For those with a warped sense of humour WARNING- no punches pulled here

you lot are lovely ive found you again, ive been getting rss updates on my email so i know the dumb things thread was keep on going but when i tried posting on here via my ipod it wasnt having it so i finally got around to coming back.

you ladies are a tonic you make me cry in a good way and laugh too due to your sense of humour, i think you are all very positive and despite down days which im sure you have you just get on with it a day to day, little my i must go and read your blog although il probably grab some tissues knowing your sense of humour.

keep it up ladies you are a tonic to yourselves and others

ive also updated my blog on here too so feel free to read that

keep me updated with poo and trumps and the coke making you trump etc

Little My

We thought we'd cracked giving the dog tablets by pushing them into a piece of cheese and giving him that. Until last week when I went to clean behind the begonia and found that the little bugger had been eating the cheese then spitting the tablets behind the plant pot when I wasn't looking. Dog - not as stupid as he makes out....

Lovely to see you all over here... got to get up and take the cat to the vets for a check up and probably anohter injection as we admit defeat with the pills...

Woke up this morning hearing P swearing big time... was trying to stick one down him... just as number2 cat  ran in with a bird.... crashed heads with fat cat and he spat out the pill , bird flew off round kitchen!!! 

Is there such a thing as a quiet day in the Little My household??? I wonder...

See you all later... will try and collect some more sillies today- vets and then coffee with a friend.. would almost sound civilised if it wasn't me doing it ;-)

Little My xxxx 

Its Easy !! - just folow the instructions

How To Give A Cat A Pill

1. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.

3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.

4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.

6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.

7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.

8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink 1 beer to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

10. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard, and close door onto neck, to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.

11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw Tee shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.

12. Call fire department to retrieve the damn cat from across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.

13. Tie the little *******'s front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy-duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of filet steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.

14. Consume remainder of scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.

15. Arrange for RSPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and call local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.

How To Give A Dog A Pill

1. Wrap it in bacon.

2. Toss it in the air.

john x

Hi Little My, didnt come here for civilised, just wanted to laugh, hope the cat gets on ok at the vets, and will look forward to all the details, take care and remember the sun is out, xxx

Welcome ange and Chrissie and Christine and  Vikkie or have I alreday said that Vikki? and anyone else new over here I can't see on this page (no memory, sorry!) and well done for finding your way over to the dark side ha ha! Lovely to have you with us... Put the email thing on this one angei so we don't lose you again...

I WANT SUNNY TO BE OK TO COME OUT AND PLAY!!! 

I bet she's actaully just too busy engrossed in rubbish on the TV in her pants and too much chocolate on her fingers to type...

So P hasn't done a Dr Crippen on me yet and it failed miserably with the cat too... off to the vets again...

Vet says never mind, worth a try...I'll give you an injection... me??? no thanks I say, had enough of them for a while thanks... can cope with the stress... sorry she says, not you... him.....here's an injection of 2 weeks of antibiotics so you don't have to give him the pills anymore!!!!!! What?? we have been in a war zone humans versus cats and seriously losing the battle big time and spent a fortune on treat food to try to hide them in etc... and now you go zap and that's it!!?? Why did we have to go through a re-enactment of world war 2 first pray may I ask?? Anyway, gives a good enough answer and more money  gone- was thinking its a good job for the NHS- imagine how much we must cost and we haven't even been scrapping!!

Coffee was mostly civilised... though I did let the side down by offering to run over friend's husband for her (he is such a dick ) thinking that  the cancer card might get me off in court.....  and she's got enough to deal with living with him, doesn't need a prison sentence too.... She put the offer on hold as he's away working for 8 weeks and she's waiting to see if he comes back first... so won't be jailed just yet, you'll be glad to hear....She's a hospice nurse and talked some much needed sense into me that maybe i was tired cos of all the treatment I had just had and no one in their right minds would be thinking of going back to work full time so soon and yes she knows I haven't got a right mind but had I ever heard of that phrase phased return and only when you are ready and give myself a break and had I ever heard of convalesence etc etc and what did i think all my normal little cells were doing after being hit by a sledgehammer of both toxic chemicals and radiation and give them a break to recover etc etc etc ......  you get the idea... so i guess that's me told!! 

she is one of the few people I listen to (mostly cos I'm scared of her.. )only joking but she is a good reality check for a Little My who thinks she is invincible and therefore thinks she is being a wimp when she can't do the impossible...

 nannyb (not quite converted to the dark side just yet, but she is a potential and i am luring her with my blogs mwa ha ha) said she wished she lived next door to me.. that got me thinking how funny it would be if we did all live on the same street... and how lovely too... Can you imagine the new soap opera called 'Cancer Street' the lives and laughs of ordinary cancer folk... what do you think? Trouble is, if we did all live in the same street, we would just all sit around in our pants chatting and laughing and eating chocolate and biccies all day so nothing would happen cos we'd just be laughing with eachother...

Anyway, will do a blog later (may be some overlap- will have forgotten by then what I wrote here...)

Feeling very silly today so be warned if you join in....

Little My xxx

Hi Little My, thanks for the welcome and I would love to live in your street, but as a retired carer not sure I am qualified, or should even be on here, but do enjoy the laugh and I can prune roses, so please forgive the odd intrusion and I will try to hide most of the time.... so pleased no more fights with the cat and hope dear pussy is soon better, ...the sun is out...take care xx

Chrisie, don't you ever think that you are less qualified or shouldn'tt be here or on our street or anything like that!!!! DON'T YOU DARE! or you'll be in trouble with me and you know what kind of things I get up to ha ha .I might flash you my bag ha ha

I don't care who anyone is or where they come from or what they do or any of that...  as long as they understand and laugh and don't judge at the awful stuff... and I know everyone else here thinks the same so... that's you told too!

I have been a carer too and personally I think it was harder caring  than being...  so don't hide and come out to play... !!!

You have to live in our street anyway, cos who else is going to prune the roses? Not me for sure !!!! I've been promoted to bins... did I say that here or my blog?? Can't remember... right.. where am I? who am I?Chrisie help.... I need you ha ha

Oh the sun is shining here too... that's ok then...

Little My xxx

HELLO  EVERYONE....Ive found you at last,

Well its taken a while to read up on it all, and forgotten some of it already............. but what a laugh ive had on the way. Thanks you lot.

Sunny, im happy to put you in the little boxes, hope you get a move to a more suitable home soon, cant have you spoiling plans by blowing yourself up with the fags and oxygen, by the way,  just having one myself x

John, love the shower joke and the cat one was brill x

My fat awkward cow of a dog can find a pill in anything, have to practically starve her all day (bless) so we have a better chance of getting pills in her.

Chrisie, god ske dont set little my off, not if you want choccie medals, everyone should be here but then i will be more confused (not hard) x

Fuzzy brain now so will have to re-visit to see who has joined here.

HI LITTLE MY, bye all

Shaz((((((((XXXXXXXX)))))))))))

really made me laugh reading the how to shower post (has someone got a camera onto my house)really cheeredcme up love valxxx