For those with a warped sense of humour WARNING- no punches pulled here

Cruton, I liked your image up to the point about the beard...! Too close to home for comfort :D

the trouble with that song is it doesn't work for a girl... excpet I don't wear suspenders either! and you are right... what were they thinking letting me loose with one of them?!

Due to sossidges and that cancer lark, my axe wielding days are currently non existent- a bit like you and your golfing. I am hoping that once this op is done and I am allowed to lift things again, that I can get my axe out (it was a birthday present a couple of years ago from P... hand made Swedish hand axe... :) ) and can start doing some greenwoodwork again. I like to make spoons and cups and knives and things like that. Oh and thwack a few logs too.

I know, most girls get handbags and that... I get axes and knife making kits :)

I will be able to start splitting logs again for my new shiny woodburner which is now installed and looking lovely ! My downsizing was certainly worth it! My house might be the size of a shoebox but we can put pretty things in it :)

THanks for whacking a few balls for me. I have just had an email from colleague saying that her and nobhead are planning to come down for the day to visit me and the class on our trip. Can't even run away to Devon!!! Ah well, lots of axes down there... hmmmm.

I am frozen now due to the door being open all day with the builders... need to go out and get some logs so I can light the fire haha

Stinker, glad you got lots of cuddles and songs and you made me laugh about the parents eve.. you are the type of parent I am scared of :D

Oh I want some stick on nips now... Imagine GC's face if I stuck one you know where instead of Rolos for a change....

Little My xxxxx

ps Clairdeloon you have to get a new job. I can't bear the thought of you spending your days in a windowless rooom. Not good for the soul...

Oh and Stinker, Lorna is going to end being called Bob or nip or some thing don't you think? Perhaps she might like to find her own nickname before I do? Hiyah Bob's mum... hope you are recovering ok....?

Now, if only I could think of a cheap place to get contact lenses and some new sheepskin boots... Hmmm

Tomorrow I am meeting up with ems :)  hooorah and then Friday going to Devon to get Max, stay the night in not so posh but still nice hotel, come back Saturday and the Sunday off to deepest darkest Devon with no internet for a week...

Lugs and Hove all round

Little My xxx

Hello Warpies I am sneaking in with proverbial tail between my legs...cos last time I looked I didn't have a tail even tho I am a scorpio....but i digress...some of you you may or may not have noticed but I have not been around for a while,I will not go into long winded explanations as even i don't know the reason for this,but I do feel rather bad that I couldn't even be bothered to pop in and say hello as you have all been very supportive of me when I needed it and of course you have usually made me laugh as well.    I tried to have a look to see what you are all up to but as usual the brain stops working when I try to overload it with stuff.....you all know what i mean....normal things.    Sooooo    congrats to those who have done well comiserations to them that didnt and good luck to them that are about to.      Did I read another escape was needed and bin was put into use again?    Well I am going to do my best and try to keep up if only for a couple of weeks after which I start my radio therapy (27th Feb) 5 days a week for 5 weeks and those in the know will realise what that means......severe fatigue and fried brain.....at least it will still be in my head for the frying and  not a drop of Cianti in sight hahahah.     OMG just saw Anthony Hopkins hovering with the frying pan,I dont need my brain frying its warped enough already.                 BTW check out the new avatar...me and my lovely girls. XXXXXXX     Colette

Hope all has gone well for Lorna and she doesn't waste too many nipples because there won't be enough to go around.

Clarabella, I agree with LM, no windows then a new job, or of course, Tom could design you a new office on the site of that old cinema with Glass all round. (Except the loos).

Manflu is so debilitating and women don't realise how bad it is. Tom needs constant care with hot toddies every half hour.

I like the idea of the new rolos for GC! Stick one on each cheek of sunday best bum and he won't know which way is up.

So the wood burner is now installed and a welsh slate hearth. I suppose it's what you'd expect from someone who shops at Waitrose. And to feed this hungry monster, LM has got a chainsaw and all the trees and telegraph poles in the Monmouth area will be felled.

I suppose, someone who's used to living in castles would call any home a shoebox.

Have a nice time with Max in the non-posh hotel with the sea view. I hope the weather's nice so you can show off your swimming skills to Max. And then it's back down to Devon for a week in a yoghurt with a bunch of noisy kids! Have a great time and don't forget the chainsaw when NH comes knocking. I hope his companion is not Mrs NH, that would be too much to bear.

Remember, LM, we have a highly skilled and experienced rescue team standing by. I was thinking of awarding team members with a star for each rescue, but now we have Bob's nipples I can use. We are now a two nipple team with two successful rescues under our belt. Fighting fit and rearing to go!

And you get the cats back from the chattery just in time to desert them again.

BTW now you have an axe and chainsaw, shouldn't you sign of with Logs and knives?

All this singing is upsetting the local fauna with everyone Kumbayaring about the place wearing stripey socks and sandles. Who thought that dress code up? Everyone knows you don't wear socks, stripey or otherwise with sandles.

I'm glad you sorted the problem of Dad's dog Jan, especially with the bonus of a dog loving family. I'm sure he will settle in nicely there.

Hi there Culottes! It's good to see you back, don't leave it so long next time. Good luck with the RT and hope you are not made too tired by it.

Ems, enjoy your meeting with LM. Take care if she has a bigger bag than normal because she might just have a chainsaw in it. I think she is planning to join your craft class since she wants to make love spoons.

Love hugs cwtches and krams,

Odin xxx

Culotte, I had noticed and was considering sending out Cruton in her bin to get you! I was wondering if they had captured you again or something. Don't you ever go off and leave us again she said lying on the floor hanging round your ankles in a very undignified manner...

