For those with a warped sense of humour WARNING- no punches pulled here

Lorna and Bob, welcome home xx

Cullottes, love that your radiologists have a sense of humour and you probably made their day :-)

What does the midguard serpent eat, Odin?

Hugs to you all xxx

Morning fellow warpes, I haved not posted on here for a long time as I have been working in the mornings and a bit in the afternoons looking after my friends horse and speading lots of time in mud mud glorious mud la la la la !!!!!!

Odin I could do you a good deal on some horse feed for the serpent !! Well a lot has been going on with all of you, Culottes liking that you are keeping your radiologists entertained.  I am feeling rather lopsided this morning as I have cooked my breast prosthes on our bedroom side light, I had been lazy last night and instead of putting it away I left it on the stool on top of clothes, it must of fallen off and landed on the light and slowly cooked !!!!!!! can you imagine explaining that one to the fireman!!!!! puts me in mind of Kenneth Williams and his famous line "frying tonight"

I have changed my GP and my new lady Doc is very good, she thinks the bloated IBS might be celiac disease so I am having my bloods taken tomorrow as I am fed up with looking 9 months pregnant. I have still been going up to Edinburgh to try and solve my anxiety and have driven on my own all be it round my local town but its a start. Going to choose my new boob now, might get one with a nipple this time, although it will look permanently erect........ not so good as might give other half funny ideas,  might just borrow one from Bob if thats ok with you lorna x

Love to you all xxxxx

Welcome back, Ruby, I'm glad to hear that you are making progress; remember we are always with you! You and LM must be soul mates loving wallowing in glorious mud.

How lucky you were with that bedside lamp. I can see the headline now:

Fire chief declares prosthetic breasts a fire hazard!

House insurance would shoot up for thousands of women, who would be banned from entering certain premises. Parliament would introduce a law saying that All women must have a sprinkler system fitted before being allowed out in public. The sprinkler system could be conveniently designed based on a combination of one of those Aussie hats with the sprinklers dangling instead of corks. The water supply could be carried above the hat like they do in African countries with those big water carriers.

It might be better to ask if they do flameproof ones.

Thankyou for your kind offer of horse feed. Unfortunately, horses are vegetarians, whilst the midgard serpent is a meat eater. Louise, the midgard serpent eats frogs and snails and puppy dog tails, which is rather unfortunate for little boys!

I have been caught out. I was to clever for my own good. On being pressed to take on one of the committee positions for the bowls club, I chose vice chairman. It seemed a good idea at the time. Well, we only have three committee meetings a year, and they are always arranged when the chairman is there. So the VC has nothing to do except turn up and nod at appropriate moments. Mind you sometimes the meetings are so boring that the only nodding I do is nod off.

I did not allow for the fact that the chairman could have a row with a member at which harsh words were said and I had to chair a disciplinary committee to decide how to deal with the affair. Now I have to write a letter to the member about his ungentlemanly behaviour, when all I really wanted to do was enjoy playing bowls!

I hope LM and Max are having a great time and the weather has not been too wet.

Love hugs cwtches krams logs and grasses to all,

Odin xxx

Yippeee!

Not sure why I said that, no hang on yes I do, it's how I feel after reading warped!

All this talk of boobs, nipples and permanently erect, reminds me of another Kenneth Williams saying "Oooh Matron!"

Sorry Ruby, I cannot stop laughing at the though of your melted boob, I think LM once said she had boobs like fried eggs, so you've got something in common! Then there's Lorna with her new game hunt the nipple, brilliant!

Culotte, where did you buy that top? I want one, think I might wear it in hospital next.

Who's in the job with no windows... Clairedeloon I think? I spent 5 years working in an old building that had no windows, and it was listed so changes could be made. Never saw the light of day for 3 months, most depressing. Now I sit next to a gert big window, and I pull the blinds when the sun comes out......

Odin, the best food for Serpents is Mice. So if you buy a cheap bag of bird seed, then stick it an outdoor shed, give it a few weeks and your shed will be crawling with Mice. Get some mouse traps and hey presto a continual supply of serpent food! Up here for thinking, down there for dancing.

