For those with a warped sense of humour WARNING- no punches pulled here

Oooh you lot have been busy while I have been spending my evening eating too much elk... (I know, but we're Swedes ok?)

Hope I can remember it all....

firstly and most importantly, hoooooooray annette.... perfect boobs- how cool is that? Phew, that's one down, just the perfect nose job now... Good to hear the good news Little sis and enjoy your evening of worship!!  and looking forward to my welcome home party (actually doing the mad reverse route so ging to brothers for his birthday, then Devon to take son back and then home on Saturday to P!! (and still no house move grrr)

And I have another big sis.. great Jinty!! The Little My clan grows ever bigger.... Jinty, do you really think having the mental age of 15 matters in my family? I think that puts you at the mature end of things (remember I laugh at my own farts still) Always fancied having a go at marine biology... I like swimming and am good at biology... knew I took the wrong course at Uni... (I did a degree in the science of going to pubs... and I wonder why they keep looking at my liver... bet its not mets, just evidence of a mispent student grant... ah well. I would think it was worth it if I could remember it....)and like the idea of being an aunt. My one and only brother hasn't got kids yet (possibly something to do with him taking his time to find the love of his life, well the one to have kids with anyway....ha ha) so great to have a nephew and expecially one that can pour a G&T and so intelligent too... that must be my side of the family haha..;. You have to be big sis, being 8 inches taller than me and 5 years older! I will tell bro to bogoff gladly after him beating me hands down with tonights games...

Christine... how dare you insinuate that I wouldn't get you duty free... even though I keep pointing out to you that Sweden has been in the EU for quite a few years now, so there is no such thing.. I have still dutifully been to the shops and stocked up with Swedish vodka and snaps and tucked them all in around Sunny's big sofa and slipped the odd extra can of lager in the glove compartment of Paul's volvo... so it will be winging its way to you soon (can I stay on the site now commandant Christine?) I have to say that you are slacking in your chump role not keeping up with us loonies... we were worried about you, Christine, worried I say!! we thought you had gone all sensible and the power had gone to your head and you didn't love us anymore sniff... and now you are off out again tomorrow and still don't know what we have been up to...  Can't believe the saga with your daughter.. it sounds so awful! Hope you get it sorted soon.

Sunny, good luck for Thursday if I don't get to see you tomorrow due to being on planes and smuggling sofas etc. Hope this one goes better than the last.

right, better shut up for now, got booze and sofas and cars to pack...

Love you all

Little Myxxx

Ann, you popped in and replied while I was replying so wanted to say Hi so you didn't think I was ignoring you, but after the sofa comment.... hmmm I don't know, you go on holiday and spend the whole time going to Ikeas and sofa shops trying to find the nicest souvenirs you can for your twin sister who sounds like she might be actually be getting more twin like (hair thinning, thinner bits etc) and that's all the thanks you get... risking life and limb going through customs tomorrow just for you and Christine and Paul, and she's off out for the night without a care in the world, and you are shedding hairs more than the cat... harumph. It will be  novelty T shirts all round next time (ha ha I said next time- there will be a next time of course)

I see you have discovered my super power... ha ha but I am worried about going back to work... how will I find time to do any work when i have you lot to be silly with....? Phased return it is!

Hang in there sunny and sod the housework and everything else- save your energy for us.

Biggest hug

Little My xxxxxx

love this

Morning, Nutcracker... and welcome to our lovely little loony home. always room for another one and I think you will find the facilities quite amenable.. there is usually some sort of alohol around (unless commandant Christine has been around) but you have to look in teapots for it. Food is usually ok... bit on the pizza/chocolate front and we can always bunch up on the sofa for you  but best of all you get to have a good belly laugh about stupid things which is always worht a shot... so

dive in and join in! I have an awful feeling that your name is also Ann, which might cause my head to explode and/or make me think there is some conspiracy going on or something... or maybe my mum has come back to haunt me in the most irreverent way going (do you get irreverent ghosts I wonder? Do they giggle with their sheets.. hmmm)

Anyway, welcome and feel free to join in with the rest of us idiots...

Better get up and pack all the souvenirs, if you are quick, Nutcracker I could squeeze a little something down the back of the sofa for you?

The rest of you, as I am about to meet my impending doom on a plane, take care and have fun and I have instructed brother who gets what re the sofas etc... what's cancer compared to flying ? ha ha

Little Myxx

was trying to put a picture on here for you, but it wouldn't let me, so had to do it on a blog instead, which seems a bit of an indulgent use of a blog, but hey.... go over and have a look..... hope its worked- knowing my luck it will be an empty page or something

smuggling souvenirs shortly.... wish me luck

Little My xxx

Hi everyone

A couple of days away from MacMillan site (my secret vice) and everything seems to be happening.

