might be that his body is not responding to certain meds anymore. They are juggling new combinations to see if that will help. I hope that some progress is made for you and him.

Thinking of you and sending you a huge hug for strength.

Love

Mel X

FormerMember over 16 years ago

Just wanted to send a special Hug to Em today and also a special hug to the lovely FORTY YEAR OLD Dawn !!!!!!

Love

Mel x

FormerMember over 16 years ago

Hello everyone

I am now back from my weekend which was wonderful as I met up with our Helen for a couple of days. We had a great time with many laughs and plenty of hugs but it went far too quickly. Helen mate, it was great and I am missing you so much. Love you loads my friend X

SAM Sam - I hope that things are still improving your end. Sending you some ((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))) X

Mel - I know that things are so tough for you at the moment and that you are struggling hun. You have come so far already although you probably can't see it yet and I, for one, am so proud of you. It is no surprise that you still reach out to help others, as you are a loving and caring person but please know that you have people here who care about you too and we want to help as much as we can. There is so much going on for you at the moment and I so hope that you and your Dad can sort things out. I love you my friend and am sending lots of cyber hugs filled with strength your way. You know that I am always here for you X

Em - so sorry that you have been poorly and I hope that things are ok. Please let us know how you are when you can, as we worry about you hun. Sending lots of love and hugs to a special person X

Kelsey - huge hugs as this is such a difficult time. Yes, afterwards is still hard but the worst is watching your loved one suffer and go through this. Stay strong hun and remember that we will all be here for you X

Bern - How did your weekend go? The doll and I did try calling you but your phone was switched off X

Wendy - love and hugs for you and the little Will. Hope you both ok X

Dawn - I hope that Friday went ok for you. Wow 40 now, you are catching me up! X

Michelle and Rochelle - please keep posting so that we can help you through this difficult time. Hugs to you both X

Nic - you're not posting much these days, how are you hun? X

Cath, Lesley, Jac, Den - you are all in my thoughts X

Well things for me are strange at the moment because I am having many low moments that I can't seem to shake off. Being away at the weekend was good as it gave me something else to think about but once back home, I was an emotional wreck again and I woke this morning to the same feeling of doom and gloom. I am hoping that this phase is temporary and not something that will get worse. I am hanging on tight to the rope at the mo my friends, so keep holding on everyone and more importantly, please keep posting. This is one hell of a ride but surely, together we will make it through somehow X

I love you all,

Sam X

FormerMember over 16 years ago

Ok I'm just gonna say it !

Why do I have to brave?

Why do I have to cope?

Why do I have to support the rest of my family?

Why can't my family support me?

Why does it feel so bad?

When will it not feel so bad?

When will Bloody "Time Heal"?

This whole thing is just all toooooooo much !!!!!

And no, I'm not putting this on the rant thread because this is my Mac home and I want to say it here !!!!!!

PANTS, Big huge enormous PANTS !!!

FormerMember over 16 years ago

Rochelle - thank you for the hugs hun. Yes, I have considered counselling and have been in touch with Cruise, weeks ago, but haven't heard anything back from them as yet. I know what you mean about not feeling your mum when you visit her resting place, it has always been the same for me and I believe that those we love are right with us in our hearts and around us. For a long while, it can all seem so unbelievable, that the one we have lost is no longer here but that does pass and it sinks in and I think that is the reason I am feeling so low now, because I have had to accept that Dad will never be coming back. Hugs for you too Rochelle, you are doing so well and I hope that sharing with us all here, is helping a little X

My Melly Mushroom friend - close your eyes and feel my arms wrapped around you in a huge hug, because that is what I would be doing if we lived close enough to each other. Hun you don't need to be brave and you shouldn't be needing to support the rest of your family, they should be there for you too. I know it all feels too much sometimes but please try and keep to coping with just one day at a time and goodness knows, that can be hard enough, especially when you have had so many things happening that you have had to sort out. My friend, your stress levels are sky high at the moment and it is all getting on top of you. I just wish I could do more to help, I really do. Let me know if you want a chat hun X

FormerMember over 16 years ago

We hear you Melly Mushroom. Just why do people tell us to be brave, be strong for the family etc etc. Do you think there is a big book of cliches that everyone else has access to? When we cross their paths they pull out their big books whilst we're not looking, pick a cliche and fit it in before the end of the conversation?! That's how it feels sometimes doesn't it? Glad you ranted here anyway - as you said we're your friends and here's where you rant belongs.

Well Mel, Roch & Sam - thanks for the hugs. Thanks for the pointers too. Dad was tested for calcium levels but it came back normal. Mel, you know the GP has suspected a spread to the brain so the sickness could mean the same as it meant for your mom. I'm glad the scan has been done too so we can prepare. It is concerning they hadn't identified a spread to the brain in your mom. It's puzzling to know which course of action they're on isn't it?

Sorry you're all having to go through this. My hubby was listening to something on the radio the other day about death. Apparently in other parts of Europe it's seen as part of life and people are 'educated' if you like in preparation for end of life from a young age. Whereas it's still rather taboo here which means our coping mechanisms are not as developed. My first experience of death was in my 20's when I lost an aunt and uncle. Until then I'd been sheltered from it I guess. Whilst I was lucky not to have had had to deal with it any sooner I do think it made it much more difficult to deal with as the whole burial and wake were so shocking. For example I didn't understand how people could laugh and joke at the wake because I didn't even know it was supposed to be a celebration. Even the way in which we speak to people who have lost a loved one is strange as you've found. Now I'm not sure I have the tools to deal with what's coming my way. Don't worry I'm not feeling caved in by it all yet but I'm concerned I will.

Ho hum - off to call mom for the latest.

Love to you all.

Kelsey x

FormerMember over 16 years ago

It turns out the appointment for receiving the scan results should have been last week but they didn't even receive a letter. It's this Thursday now.

Kelsey

FormerMember over 16 years ago

Thank you dear friends.

Sam I will catch you tomorrow at some point, big hugs back atcha. X

Kelsey,

Whatever you may think that you are all prepared for, the brain thing just takes the rug out from under your feet.

Just in case it is this, what are the plans for Thursday? Will you be going with your Mum and Dad? I can't explain why, but others that have had the same experience have said that hearing that news was the scariest of all.

If you think that your Mum and Dad might say no, could you just turn up?

So sorry, just remembering that feeling of being told and hoping and praying that you hear differently.

Love

Melanie X