For those with a warped sense of humour WARNING- no punches pulled here

I got a bit side-tracked by the cat throwing up, but I'm here now!  It's funny how I'm ok with the cat throwing up, but a human being can have me running for the loo to join them.  And me an ex-nurse too.  However, I should mention, I worked in a psychiatric hospital for most of my career, less throwing up - and more throwing punches!  The good thing about that experience is it prepared me for my second career in the Scottish Government!  You wouldn't believe how many civil servants are stark-raving bonkers, or maybe you would, present company excepted of course!  I'm as sane as... I'm ever likely to be!

Talking of gin and teapots - we could have a 'Mad as a hatter tea party'!.  I'll pour...  When I was younger I tried very hard to live up to my Scots/Irish heritage and drank like a fish.  Once on a night out, a friend and colleague from the hospital and myself were walking home from a night club and by the time we got home we had discovered the cure for schitzophrenia.  The problem was, when we sobered up in the morning, neither of us could remember what it was...

Changed days, not at all. All I had last night was 2 pints of Stella and a lot of Pepsi - and yet I'm still talking rubbish? 

As for my lady-boxers Little My, the reason I prefer them to ordinary boxers is because unlike you, I didn't get a free Hollywood and so don't like the buttons (or lack of them) down the front!  My daughter pays £35 for her Hollywood, and you get it free on the NHS...  That'll teach her to get a brain tumour, when she does have to have radio, she's not going to be any Sinead O'Connor, not with those scars!  However, after her last surgery she did go to a Halloween Party as Frankenstein's Bride, and won a prize, so swings and roundabouts!

The only prize I'm likely to win is for the healthiest looking cancer patient.  Still not losing much weight and my hair and nails look great.  Funny how the bits of me that are basically dead look so good, when the bits of me that matter, look so bad! 

Anyway, back to the 'mad as a hatter tea party'.  When I first got told what was wrong with me, my best mate, texted me with the words, "That's shit, let's go to the pub".  The same words she's said to me every time the proverbial hit's the fan and life has been less than rosy for one of us.  Which would be ok if I had any tolerance for alcohol these days, but for the last 5  years, I've rarely drank, other than at high days and holidays.  So when we went to the pub last time, and between us scoffed 2 bottles of wine (and no food), I was rather unwell and she had to walk me home.  Since then, two's my limit, no matter how hard it hits the fan - or whether it's poured from a teapot!

I'm off to try on my new pants and then I'll be back to see what the rest of you are up to!

Morning!

Lying in bed with lap top and P just brought me breakfast in bed (awww) and a great reply from Sunny to reply too.. what more could a girl ask for?? Oh, and the sun is shining ha ha...

£35 for a Hollywood!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Are you kidding me? really?? Never been one of those girly types so never paid for stuff like that.... though I too did enjoy the amazing nails I developed during treatment.. seems to work in reverse doesn't it? (Oooh you look well )... Normally my nails snap off etc and here was me vying with the buzzards out the back  for the longest talons in the county...  anyway, back to boxers.. I have upgraded to soft fitted button-less ones now...(must say, men your pants have improved in design and fit over the years.. most impressed!!)  and did get as far as looking at my lady boxers and thinking maybe soon..... Nails snapping off again... maybe I'm getting better??

 NHS version is funny...I know its free, but it  takes 6 weeks to do it in....looks like aobut  a hair a day... I have one lonely pube left (sorry boys, too much info I guess, look the other way for this paragraph!) Sometimes I think I should just pull it out and sometimes I think I should cherish it thinking it must be the Little My of the pube world hanging in there no matter what, fingers up to the bum world etc etc ha ha (no, read it again... not fingers up.... TO !) Currently cherishing! Also had the NHS version of an Anne Summer's party but think I might scare the boys a bit too much with that one....

