For those with a warped sense of humour WARNING- no punches pulled here

That is the best idea yet! Now, I wonder if waitrose sell surstromming.....

And Tim I'm hanging on to the xxl invincible cummerbund a bit longer just in case I need a gettaway. Actually I reckon I could catapult myself home with it...

Hilary, before cancer, I was dedicated and competent. I admit it. Now, I am no longer that dedicated for some reason. I will admit to being competent cos you won't believe me if I said I wasn't.  Just a Dilligaf these days. (Do I look like a give a f... )

I am also an approver of all that hippy newagey stuff (have to be where I work!), but I love my gadgets and computer. And what I don't like is when it becomes a fascist glaring at you disapproving type thing. The holier than thou... Lets face it, pretty much everyone is holier than me except I did give up smoking cos of Hefty and I am not happy about that. I am also with you on the Oh it might give you cancer and have been known to say quite often...

" why? what's it going to do? Give me cancer? Oh got that already..."  chomp, glug burp. I did spend 3 glorious weeks saying the same about cigarettes to horrifed onlookers but had to give in on that one really. Ho hum. Just call me Saint My of Warpedom.

I nipped off to have lunch and have now forgotten everything. Well, that's not strictly true, I still remember that the capital of Norway is Bergen ;) and that I shit in the woods. (or anywhere for that matter... Oh oh oh ohhhhhh! that reminds me of a poo story  I forgot to tell you damn you say, thought we'd got away with that one.. we don't have a bath in our house- just a shower so when I went to the swanky hotel I had a bath for the novelty factor. Hadn't had a bath with baggy before and he did a poo.  I thought oh I'm doing a poo in the bath and it made me laugh...  Well, it made me laugh anyway...please yourselves...  )

I think jan got drunk? Educated guess eh? Oh Hilary was having cake for breakfast and Jan fell over with a sparkler.

 I just had a smoked duck and redcurrent jelly sandwich. The joys of leftovers... and before you think I am that posh that I buy smoked duck for my sarnies,  the smoked duck was in a hamper my mad swedish relatives sent me... along with smoked vension and smoked salmon... shame there wasn't a smoking little my in there cos I still miss it... had you noticed?

One more childhood story for you to keep you going while away. In sweden they have this stuff called Kaviar. Its pink and cheap and not like the other expensive caviar and comes in tubes like cheese spread. Anyway, we always had a tube mouldering away in the back of the fridge. We had moved house and I went to a new school that was in quite a rough area. We went on a school trip and we were comparing what we'd brought. Egg sarnies, and ham sarnies and cheese sarnies etc. I said, Oh my mum hadn't been shopping so I had to make caviar sandwiches and a boiled egg but I don't like them cos the silver on the spoons makes them taste funny. Anyone want to swap? The silence was priceless... What? what? says LM....

Anyway, gotta go and try and be sensible and I am soooooo not in the mood for it.

Oh and Ruby... yes. Womble knickers. Priceless indeed. Should have been given invincibles at an early age eh? Might have stopped all kinds of mischief being made... ah those were the days when I had bits that worked and the energy to make them work snigger snigger and on that note...

Cheerio

Little My xx

someone point me to the room

Hi Colete, I see you found the room but can't comment at the moment... sending you a hug though.

HELP!!! I have sneaked on here while they are all asleep or in the shower or whatever. Its ghastly. We went on for ages last night and as we were going to bed, I went to switch the laptop on and one of them said... remember its a retreat now... we're having none of that. You need to take your thoughts from tonight into your sleep... and not have them sullied by distractions!

Hmm wanna know what my thoughts are this morning? I wonder if a laptop would fit up there or would i pop my sausages out trying?

Anyway, gotta go cos they are getting up. Like a secret covert mission this. They have planned in a walk though its so stormy they might not go but if they do, I am going to play a cancer card and my dodgy hips and not go and sneak on here instead.

Oh bugger one of them just got up and came down and I said I was just sending an email to a friend to wish them good luck for some tests today... so good luck!

everyone's getting up- gotta go.

Love you

Secret Agent LM xxx

Dont go popping your sausages....by the time you read this I will have gathered the rest of the agents and laptop will have been put into place for you,it might need a wipe down when you retrieve it cos not everyone has a nice shiny bum like what you do.This message will self destruct in 30seconds.     Oh and btw I am off to London on Thursday to see a show but expect good internet and mobile there but if I get stuck in hotel and need rescuing just mind the windows when you abseil down to get me.      If you get captured tell em nowt remember your training.   Colette XX

Do not take your thoughts into sleep or you will sleep walk with an axe 

trouble with the airy fairy stuff is they take it all far too seriously give em the the Swedish delicacy  use the invincibles make sure your wearing the wombles to give those watching below a treat  and hang glide off and away.

Cruton xxxx

He he to the title Orinoco!  Oh what a dillema you're in LM.  It's just not funny but yet i'm laughing, sorry. How on earth did you get yourself in this position and when will you get out of it?  xxx

It is a sad reflection on Hooman Nature that the more serious and well-meaning people are, the more they irritate. I think it's the perpetual one-upmanship that does it: you know - you give money to charity, or whatever, but Saintly Person A spends all their weekends working in a soup kitchen, and Saintly Person B gives their shoes to every homeless person they meet, and Saintly Person C doesn't even own shoes ... (see also 'vegetarianism', where just being vegetarian is never quite enough).

However, if the weather there is anything like the weather here, then if they still insist on going for their walk - and I wouldn't put it past them, I bet they're the hearty type, they probably own khaki shorts and rucksacks and little woolly hats - then you should be able to push one or two of them off a cliff. And they have no Abseiling Invincibles. Ha!

If there's an accident whilst you're wearing your Wombling pants, may we refer to it as Orinoco Flow?

xxx

Hils, I love your no nonsense approach to life, and I suspect that you do not suffer fools gladly ( think that's the saying).

I wonder if they have all been blown away yet !

Don't know if the womble pants can with hold any accidents. xxxx

Hello Warpees,

I've been very busy over the hols with the family, I mean it, and I only got out fishing once!

Seems to me (catching up) that it is becoming a bit of a habit you LM to be posting from hotels! Hope the schools stuff is not to boring. Did you take your womble knickers with you?

I managed to make baggy work overtime a couple of times, but this time no issues and I really had a great Xmas break. Hope you all did too.

I never got drunk like Jan, but I did come pretty close one day when I drank too many pints, the volume cripples me and the next day I'm always sick from when I wake up until midday. Must remember to stick to bottles!

Following on the Womble theme, is Colin going to morph into Great Uncle Bulgaria? Which Womble suits you, or do you think describes someone best, hee hee!

• Great Uncle Bulgaria - the Wombles' leader
• Tobermory - an engineer.
• Orinoco - a shirker who loved sleep and food.
• Bungo - over-enthusiastic and bossy.
• Tomsk - an athletic Womble with a rather low IQ
• Wellington - scientifically inclined, but very insecure and absent-minded.
• Madame Cholet - a cook.
• Miss Adelaide - schoolmistress.
• Alderney - Madame Cholet's assistant.

Tight Lines

Tim xxx

Hi Tim, So glad you had a good Christmas with the family and you didn't get too drunk oh and baggy behaved himself.

I suspect Colin would make a wonderful Great Uncle Bulgaria,  as for myself I would be more along the lines of Orinoco and wellington without the scientific bit.

Shame you only got fishing once, weather has not been that great. We live near a very famous trout and salmon river, there are some real monsters in there you would definitely need LM's XXXXXL  pants to catch them with.

Ruby x