For those with a warped sense of humour WARNING- no punches pulled here

Hiya Tim,

Lovely to hear from you, and so glad you had a brill Christmas, i was doing a bit of my worrying and thinking your baggy was cloggingl up again.  Though I think you should have made a bit more effort and got drunk enough to fall over like me hehe :)

As for wombles, i'm deffo bungo with a bit of tomsk unfortunately thrown in i think.

Take care all

Jan xx

ps hope you're still managing to get through the ordeal ok LM. Hello, HELLO I said HELLO OUT THERE LM over, over zzzzzzzzzzzzzz

oh my god, you would not believe how awful this is... I am so close to committing murder!

Lets express our thoughts through the medium of colout. Here have a crayon and draw how you feel things are at the moment...

Where's the poo coloured crayon? asks LM

I got told off for giggling and not taking it seriously. Look, LM you need to listen to this cos its your picture they are talking about...

Now, we are going to deface eachother;s pictures to show how it really is...

Pass the poo crayon again eh?

Oh god, I would rather stab my eyes with pins and have sc dilate my bum than do this...

We started arguing, err sorry discussing at 9am. we have just finished now at 9pm. I want to cry. They went to the pub. I said I felt sick and needed to go to bed so better go before they come back!

Knitting lentils would be fun, but I might commit first degree murder with the knitting needles...

Oh lord you wouldn't believe how cringing it is.

After dinner, Oh why dont we all sing together first eh?

Why don't we see how many kitchen utensils I can shove up your arse in a minute?

Oh sorry, did I say that out loud?

Come and rescue me please. I have lost the will to do anything. I even feel like resigning from my job and going to work on the checkouts at the supermarket cos I bet they don't make you talk about which planet we are aligning with and as its Mars this session, we can ....... kill each other? oh please say that? oh no, discuss.

Anyway, my dears, I have to go and play cancer cards. Get to go home at lunchtime tomorrow so see you all then, if I have not been locked up for ramming a full English breakfast into every orifce of a certain person.....

Sorry for the violent thoughts..... but Hilary's account starts at her end point. Lets just say on of them is dressed in colours to match the days of the week and the associated planet and whatever.

I am dressed in brown for obvious reasons.

Love you all and don't ever let me out of your site again please

Secret agent LM failing miserably....

xxxxx

HUGS LM,nearly over.Terrible when you cant even have a laugh,tut tut xxxxxxxxxxx

Hello LM 

no you have not failed your mission you have been sorely tested and come out the other side just as mad as you were when you went in.Their wicked attempt to convert you to knitting lentils has failed despite all their best efforts and the up side well depends on your perspective you managed it without fatally injuring any of them.

when I said you were doomed it was because I had to go on a couple of these things when I did my counselling course a good few years back and yes there was the colouring thing and finding objects to represent your life path and making masks with the front what you show the world the back what you hide and so on that was in the days when a few of us naughty ones took loads of hidden booze and had sneeky parties when tutors had gone to bed to get over the nonsense we had to do in the day.

You have survived that is if you get through breakfast without the misuse of a full English so hurry home and don't stop to hug trees on the way

Hugs

Cruton  xxx

PS have to take a brush and bin bag there are complaints about the mess we left last time we were on the naughty step biccy crumbs,door splinters empty bottles more bits of door and so on

Not long till lunch time, so throw away that bobble hat , hiking boots and those brown knee length shorts, put down the knitting needles (although you could use them as spears) and the crayons (Im sure they would fit nicely up all their bottoms) Sanctuary awaits and I fear a few doors being thwacked shut.

Good luck this morning

Can't wait to hear all about it. 

Ruby xxxx

Oh dear Cruton I didn't mean to complain about the mess...although i might have known LM was involved somehow,I really cant expect her to start cleaning up after the terrible ordeal she has been through,so I have been in and sorted it,I even put a few comfy cushions in there as well, also if you go 2 steps up you might find a mini fridge well stocked with goodies.     BTW LM don't even think about working in a supermarket,I did years ago and had to do far more than express myself through colour at the interview.........it didn't end there either,nearly every day we had to do this bonding thing with our "Colleagues" and go to team sessions daily trying to think up new ways of selling the products to customers......duh...... if I didn't have to spend so much time away from the customers I might have been able to double the profits.      Catch you all soon,gotta go for a scan today to see what is happening with the lodger in my lung,he was served with an eviction notice some months ago but we need to check he hasn't left any rubbish behind or even decided not to go after all.     Hugs for everyone XXXX Colette

Hi Colette thanks for the clean up,cushions and mini fridge it will come in handy for those of us who spend a lot of time on that step just don't tell Odin.

Good Luck today lets hope the unwanted lodger has taken the hint

Hugs 

Cruton xxx

LM - it is (nearly) all over, and you have come out the other side a stronger and a better person. BUT, and this is a big but, are you now wearing rainbow-coloured underpants?

When I get better I'm going to think seriously about a career change - if poxy cancer's taught me anything, it's that life's too short to spend it being miserable (I did kind of know that before, but cancer's brought it into focus) - so who knows what ordeals may lie ahead of me. I may have to bond. Although if anyone asks me to make a mask to show what I'm really thinking, I shall just lie like crazy and draw fluffy kittens all over it.

Colette - thank you for the clean-up, the place looks quite lovely now. And good luck! Bloody squatters, who needs them?

xx

Oh the mask thing I just covered a piece of cardboard with foil some made really fancy and elaborate masks covered in all sorts of stuff  I was hung over too much lucozade and vodka and couldn't be bothered faffing about so when it was my turn to share I held it up and one of them said your mask has not got  any eyes bloody hell what a load of cobblers so I said do you need my mask to have eyes?I then spouted it is reflective  (well it was made of foil)people  look at it and see what they want to see and make assumptions and just made up a load of crap and they loved it passed it round to look at it's shiny reflectiveness it was just a bit of cardboard covered in foil you'd think I had just painted a masterpiece ah those were the days 

Cruton x

Think you should be out of there now LM, phew you made it.  Eager to hear all about it.

Good luck for your scan Collette and good riddance to lodgers, my fingers and toes are tightly crossed.

So cruton, you've experienced the silliness poor LM has had to endure?  That foil mask idea is quite genious, quick thinking eh even with a hangover from lucazade and vodka haha :)

Hi Hils, sounds like you have this retreat stuff sussed out and I enjoy reading your wise words.

Hey looks like that step is a good place to be these days, cushions and mini fridge. (what's in the fridge)? 

Catch you all later, we've got Big fat quiz of the year on, it's very entertaining, av any of you seen it this year?

Take care

Jan xx