For those with a warped sense of humour WARNING- no punches pulled here

Hi Everyone,

Ok as usual I am hurt and offended, we guys try our best, we think and consider you ladies and then get threatened with dire punishment and the burying, internally of golf clubs - is the no justice leyt in this world, no compassion or sympathy ?

Going to continue the golf theme ok  - can I quote an example of my fellow man's caring attitude please to try to redress the balance? We try our best and it gets thrown back in our face

I atteneded an anti-natal class The room was full of pregnant women with their husbands. The class was in full swing.

The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe properly and was
telling the men how to give the necessary assurance to their wives at
this stage of the pregnancy.

She said "Ladies, remember that exercise is good for you. Walking is
especially beneficial. It strengthens the pelvic muscles and will make
delivery that much easier. Just take several stops and stay on a
soft surface like grass or a path."

She looked at the men in the room, "and Gentlemen, remember -- You're
in this together -- It wouldn't hurt you to go walking with her".

The room suddenly got very quiet as the men absorbed this information.

Then a man at the back of the room slowly raised his hand.

"Yes", answered the Instructor.

"I was just wondering if it would be alright if she carries a golf bag
while we walk?

This kind of sensitivity just can't be taught xx

Take care xx

One for LM,

One day a little boy asks his dad "where does poo come from"?

Dad explains that food passes down the oesophagus to the stomach where digestive enzymes induce a probiotic reaction in the alimentary canal to extract protein before waste products descend via the colon and rectum to emerge as "poo".

"Blimey", says the little boy, "so where the **** does Tigger come from then"?

opps xx

Ha ha thanks for that one, John.... bit like my friend's son who asked her where he came from. after she did the whole awkward well, when 2 people love eachother... eggs... and all that stuff, he just said, Oh. no, I meant do I come from London or Windsor....

Stinker, have fun in/on/up/down the Malverns... not too far from me.... oooh make sure you wave!

Back home and thoroughly miserable. Always am when I get back. Even worse this year. Will do an eyeore blog at some point rather than depress you lot here cos this is the silly one...

One think that made me laugh today was as the service station... I forgot it was a bank holiday weekend so every single person in the whole country seemed to be travelling on the M5 and every person in the country all wanted their lunch at the same service station as me... so anyway, glad I had my radar key and baggy was glad too as he fancied a change so dodged the whole mile long queue of every lady in the country for the ladies and got scowls from people in that "she looks perfectly well, what's she doing in the disabled loo" type look and I have to say, I also feel guilty for using it a bit too... still can't quite get my head round this 'ill' lark... and I have to say My I doooo look well! anyway, deep breath- the point of all this was something written in the loo which now I have got this far, didn't seem worth the effort of you reading  all that for what comes next... talk about an anti-climax hahahaha sorry.

Might as well tell you now you got this far...

 It said "please flush this loo properly"

What?

How can you flush a loo improperly?

With your knickers round your ankles and with your feet? Thank goodness for that notice! How would I have managed otherwise? I might have just touched the handle and not bothered to press it... I might have pushed it up and down really quickly loads and loads of times and broken it.... I might still be there now wondering if I should flush it properly or not... Phew. Nothing more fun than a sign stating the obvious.... was tempted not to, just for fun.

Good to be back with a laptop at my permanent disposal with you lot. Otherwise it is sh*te Oh and its raining too...

Little My xxxx

p.s. Stinker, I keep looking at your picture, and can't work out what it is... I think I need glasses... It looks like a stick and has it got a lizard or a bird or something on it? or is it just a stick? or do I need glasses?

Little My x

My pic is a Spotted woodpecker that frequents our garden. A few weeks ago a couple of friends came to check it out....and he didn't come for 2 weeks. He's a bit camera shy so had difficulty snapping him, but finally able to prove to friends that we do have one. It was a good excuse for the hubbies to down some Welsh Real Ales and my friend and self to down a couple of bottles of red wine!

Was the loo one of those silly little flush/big flush buttons? They are useless!

When I had a Blue Badge I used to get the same looks, even though I was bloated and lacking hair. Just because I smiled and laughed people must have thought she's only got alopeacia, she doesn't need blue badge for that!

I will be sure to give you a wave tomorrow LM. Hope we don't disturb your peace too much.