Annette...fantastic news about your perfect boobs. Makes me so annoyed when you hear about people saying they NEED breast reduction/augmentation. Jordan just so bloody lucky that she hasn't some part of her body (apart from brain) that seriously needs attention! Hope you had plenty of champers etc...its all going to be good from now on...perfect nose on its way!

Ann, you need to play a full hand of cancer cards, take it easy, and hope the chemo goes well tomorrow. Can you not pass the hair all over the house as the cat's? Hope you're giving the cat a few mournful looks back!!!

NEWS FLASH!!!! A woman has just been caught trying to get through customs with a couple of sofas. Customs Officers found bottles of gin and teapots stashed inside them. They decided to do a strip search and found the woman was carrying a designer bag and also was smuggling Rolos. The woman then tried to bribe the custom officials with cancer cards.....we still await updates on how successful she was. (Just seen the way she packed...no wonder she got stopped!)

ANOTHER NEWS FLASH!!! Just had 2 Jehovah's at the door. The Catholic (and I am!) card doesn't work quite as well these days...although I got away with the leaflet and "You'll be able to look up the bible references." Didn't want to try out the cancer card as one of them was in a motorised scooter! Does youngish and in a motorised scooter trump cancer???

Nutcracker, welcome to the nuthouse. The place where we all behave like 5 year old boys (They are always obssessed with bodily functions)

Hope I haven't missed anyone out

Keep laughing

XXXXXXXX

Hi All,

Big sis i hope you managed to get home ok and that you are not stuck in the swedish airport trying to smuggle things back to uk, i forgot to ask you to pick up some Anton berg marzipan chocs for me.....if you are still there please pop into duty free ;-)

I remember elk, my norwegian friends cooked in a stroganoff sauce was amazing.....i love my food talking of which to celebrate your return i am making my home made pizza, i love making bread so the dough is ready, tomatoe sauce nearly there and then just waiting for my guests to arrive.... what time will you all be here? big sis please can you bring the g and t or whatever lovely duty frees you picked up and i think we should celebrate your safe return and we also need to wish sunny well for tomorrow..Good luck and massive hugs to you, i will be sending you lots of strengh and good vibes.

Thank you for all my messages, yes boobs are doing well and st georges rang today and said i have to go for my pre op next week in readiness for my reconstructive and new nose, going to ask for a complimentary face lift, can i have a cancer card for that please, slight neck lift and eye bag removal( due to lack of sleep for the last few weeks), bring on the general anisthetic and some well deserved sleep. I totally agree Jordan really has taken it a bit far, like my teenage idol Barry Manilow yes i admit i was a manilow fan club member but he has really fallen into the hollywood trap, he looks awful. poor man always been the brunt of many a joke. I have spent years disliking my body but now i look at it and say i accept it, i cant change what ive been given or my passion for pizza, chocolate and a glass of wine but i did give up smoking when i was diagnosed with cancer so feel i am entitled to some treats. i would never subject it and pay for things to be changed what a waste of money. I dont have a choice this time round but will pull a cancer card if my big sis will make one for so i can give it my plastic surgeon that asks for a liitle enhancement whilst he's there lol.

I got my NHS exemption certificate today for my persciptions and was so excited when i told my dad and he couldnt believe it that i could be so happy about it and it was hard to explain that it was a perk of this wrotten disease, we dont get much in return for being tested but we might as well celebrate anything that makes us smile.....

14 days to go to my surgury and the count down starts again, this time butterflies are there and i feel calm though and i have to thank you all so much for that.your blogs are what start my day and end it ( along with a kiss from hubbie too)but you have made it fun, can i write that . you all in your own way make my day, make me smile and make it all bearable.

oops if i dont get the pizza in the oven soon i will be explainging myself to a hungry hubbie whilst ive been writing this he has managed to have a bath........time to run.......

pizzas will be ready in an hour..... se you later friends and once again a big welcome home to big sis x

Sunny.........GOOD LUCK AND LOADS OF LOVE FOR TOMORROW xxxxx

Thanks Annette.  It's really great that your feeling so up and so positive right now.  I'm definitely with you on a free face lift too.  If I could manage to co-ordinate it I would.  However, I couldn't even get a general surgueon and a gynae man to do their ops on the same table for me a few years back, so the cancer card better be a good one!

I am appalled that you still have to pay for prescriptions there.  We were lucky when the SNP Governement came in they started to reduce the tariff over the last few years and now meds are free for everyone.  As an asthmatic who was prone to chest infections and needed steroids and antibios on a regular basis it cost me a fortune.  With the cancer, my bedside drawers could give any chemist a run for their money!

