For those with a warped sense of humour WARNING- no punches pulled here

Thank You Odin we are all getting a bit good at this rescue malarkie no swat team has surrounded the house yet and haven't spotted any men in white coats so seem safe for now.

Thanks for the offer of Frank Ruby the dog followed me in the garage and made digging the way out more difficult as he saw it as a game.

the bloody thing is still whiny hic cupping in the bin .I put the bin out at the front but the bin men didn't come but cant get it back down the drive as daughters car in the way so will leave it out till morning trouble is people walking past will hear it how bloody long before the battery runs out? should have taken a hammer to it but thought if my weight doesn't break it not much chance and couldn't find it in there anyway due to way nobhead had left it.When I clear the garage out if I find a hammer I can think of a very good use for it and it's not for smashing whiny alarms.

Starting to think the damn thing is possessed maybe I should try an exorcism but if I am seen cavorting round a bin dressed in a sheet and chanting then it will be men in white coats for sure

Did think to offer it to next door as  mouse deterrent as they still have loads of rubbish having missed bin men last week and no sign of em this week 

whiny hic cups to all

Cruton Scratchem (sounds like a name out of Dickins)

xxxxxx

Errrrr Missus Scratchem, I ar most grateful to thee for giving me such hilarity while I was pedagoging with the young lads and lasses who were parrying forth with... oh sod it enuf Dickens nonsense....

You made me laugh at school when I sneaked on my phone to look at emails...  and reminded me of a nightmare I once had where the same thing happened and I couldn't turn the alarm off- i hit it with hammers and pulled out the wires etc. I woke up and the alarm clock was ringing.

 I  seem to have developed tinnitus for real after my treatment (hmmm another whoo hooo side effect hoorah not. ) Don't get it in the garage though. Actually, I am lying cos I have no idea cos of my sausages, I can't open the garage door so have never stood in there to listen!

Oh Did I tell you that the surgeon put a positive spin on the sausage incidents and said it was good cos it gave him more to play with when he does the op!!

Play what? Do they poke holes in it and blow to get a tune? or marble runs or like balloon modelling????

Anyway, I am delighted its the weekend cos my new timetable started and I am tired. I beat my young charges into shape and they have been most delightful (well, as delightful 26 sixteen year olds in a room can be) my colleagues are annoying as ever but i have been too busy with the kids to talk to them. I have been too busy to go into my hut as well!!!!!!! Next week perhaps.

I do have to do a bit more work and hours and teaching this term so if i am not on as much as usual over the next few weeks don't worry, I am just having to work and mark books etc more than before and I am still a couple of spoons short of a cutlery drawer in every sense I guess... . I will be on here none stop when I have my op cos I will be bored rigid then I guess so call it respite these next few weeks haha. Actaually, what will happen is I will come on here and not do my school work but at least if I tell you lot, I won't feel so bad if I am around as much. Oh I am rambling. what's new?

Colete- are you out yet??? are you ok???? Brave the buttons even if just to say hi.

Hugs to all and biggest good luck to ems for her next week inside and I think Hilary's last chemo is coming next week? Ooooh hooorah

Lots of love and hugs and spoons and all that loveliness to my fave warpy people

Little My xxx

Just a quickie.......still imprisoned and the Doc is threatening  to keep me till next Thursday,I have done a quick reccy and I think if I mug one of the warders......oopss sorry...I mean nurses        then  make my way across the moor before they set off the dogs,I should get back home safely by Wednesday at least. I cant do it any quicker cos of lodger and his cousin clot but I think it wouldmake a good film.  I know Little My has been busy making trousers etc but I am on the 2nd floor and Iwould;t want to disturb the other patients with the digging.        So give me an S give me a H give me an I give me a T what have I got.....another fine mess Stanley.  Or is that another film? XXXXXXX     Colette 

Plan B, we sew all the trousers and bags together and make parachutes out of them and instead of tunnelling, we skydive in!Leave the window open and wish you'd said you were on the second floor before I got all those little kids stuffed down there with their trowels! Mind you, it was gardening day....