Love and hugs to everyone, especially John     Mwah, mwah,mwah xxx

Hi People,

Just had some lovely friends round - fair cheered OH and me up - he is about to have a hip replacement (50) - and we can't wait to visit him in hospital (!) and as we have a blue badge parking will be no problemo!!

Little MY, your big sister (me) is a "planner"  I had "Plans for my plans"  I no longer have any plans past right this minute and hey it's not so bad -  enjoy the "moment"  and drink Gin (or wine) - whatever is going to happen is going to happen - so WTF? - Just be here now.. (Bit Zen I grant you but go with the flow....)

OK John, my husband doesn't  even play golf - said he'd leave it till he was too unfit to do proper sport (?) - so I apologise for the unneccesary concern...

OK - non Golf joke..

Mummy ,Mummy whats an orgasm?

Dunno, go and ask your father....

Boom Boom...

Had a bad experience while in hospital. wonder if I will ever recover ??

I was wearing an oxygen mask over my mouth and nose, still heavily sedated after an operation.

A young student nurse appears to give me a partial sponge bath...

'Nurse,' I mumbles, from behind the mask "Are my testicles black?"

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies 'I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet.' 

I  struggles to ask again, 'Nurse, are my testicles black?'

Concerned that I become agitated and worried she overcomes her embarrassment and sheepishly pulls back the covers. She raises my gown, holds my old chap in one hand and my testicles in the other, lifting and moving them around.

Then, she takes a close look and says, 'There's nothing wrong with them, Sir !!'

I pulledf off my oxygen mask, smile at her and says very slowly, 'Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but listen very, very closely......

' A r e-m y-t e s t-r e s u l t s-b a c k ? '

Can't get the staff huh >>

That did make me laugh!  Reminded me of when I did my nurse training in the 70s and I was told to give a bed bath to an 18 year old guy (I was 17!).  All I knew was what I'd learned from 3 months in a geriatric ward and seen in books - and no brothers to give me any clues, so it was a real challenge.  The poor chap's face was as red as a beetroot - and I was delighted when he refused! 

Nowadays, nobody asks...  ;-0

Ann x

Ha ha, I;m sure someone would ask... John sounds a bit desperate... especially beinf banished to the sofa in the rain... Were you really that good a girl, Ann? Really? 17 and never seen.... hmmm not sure I believe it especially in the groovy 70's when everyone seemed to have their bits hanging out.. oh wait, was that only my memories? oh , ok ... I'll shut up.... :o)

If you can't sleep, about to post the blog of all blogs that will send you off in no time... and if you are tired, please do essentials before reading it, actually, steer away all together if I was you... I told you I was miserable... and my brain is scary when grumpy as you know... psycho warning.....!

mac seem to have stopped emailing me anything so not getting any of your posts or friend requests or anything... hmmm did I not give the commandants enough booze I wonder... there is more under Sunny's sofa cushions if that would help... ask her... or maybe that is why she is suddenly so sleepy!

Sorry to my mates over here for the 'open head, dump psycho babbling idiot stuff over many pages, close head' blog...

Normal service will be resumed soon.... (promise)

Little My xxx

Surprising I know, but yes I was a good girl!  The 70's weren't as much fun as some people might like to think and for me, work was everything, and I hadn't much life outside it.

Still trying to shake off the doldrums from reading your blog, but you can't take all the credit.  I've been so determined not to give into the chemo that I've been pushing myself a bit and made myself go out for coffee with a friend this morning, despite feeling pretty rough.  I was ok for a wee while, but it didn't last and I came home shaking and feeling a bit weak and feeble.  Which is just daft when I look robust enough to take on the all-blacks!

What's got me worried is that because I now know when I'm likely to be feeling at my worst, I've scheduled loads of catch-ups with various friends over the next few days as this is my window of opportunity.  However, I think I might have overdone it and now I'm wondering if I can cope.

Coffee tomorrow, coffee Tuesday, and on Wednesday, for a change, tea (and cakes - if that will even be possible!).  Thursday I start on the antibiotics and fluconazole again, so back to feeling crap and at risk of infection.  Hoping my mouth won't be so bad this time though as I'm taking the fluconazole prophylactically.

This chemo s**t better be working!

Ann x