Louise, glad you've sorted the tea cup storm, no more bad moods eh? PF's to them all!

Tight Lines

Tim xxx

Odin, keep that serpent away from my little boy. His granny may be small but she is ferocious when stirred! Looking forward to silly games and songs. Shall have to teach him the Hippopotamus Song!

Ha! Sorted the question of why someone is lopsided this morning. Hope it isn't made of silicone. Noticed that the Guvmint are talking of renaming one of the benefits as PIP. Considering the fact that there has been so much bad press regarding PIPS, and renaming schools has not solved problems you would have thought that this was a no-brainer!

Guess yesterday I thought I would venture a little way into a cave, but wasn't impressed so soon came out. Think part of it is down to last 2 weeks at Fat Club I have put a little weight back on again. Going to be nothing as in March I've been invited to parties, and have 2 weekends away booked (may turn to 3)! Wish you could all join in me, but April is going to be fantastic with cures and bagless people.

Hugs to all, and spoons for those who need them xxxxx

 Hiya Tim...got the sweatshirt at cafepress. com...and I think it was drewcotgrove who gave me the link on here cos he had a great one as well.They are not cheap but if it makes the world smile who cares.  I used to have fried egg boobies but the lovely dietician told me to eat lots of fats and build myself up so now have to cart rugby balls around with me.    Could someone explain why we have gone from talking poo etc to the other end of the spectrum so to speak and now its all boobies and nipples...not that I am complaining of course cos variety is the spice of life.   Stinker keep away from caves thats where big bad bears live   oh and bats     and possibly Odins serpent ...you never know XX    Culottes

Good afternoon my lovely loony lot,

You've all cheered me up and got me in chuckle mode, just when I was feeling a bit glum. What a tonic you all are, thanks.

In for a quickie again, oh dear Tim there we go again! quickies, popping in, boobies, bums, and dare I say erections. Sometimes it seems we are logged into quite a different X rated site than Mac eh??? Or is it just our mucky minds being naughty tee hee.

Oh and Tim I forgot to tell you about mine and Duncs hols plan. We are going to wait till summer to come to bristol 'cos we want to spend a few weeks travelling round the south west. We enjoy our travelly round stopping here and there type hols. So for this short 2 day break we are going to Chester which is only 10 miles away. It'll be nice to stay over then we can see the night life there and have a drink or 3. We usually go shopping there but have never stopped over.

Odin is that you in the avatar sailing boat? Didn't realise you were a sea fairing (can't spell that) bloke. Oh and if you scroll back a few pages you may pick up some tips off Hilaries post about silly things to do when sitting in a meeting. It was very amusing, did you catch it?

Lorna, So glad you are home, there's nothing like your own bed is there? And the banter about nips and what we can do with em continues eh??

Culottes, I do hope that clot is zapped soon and the injections can stop, so good luck and if you can give the hossie staff a laugh it brightens up the day alround. Think i'll invest in one too.

Nice to hear from you Ruby. Sometimes a change of GP is what's needed. Hope your IBS gets sorted soon, those symptoms can be quite miserable. Ooooooh Ruby you've made me chuckle so much with your melted boob tale - brilliant :)).

Louise, i'm glad you only ventured at the edge of the cave. I think we all feel like that sometimes and there isn't always an obvious reason why. We all actually have up and down days don't we, so don't worry about it and i'm glad it didn't last long.

Oh I can empathise with the weight management regime too. Before Christmas I dieted and lost 12lbs and felt very pleased. But keeping it maintained is soooooooooo hard and i'm afraid it's creeping on again. I just can't leave the biscuits alone or indeed the wine as you know tee heee. Sometimes I get annoyed with myself but mostly I just think SOD IT live for today and all that sorta stuff. Anyway you've got alot of socialising to do next month so enjoy yourself and have fun, fun, fun.

Good luck Ems and hope all goes smoothly, we're all there for you willing you along xxxx

Wonder what LM and Max are up to in yurt? Bet those teenagers are having fun.

