For those with a warped sense of humour WARNING- no punches pulled here

The barking bit i can deal with  woof woof  but i hope the rest ain;t catching. I am getting more ageist by the minute and have asked for a transfer to the childrens ward  I could end up ill in here. xx   Even one of the nurses wants to come with me.    ooh er   getting evil  looks from an old dear      bye for now and thanks for the rescue attempts    

Colette,  all I can say is eyemask and if Hils experiences of old people in hospital are anything to go by then your going to need earmuffs and a clothes peg !!!!!!

Ruby xxxx

I can't leave you lot for 5 minutes can I?????

WTF Colete!!! Here's me telling my little darlings to step up and make the most of their lives and there's my phone pinging away with emails and I can't answer them, cos for some reason, schools don't like teachers texting their mates in class....

Anyway, STAY WHERE YOU ARE! Get the clot busting drugs and then we will come and rescue you. I got the horse from the gym and got the kids sewing bags for our trousers and nicked the shovels from the school garden so mission rescue Colete is on... and I wished I lived somewhere near Blackburn. I don't know where it is, but I know its not near me, or not near enough for me to hop in my car anyway.

Good luck and Chit and feck and all that but hoorah for the lodger getting his marching orders!!!!  I'll galdly give him a thwack on the bum on the way out....

You take care now and I sympathise a lot. when I was in for my op, I had an old lady opposite me who whenever she was put in her chair for breakfast or whatever, she would wait till the nurses had gone and then pull down her knickers and do a poo on the chair and then use whatever was on the tray to try to wipe her bum. I couldnt get out of bed to do anything about it and the woman next to me was too busy vomiting back up her breakfast..... Happy days... not. Actually that reminds me... why have I just let that surgeon persuade me to go back?

I will be passing on the shovel later.

School was fun with the kids mostly and not fun with idiot colleagues. And do I have to go back again tomorrow she whined?????

The rest of you had better behave ok?

Little My (who is on the naughty step for doing something a bit silly involving lots of books, a shelf and her sausages. Ahem. So very grateful for the cushions and things.. thank you)

xxxxx

Oh Collette,

Hope you are sorted soon and once you are the rescue is in it's planning stages and is ready for GO! and a very good boot up the arse to lodger, good news on that front.

Have you got ear plugs and eye mask, they are a must in hossie.  And a book or mag or game to hide your face in.  Or I just hide under my dressingown and refuse to come out.  Hope you haven't one of the confused old dears that I usually end up with.  Calling taxis or getting on the bus in the middle of the night, oh dear.

Take care

Jan xxxx

Hey Colette - it's cr*p but sometimes hospital is where we need to be, although I hope for a short stay as possible for you!! I empathise, as last time I went in they had to give me a private room for chemo but couldn't find one on first night so I was in a general ward on the strokes and rehab ward - I was kept up until maybe 2/3 am by the shouting and bed wetting and one of them thought I was a nurse!

As the others have said, keep curtains closed, keep earphones in,  keep a book up in front of your face and generally zone out. You'll be released soon hun!

Love

Ems xxx

Hi all, I've not caught up or read anything from 8 days ago. Just wanted to say OOPS, I just took over the community home page because I was copying notes from Facebook into blogs.

EEEK! Colette! Just read your posts!!!!!!

For the past two days when I went out the back door I kept hearing a loud buzzing noise.

I couldn't seem to find were it was coming from and thought well maybe it's tinnitus but why does it only happen when I am going out the back door?

So I asked the daughters to come and listen and they could hear it too so by the law of averages all three of us could not have cracked up at the same time but then again considering the last few months well mmmmmmm

thought if they can hear it too then I am not finally cracking up and also the threat of being shoved in the local old peoples home can be put aside for the moment.

We couldn't seem to find the source of the noise and decided to blame next door maybe they had put one of those alarm things up to scare mice as they had missed the bin men and had loads of rubbish left in their drive.

Any way today I thought I will get to the bottom of this the noise seemed to come from the garage now I rarely venture in there it was the domain of the nobhead and soon to be decree absolout one so armed with rubber gloves and daughters deer stalker type hat firmly on head to protect from dropping spiders (both daughters spider phobic I am not to bad) opened the door what a bloody tip I couldn't even take a step inside he had left it a tip.Note to self big skip come spring and empty garage.

Well started to dig my way in but as I threw things out behind me blocked the way out never mind 

could hear the shrill noise more loudly so after much digging and heaping of curses on the nobhead moving stuff about found the source of the noise a bloody smoke alarm he must have bought it new and the noise was cause the battery was going flat so tried to stand on it as couldn't open it but even my great weight wouldn't break it so managed to tunnel my way out and stuck it in a bowl of water it still wouldn't give up but was making high pitched hiccuping noise instead of high pitched whine so decided I would shove it in the bin as bin men due today.

This may cause a problem if they hear it will they call the bomb squad and have me arrested for being a terrorist and if they see me in yellow marigolds and a dear stalker hat will I be carted off to either the psychiatric ward or the old peoples home, I await my fate

Cruton xxxxx

Worry not scratchem,

If they take you away, the rescue squad is ready to spring you.

Odin xxx

I thought you had gone a hunting mice with your deerstalker hat on, I could have sent Frank in to help, remember my fat furry friend who steals Gammon steaks on boxing day and anything else that's going, but he is the best hunter on the estate, rabbits, rats (big ones), birds and just about anything, I don't know how he would cope with an alarm though. He does like to eat spiders lol.

I don't know all these rescues, this could turn into a full time job. LOL

Hope the bin men have been and not the white coats !!!!!!!!! 

Ruby xxxxxx