For those with a warped sense of humour WARNING- no punches pulled here

Welcome Sarah, init, to Warpland. How lucky you are, Sarah has fewer letters than nitwit, which was my first dyslexic reading of your name. You obviously belong with this bunch of loons, so what took you so long?

This distraction plan  has some merit and we must work on it.

Firstly Colette, Good Morning although by now you must believe it's probably afternoon, We need a plan of this prison, we don't want to rescue the wrong person. If you can send this to scratchem who must stop the bin men emptying her wheelie bin.

Scratchem if you can wheel your wheelie bin around to the main entrance of the prison, this will cause the distraction with everyone being evacuated through other entrances.

Colette you must make your way to the now deserted main entrance where I shall be waiting with Sleipnir, and a few serpents. Ill also bring the ravens to act as lookouts.

LM can you organise all the baggies, except possibly Hilary who will still be hoovering/ showering, to be there with their hot air balloons for anyone else wanting to escape. We also need a code name for Sarah.

In the meantime,

Love and best welsh cwtches to everyone,

Odin xxx

Hahahaha! My 500th post starts page 160.

Odin xxx

ooooh new people snuck in, during the night....

Hiiiiyyyyaaaaaaaaah! Whooo hoooo welcome and all that. Sounds like you have found your spiritual home! And it is what the title says... though it often gets a bit soppy these days.

Odin, I am so glad your 500th post was so erudite and deep. Hilary may not be so pleased at being accused of as a showering baggy,  though she is obsessed with poo enough to be one!

I have stuck 127 bags on me in readiness and P has just asked me to drive him to the supermarket so I may get arrested for beiing a shoplifter.

My lastest thought is that we ask Respect who is  being bugged by David Cameron is seems, to put in a request to him that we have a hospital for warpees. How much fun would that be eh? well, apart from the drugs and ops etc...

inits code name is developing as we speak.... let me explain sarah, I tend to misread and play with names and words so Colin become Odin our Allfather and god of all and Scraton transformed to scrotum to scratch and sniff and scratchem etc to Cruton. You are currently something to do with eskimos in my head...

All will be revealed after waitrose enjoys my company.

Love to you all

Little my xxx

Happy 500 Odin ballons flags banners waving and party poppers fireworks tonight when it goes dark to get full effect.

Welcome Sarah or will it be Nannook or possibly eskimo Nell hope not Nell cause I am sure there is a very rude poem about her.

Right I am off up the motorway pushing my bin if anyone sees a woman dressed in a deer stalker hat and yellow marigolds and other clothing as well as it's a bit cold could they stop and give her a lift as she is a woman on a mission of mercy not someone to be reported to psychiatric services and locked up.

LM is Waitrose any where near the motorway or will you be passing on your way to Blackburn if so a lift would be appreciated if there is room in the car with all those bags.Hope you don't get picked up for shop lifting and I don't get arrested as a terrorist (the damn thing is still whining) or we will be 2 down on rescue mission.

Hope Hilary has a bit of left over cake as I am over loaded with choklit but will bring some in my bin for Colette.

Great plan Odin over and out

Cruton xxx

hey, go over to google and look at their picture....

They've got a portrait of warped hahaaaaaa famous at last!

I still think the best option is a warped hospital ward. I am dreading my op cos I get put on the bowel ward which is basically the over 80's.... and no internet access. I am small enough to fit in a wheelie bin (and don't ask how I know) so cruton hang on to it...

With my sense of direction, Blakburn is probably on the way to the supermarket so I'll look out for you, alternatively, see you on the big naughty step aka police cell.... me for shoplifting and you for being Bin Laden...  hahahahaaaaaaaaaaa. get it??

P said to me this morning that if school got too much, remember I could leave and get another job cos he didn't want me to be unhappy and don't worry about money etc (I am the sole earner in our house). Tick !

When I pointed out my unemployability and that I may possibly not be here in 5 or 6 year's time he went into mass denial phase... don't be stupid, You are going to be here for 40 years blah blah It was a bit like don't mention the war.... and I know and hope I will be here for a long time, but lets face it, unless GC is more warped than us, he doesn't keep asking me back to stick is finger up my arse cos it's cheaper than paying someone who does that sort of thing to get his kicks eh?

cross!

OK gotta do some marking now. Like that's gonna happen.

Inuit4winter you name is still transforming. You may get away with Sarah, but I doubt it. I was going to say hope you don't mind, but... oh be poitle LM. Ok. Do you mind? we can call you sarah or init or whatever comes.... you say.  I was going to say that I don't have a tumour in my brain to use as an excuse for my misreading and typing but then again, my tumour is in my arse.... so I've just undermined my own arguement..... I do talk a lot of shite too.....

Little My xxx

ps I saved the best till last. I just did a fart.  and? I hear you say... A bum fart! Not a baggy fart. I have not done one since April last year. Hahaaaaaaaa!