Anyway, much love and best wishes to all of you warpies out there,

Take care

Jan xxxxxxxxxxx

PS the quickie wasn't a quickie in the end was it? Better go make some tea Dunc'll be in from work in a min.

Jan, Chester is my favouritest place. We stopped at the Crowne Plaza the weekend before my stem cell transplant. My sister still talks about how I drank them all under the table (wine, cocktails, and Drambruie) and still managed breakfast the next morning. She couldn't even manage a cup of tea! It is classy like the Grosvenor, but not as expensive, and also has a car park so that you can park up for your stay and just wander about. If you are into Thai food search out the Ruan Orchid which serves beautiful food.

Think it was the wine and port did for me last Friday night! Then we were at friends on Sunday, and I went to B'ham Art gallery with a friend on Monday....lunch out. R is vegetarian but has been to the lebanese bakery for food for our lunch tomorrow.....Think I'm fighting a losing battle. Had nothing to drink since Sunday though so will also be cracking a bottle open tomorrow evening.

Got a little job for Saturday....Off to Lichfield to do some market research on coffee with hubby. Takes an hour, and we get paid. Oh oh! Might end up having lunch there ;D

Jan, enjoy your stay in Chester, it's a lovely place although my first stay there was far from enjoyable. I was returning from a lovely time spent in the Lake District and decided to break my homeward journey in Chester. I stayed at a hotel on the road into Chester from the motorway. It was a hot night and I left a small window open for some fresh air; it was highup from the ground and should have been safe. At 3.00 am I woke up to find someone climbing through the window. He had a knife and took my money, credit card and carkeys. The police were fantastic and arranged everything for me including the AA to take me and the car home. For two years afterwards I couldn't sleep with the windows open.

I'm sure you will have a better experience.

It's my daughter and her husband in the boat. I'm no sea farer, can't even swim. I was helping out at one of their National events and was in the committee boat with the race officer, well I say boat, cockle shell more like it, it bobbed about (nearly wrote boobed there) on every wave and nearly tipped me and the camera into Cardiff Bay. But I got some great shots.

I have been losing weight for years and still the scales keeps lying to me, saying my weight is increasing so if you succeed Louise or Jan let me know how you did it.

Tim, do you realsie the size of the midgard serpent? This is no grass snake, but is big enough to wrap itself around the world and bite its own tail. How many mice would I need to feed it?! Mind you, cats eat mice and also eat cat food - now there's a thought.

If you get the same shirt as Cruton Tim you will need to borrow a pair of Ruby's boobs. Of course you could have some hormone therapy and grow your own.

Louise, you don't need to worry about the little one, news of him has given me almost as much pleasure as you get from cuddling him. Has he weeed on you yet?

Here's to happy days,

Odin xxx

Good morning all,

Ooooo Louise Crowne Plaza eh, you certainly know how to brush shoulders with the toffs don't you? :)))Are you secretly a Countess or a Lady of somekind like LM, tee hee that would be funny. Do you have silver spoons? :)) You go girl, there's nothing like a good pamper and well done for drinking the bar dry and still managing breckie, give yourself a gold star.

Enjoy your outings and gettogethers and remember have fun, fun, fun and sod the weighing in. Oh by the way, it's lovely to hear about your little man, being a gran is awesome isn't it? The best bit is having fun and then giving back to mum and dad and having a rest yourself with a nice smile on your face.

Oh Odin, That tale about the Chester night thief is aweful. Actually absolutely bloody scary. The low life scum bag and there's lots more coming out of my mouth but won't type it in. What a horrible ordeal to say the least. Did they ever get the b*****d and charge him. Mind you that type needs stringing up and shooting if you ask me. Better shut up now and stay off the soap box as politics will come into play.

Thanks for sharing the avatar picture with us, it makes it all the better now we know the story behind it. And actually it's quite funny now imagining you bobbing round in a cockle shell to get those photos, well done eh. And hats off to your daughter and hubbie, wow.

Off to take mum shopping and to visit her friend soon, so better get hoovering and showering eh.

catch you all later

Take care

Jan xx