Phew, to 5 weeks RT. I had 6 weeks of that... a bit of a grind going in everyday but a nice chance to lie down and have a 30 second nap... I had to get my bum out in the air everyday... do you have to strip off? The machine broke down one day with me lying on it with bum in the air and she came in and said we are going to get the mechanic in to fix it and its only a quick job so we'll leave you lying there while he does it so we don't have to line you up again..... she then said Oh! Better cover your arse up eh? :D Luckily lying on my front, I couldn't see him... I would have got the giggles and moved.

Cats back home after their holiday whilst the woodburner was installed. They were true rock stars... hid in the dark all day and trashed their room by night. They are VERY happy to be home. I think the cattery are very happy to have them gone.  I will go and light the fire now and they will be even happier I suspect.

odin, I love the idea of sticking nips on my bum cheeks. That would confuse him excpet they would be a lot bigger than the real thing having a pair of fried eggs for Bobs. GC deserves Rolos though so perhaps I will save them for SC. Amazing how quick time goes eh? A month to op and 3 weeks to GC eeeek Funny cos I am distracted by the op, so not worrying about GC as much as normal! I can think of better ways to distract yourself mind you...

Are you nervous of cancer check ups? Worried they might find something? No fear.... book yourself in for our operation and that will take your mind off it! Free to all NHS users... Sign up here today and get a free district nurse visit. at www. distract-a-cancer. com

I havne't done a silly for ages now... hmmm maybe when I am bored in hospital I might do one... Hilary could find the approriate music I am sure...

Enough drivel from me... you may have noticed I have marking to do... hence dribbling on and on here...

Little My xxxxx

They would have to move blooming fast to catch me now...once bit twice shy....have told everyone who answers the phone if its the docs i have gone off with aliens so not at home.    I do have to strip to the waist but have got beyond caring now...if you have seen one set of boobs you seen em all...and if they aint well they can have a treat on me lol.    Back later maybe gotta go cook.   XXXX    Culottes

see if you can get some of Lorna's stick on nips and give them a real giggle! Tell em you are a witch...

Good tactic with the phone...

xxx

Culotte, good luck with the radiotherapy. I had over 3 weeks on chest and the first week on neck also. Its just so exhausting. After so many treatments you don't think you could feel more exhausted, but even lying down is an effort! Arse in the air could have been more interesting if you'd had nips to put on to confuse/make the technician's day LM.

Lorna-Bob (sounds like one of the Waltons haha!) is going to be running out of her stick on nips before her hubby gets to play. I hope you have ordered a box of 1000! That will take care of next month!

Huzzah to cats being back home, but best get that woodburner going LM otherwise they will be fighting to go back to the cattery just to get warm.

Boo Hiss to NH coming to see you next week. Perhaps we can do a snow dance so he can't get there...

Careful with that axe Eugene!

Oooooh and BIG HUG and CWTCHES and MORE HUGS for Ems tomorrow.

Older son has been for tea tonight and I asked him for his bank details as Bank of Mum and Dad have approved a loan for him. Cheeky lad got clip across ear when he said that he had to be wary of  people asking for bank details as they would probably empty his account, then burst out laughing :-)

Colette - THERE you are!!

Much good luck with the radiotherapy hun!!

I can see I have missed pages and pages of Warped so I will send love and luck, and hugs and more love, to everyone!!!!!!!!

I hope I can keep up for the next few weeks, as I doubt I'll make much sense once I am drugged up and delirious from lack of eating at the Heath hahahaha!

{{{HUGS}}}

ems drugged and delerious sounds about right for here!!

Just popped in to say that there is a certain lady on macland called respect and she is one of us... I am trying to tempt her over to the warped side where she belongs so if she pops in to say hello, give her the warm warped welcome I expect from you all and we could try persuasionary tactics ....

She does read this thread.... and the pubes song nearly scared her off but not yet so i think she is made of stern stuff!

Anyway, Hiyah, respect and I know you don't feel like laughing much at the moment but a smile is ok....and uncross your legs before driving eh? You might get the pedals the wrong way round.... eeek!

Night night all... hugs all round

Little My xxxxx

Just had a look to see why you are going on about nips....curiosity killed the cat I know....and I think bob the booby sounds about right,whats so strange about that,but stick on nipples well thats another matter      we really have to hope that LM doesn't get her hands on them as we all know what that could lead to!!!!   Bit late I know but welcome Lorna and good luck.    As this link is also about cats and I know there are cat lovers among you I thought I would tell you what happened yesterday,we have 2 cats living here brought into the household by my friend J who moved in just over 12 months ago......one of them we have nicknamed the "murdering marauder" as she often brings us small furry creatures and feathered friends as well,I know its nature and all that but would prefer that she just eat the food we put down for her and leave the other creatures alone...its not as if she is hungry.    Well anyway we have a" lady that does"  we are not posh or rich but need this lady and she has been coming here for years...well before I moved in.   We all sort of tidy up a bit before she comes..silly I know but we prefer her to actually clean not tidy up after us,but yesterday J wasn't here so her rooms wern't checked over.    Of all the people to find the mouse it had to be P our cleaner,  she refused point blank to remove it...even tho it was dead...and I am not allowed to touch stuff like that because of low immunity....so the man of the house was dispatched to remove offending creature and give it a decent burial.     When J came home she wanted to know if it was still fresh or a bit stiff because apparently she had been looking for ages for a mouse that had been brought in without any luck.  Now I know why I am a dog lover and only tolerate cats       ok dogs don't bring gifts but who wants a mouse anyway   dead or alive.    The offending cat even had the nerve to sit and cry in front of J.....telling her we stole her mouse I presume...humphhh.   Hope all is well with everyone and thank you all for my welcome back XXX   PS as you can see Respect no-one is allowed to leave once you have joined,but its ok they don't bite...well not much anyway.      Culottes