Oh and I just thought durrrr why was I sewing bags???? I have loads of bags  and oneunder my trousers already and if we all stick more of them on.....

Come on Tim and Jan, this is one for the baggies!

Baggies to the rescue!

When me and Tim get our reversals, it will be down to Jan. This concerns me cos she won't start till she has done the hoovering and then had a shower and then she will need a shower after digging, and then if she's pissed, she'll go in the wrong direction and tunnel under her dog guard and then the dog will get on the bed so she'll have to go and hoover.....and then shower and ......

So, once we get Colete out, No one else can get stuck ok? Planned ops and chemo and that only. No kidnappings ok?

Big hug to you Colette and sorry I keep spelling your name wrong. Mind you, you could be odin or cruton so I guess you got off lightly....

Anyway, now we have another cunning plan no more s h i t letters needed.

Oh I could nick SC's bum ballooons!!! 2 birds with one stone and all that! I dont get em shoved up my arse and I can fashion a hot air balloon out of them to get you.

Problem solved.

Night night everyone. Have the dreams you dream of :)

Laurel My

xxx

Mice, bins, bomb alerts and hammers for whiny ex's, oops I mean fire alarms, digging and parachutes and sausages. I missed loads then!!

Yes, I shall be back ''inside'' from Monday til Saturday, keeping you posted whenever possible by trying to type in here via my tiny screen on phone :)

What has cheered me no end is getting back in touch, by chance, with an old friend - not had any contact since 2003/4!! And she has moved much nearer, only 30 miles away instead of 130, and we emailed all week, and then arrange to chat tonight - we were on the phone from 10pm until 1am! :))

And she is coming down on 21st - we are very excited! She is as bonkers as you lot ;) (coz of course, I am not...)

Here's to us all feeling ok/better/rested/more spoons... Big Hugs xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Is there no way we can use the smoke alarm, from the garage/bin/rubbish heap next door to set off a distraction? That would at least get you evacuated Colette from there you could be bundled intoa fast get awy car/van/truck...depending on how many others could be liberated.

Thanks for making me smile at this awful o clock time of the morning.

Sorry if the distraction method has already been suggested...only managed to read a few posts as ribs started to ache from laughing.......

Sarah

I am not bonkers either Cariad its just an ugly rumour.......but if I have to stay here much longer its possible I could be.     It really is not easy typing on a tiny keyboard so you have my symphathy and I sincerly hope your fellow inmates are kind to you.     I am still recovering from an incident involving 2 walking sticks and being refered to as that Gentleman.......must be the haircut.....but its too long a story to relate with 1 finger,will save it for another time.      At least I can read the posts easily enough....its what keeps me sane...ahem cough cough. Good morning to you all xxxxxx Colette

Yay....someone else up and typing, although I guess if you're in "prison" they are trying the "let's keep the light on" form of torture....you sound strong...don't give up the escape plan!

I am having so much fun....got woken at stupid o,clock with farts groans cries of pain etc and thats just the warders,now its bed bath time joy of joys.  Fortunatly I still have use of my legs so have so far managed to avoid this particular form of torture and am collecting various missiles to throw at the lights should they come on.  One of my favorite warders is transferring to the maternity unit perhaps I could go with her.....all the weight I put on I look the part  hahaha.   Speaking of which....weight...it must be nearly breccy time, sawdust and dry bread....aka muesli and bread....no butter cos I heard the warders saying they take it off the trolly.   My sister brought in a Red Cross parcel complete with Jelly babies and I saved a packet of Tuc when I landed  and as the others are mostly comotose I dont have to share.   I have worked very hard to gain this weight and dont want to lose it now.   I will try to get another message out soon just looking for a suitable pigeon   xxx Colette

hiya colette

try your fruit juice in your muesli and let it soak a bit...

that got me through breakfast at Burnley...

jackie xx