Talking of bums.... now this really isn't fair... (actually you might want to skip another paragraph) Now I have recently been accused by certain parties of having shares in tena (making you lot pee with laughter) and I have to say, I should have taken shares out as I would have made a fortune as I trumped the lot of you.. sod peeing yourself, I crapped myself for 4 months waiting for my op (no not scared, I mean it literally!!) so, as I said, baggy is better  but this morning, I not only have managed to fill my bag, but lets just say sunday best bum decided to join in too! hmmmm. (said it might happen sometimes but honestly.... ) so shares in Tena is the tip of the day, investors!

Sunny, you beat me on the drink front, I think I had my fill as a teenager and can't do it anymore... a half and I'm on my knees... What happened to the rebel? ho hum....

But like the idea of the Mad Hatter's tea party- suit us down to the ground... can we come in our pants ha ha ?

 Little My xxx

Well, don't say we didn't  warn you about the warped humour........Be warned!!!!!!

(You need to read yesterday's one above about Hollywoods and bums  for this to make sense)

BATHROOM NEWS at 9.00am

----NEWS FLASH----

Toothbrush here reporting for the Bathroom News. We have some breaking news coming in... fiddles with earpiece...

Rumours are rife that Little My Pube is missing....shocking news if true, but we are awaiting confirmation.

Over to news desk for update and full story...

Hi, Toilet Brush here with all the latest facts as we have them... It seems Little My turned up as usual for her morning ablutions but our eye witness Toilet Paper was on the scene and said this...

“We just thought it was an ordinary day... but as I got close we could see that Little My pube just wasn’t there... we were all very shocked of course and started frantically searching the area for her but there is just no sight anywhere... We are all very worried. 

Rumours have it she just couldn’t hang on any longer and fell off in the night... Search parties have been sent throughout the bathroom, but we have to say that currently we fear the worse...

There are already crowds of toiletries queuing up to pay their last respects and candles are being lit in her honour....

Lets go back over to our on the scene reporter.. Toothbrush who has more breaking news it seems...

Hi, well it’s all happening here.... It has now been officially confirmed that Little Pube has gone and we can only assume the worst. Crowds are gathering as the news spreads. Flannel was distraught and could only sob that they had been best friends for years... Deodorant has set up a memorial shelf in the cupboard for her and tributes are being paid to “the bravest pube of all...”

Pube has no remaining family, but her closest friend Bum Fluff released this statement “Thank you all for your kind words and thoughts and I would ask that we take a  moment to remember the brave Little Pube who hung on despite it all and fought a brave fight... her tenacity will be an inspiration to us all....

News flash over...

Have a good day

Little My xxx (now 100% Hollywood!)

R I P little Pube, such a sad day, and would of been nice if you had grown up and produced lots of littl ones...xxx

Thanks for those kind words, Chrisie,

She will be sadly missed... bathroom crowd organising a memorial service for tomorrow.... Hope they don't take too  long.. ! (better get some of Shaz's tena's to be on the safe side)

Little Myx

Think I'll just call you 'Hollywood' from now on! I'm sure Little Pube has gone to the great Pube heaven in the sky.

You can always get a Merkin for high days and holidays.  Just be careful when you go to Sweden, it may not like swimming very much and might swim off on it's own!

I'm glad that the residents in the bathroom are planning a decent send-off.  Have you chosen the music?  I'm sure someone can come up with an appropriate suggestion...

Really hope Little Pube didn't land on the toilet seat - cos it'll get pi$$ed off...

and that would be a case of 'hair today, gone tomorrow...'!

Hey! We got a red star...Ok, so it took getting cancer to be popular......

Bathroom preparing for memorial service... (flannel still can't stop crying )and though soap has written a very moving poem, we are struggling with the music....

Any suggestions?

Little Myx

Hi... just read all yr posts regarding the lost pube,,, has cheered me up no end, that sort of humour is right up my street,  brilliant,, loved the bit about the merkin going off for a swim on its own,, i was feeling a bit miserable when i got up this morning but after that its brightened me up,  can't beat a good laugh to start the day, you really are a tonic, thank u ladies,,  linda x