I love all the escape plan ideas for Colette! I have plenty of spare bags LM so get ready to catch them, they're on the way! Bloody bags, I keep having to order more as I am no nearer knowing when I will have a reversal.

"Oh we're going to Waitrose..." My my LM, you have gone up in the world, Posh LM now!

Nice to see some newbies on Warped, Sarah, init to win it, I think it is Inuit! Oops have I nicked LM's idea...hopes so ha ha!!!!

Cruton, I was glad that the object you finally found making the noise was a smoke alarm. I was begining to think there may have been some kind of other device with batteries making the noise........ Can you put a picture on here of your get up on the Motorway? I will have to go to the toilet first before seeing though, for I fear I may piss myself.

The weekend is here and I've already been out and about and tis a loverly day! I am going to have the three F's this weekend, Football today (watching an FA Cup match), Fishing tomorrow, and the third F, well I haven't quite worked that one out yet.

Tight Lines (Come on Bristol Rovers!)

Tim xxx

Tim the word you are looking for is flashing   inuit you must be seiously lost if you found your way  to warped.........and Posh you very nearly managed  to do what lodger and clot couldn;t.....kill me off.....I very nearly choked reading your post   Bin L aden indeed.    I was on my way to the front entrance but not allowed in the lift...some sort of bomb scare .     Going of the smell I think some of the "ladies" in here are also getting baggies ready for the great escae.Its nearly visiting time and I am hoping for a secret supply of amber liquid.....if it arrives I am going to party tonight hehe. No-one will notice if I get a little tiddly....except maybe you lot if my posts become unreadable...then again maybe not.Bye for now warpies keep up the good work xxx Colette

Ah hallo dahlings, Posh MY here... where's the red carpet? Oh, its brown now...sorry.

Colete, don't die laughing. Sorry, I'll rephrase that... when you are old and crumbly and your time is up, please die laughing... for now, don't laugh so much that it might do you in!  I was going to say I will try and not make you laugh but lets be honest here.... that aint gonna happen.

 When you said amber liquid I thought of wee.So, then I thought that  you could put it in one of those bags and attach a catheter and then suck it up. That will cause the rest of your ward to faint and you get some peace and quiet. Or while the nurses are dealing with the reaction to this, you would have enough dutch courage to slip out the door. Bimb scare? or bomb scare even.. was it Cruton with her bin laden with goodies?

Tim, if the silver cutlery, napkin folding and caviar didn't give the game away,  then hoorah for Waitrose haha. Oh its like AA... here goes.

My name is Little My and some of your standards, I am a posh bird. There. the elephant in the room is out.

My viking family is posh. I admit it, but they are posh Vikings which is sort of different. we may have a family house with a ballroom in it, but we eat rotten fish and last I saw the ballroom my cousin (who now lives in that house) had his kids riding their bikes in there and a stuffed beever that he had shot in the corner and a litter of kittens squirming around. The rest of us slum it. Posh unfortunatley doesn't equal rich.  P's family were super English posh. 

Actually, joking aside, we only go to waitrose cos in our town, we have a Waitrose, a M&S food shop and a Lidl. Sooooo can't afford M&S food and you can't park next to it and due to naughty sossidges I can't carry the bags to the car and Lidl is for bog roll only so Waitrose it is.

so much for marking books. I got them out of the bag at least and am sat at my desk with them oh and the computer and you lot! Oh dear.

mwa mwa

Duchess My xxx

ps do you know  that one of my distant ancestors was a Baron? How cool would that be? Baroness is boring but Baron makes me think of noustaches and mwa hahaaaa evil cackles and white cats....

maybe there is a castle somewhere that is rightfully mine- we could turn it into a warped hospital and solve all our woes, well, one of them anyway...

It's all right for you lot with your baggies. i am lumbered with a strange palstic dildos that i might have to use 'indefinately'. I know I'm old, but is this what my sex life has come to... sex and drugs and rock 'n' roll all gone, only food left.

Frannie

Ooooh  Frannie, not so fast!! I am also lumbered with the strange plastic dildos for the 'rest of my life' or until I decide its not worth the bother for the chance of sex and no more smear tests!

they are euphistically referred to as my little blue bag. and I wonder if you got cheryl telling you bout the nhs  version of an ann summer's party at the hospital? I have never laughed so much in all my life than the session I had with her explaining them to me..... I came out with tears running down my cheeks from laughing and never got so many tilts!

Have fun with the food...  and drugs? I thought we got lots of them these days.. maybe on prescripton but hey... my arms certainly look like I've been having fun!

I Have to go and take down the tree decorations now and mark some books. As I am a viking, we get an extra day to keep em up, but even I am now officially over into bad luck doomed territory. Oh, I just thought. Maybe my cancer was cos I never take my decorations down on time... hahahahahaaaaaaa well, its about as plausible as some of the theories that came my way and a  lot funnier. that's what I am gong to tell anyone who next asks why I got it. (which bizarrely they do!!)

Countess  Little My of Bagdom.

xxxx