I also have my free bus pass, so I'll be popping in for pizza later.  If you don't see me, it means I've fallen asleep again, but you'll know because you'll hear me snoring!

I know the thought of the surgery must be bubbling around under the surface, so top marks with an extra gold star for being such an example to us all.

Lots of love, Ann x

Blagged my way through customs, distracting them with bags and cancer cards a plenty. and that.... phew.... ! I think crying my eyes out too might have had something to do with it. too.. haha

So back in not-sunny Britain.. waved at Sunny Leith again in the rain and now in Glasgow for the reverse mad way to get back home. Brother's birthday tomorrow so fun to be had there I think....

Stinker, how could you leave us for so long?? and Christine too... I don't know....  what is the world coming to... anyone would think we had stuff to do or something.... I was thinking motorised scooter as in a vespa or something and was wondering how that needed sympathy apart from crimes against fashion... durrr and with thinking annette had lost her legs..... I wonder how long I can keep blaming the chemo? they did say it caused brain damage- that's my excuse and I'm sticking to it ha ha

But tonight, it is a welcome home party with pizza (thanks, Annettte you star) and the booze is on me and you can have the anton berg food of the devil marziapn hideous things annette, cos I don't like them (how did you guess I wonder) and you deserve it with the countdown.. wish we could coordinate hospitals and ops... would be much more fun if we were in the same wards wouldn't it... poor nurses though, could you imagine it though, a ward with us lot on... how much giggles would there be?

- so glad I am getting my taste for food back (though I am not sure that is such a good thing actually as the eat all you can cos you are losing weight like a oh I don't know.. a mad weight losey thing doesn't last  forever i guess and I was rather enjoying the more svelte version of me.... so just a small slice of pizza cos I have been stuffing my face and I have to get weighed again soon for some unknown reasons cos they never really comment on it either way... sorry rambling a bit...

We get free prescriptions in wales anyway which is a good thing especially as I discovered that if you  have a 'temporary' colostomy like me, you have to pay for them!!!! How unfair is that.... and I just had a curry tonight combined with the permanent sh*ts anyway, I would be bankcrupt in no time!!

sorry, couldn't do a post without mentioning poo somewhere could I?

Oh I bet you've missed me sooooo much......

GOOD LUCK TOMORROW SUNNY - WE LOVE YOU AND HAVE A GOOD SNOOZE!! shouting cos I am in Glasgow and you might hear me.... xxxx Glad you are joining us for pizza- got to keep your strength up and not disappear down the back of your new sofa too... do you like it????/

So nice to have you lot to welcome me back cos I cried all the way to the airport and through customs and passport and onto the plane and still want to cry now cos I miss my 'mum and dad' and the beautiful sea and countryside already...... but you lot cheer me up no end and P the technology luddite king sent me a text to say welcome home!!!! I have to explain that I bought him a moblie before I went away showed him how to do texts thinking he would never ever in a million years use it and he sent his first text to me. Maybe I should marry him eh?

So, thanks for the welcome homes, it does help a lot when you don't want to come home....

Little Myxxxxxxx

ps was reading trashy mag on the plane and there was a fantastic playing of a cancer card... there was this thing where you could write and ask for money and say why you needed it... there were things like wanting to move out of home etc but the winner was "my boyfriend has terminal cancer and I want to take him on holiday to Paris.... " so she got a free holiday... we are missing a trick here... free holidays all round .. get in !! where shall we go girls? (and boys- cos I know you are hiding there behind your Trout and carp weekly)

Well Guys hope you appreciate the work I have done on everyones behalf !! Got some help line numbers for you - choose your own !! - know at least 3 apply to everyone on here

Hello, and thank you for calling the Mental Health Institute

If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly

If you have multiple personalities, press 2, 3 and 4.

If you suffer from post-traumatic stress disorder, press 5 but do it v-e-r-y- s-l-o-w-l-y and carefully.

If you are dyslexic, press 6. Now press 9. Now press 6. Now press 9. Now press 6.

If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mothership.

If you have short term memory loss, press 8. If you have short term memory loss, press 8. If you have short term memory loss, press 8.

If you have schizophrenia, listen very carefully and a small voice will tell you the number to press.

If you have a nervous disorder, fidget with the hash key until a representative comes on the line.

If you are co-dependent, ask someone to press a number for you.

If you are depressed, don't bother to press any numbers. No one will be able to help you anyway.

If you are paranoid, you don't need to press anything. We know who you are, we know what you want, and we know how to reach you.

If you suffer from low self-esteem, please hang up because all our operators are too busy to talk to you.

Hugs Guys - errr bit rude but my duty free ?? xxx

J xx