For those with a warped sense of humour WARNING- no punches pulled here

How could anybody be down for too long after reading your blogs Little My!!

By the way, did you know there are a lot of head tilters who talk to wifes and carers too? You can't possibly be laughing, can you, worrying times, yes worrying times, tilt............

Ofcourse they are worrying times, but..............................

I remember children coming home from Uni too! Mmm. I had to go and pick up a car full of possessions as well as off-spring. Have brilliant time with Max, sounds like he will be worn out before he goes back, well perhaps not!

Hope you have a fantastic Christmas. Students stay up late and get up late don't they? So whose putting the Turkey on early?

Respect

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Oooooh! Hello Respct! Welcome to warp land... Nice to meet you. And thank you for the kind compliments about my blogs... :)

The next one had better be funny too or I'll be bleedin furious if GC/FC spoils my festivities! (not that I am nervous or anything you understand... oooh 34 hours to go haha)

My son is an eccentric (who'd have thought eh? me having an odd kid ) so he gets up early and goes to bed early-ish. He's always up before me... though his cooking is a bit odd to say the least so I won't be trusting him with the cooking.

I don't really like turkey... and neither do P or Max and as there are only 3 of us, a big turkey seems a bit pointless esp as you have to eat the damn thing for days  so we have lamb instead.

tastes nice, is really nice cold, doesn't go dry the next day, can do lots with the left overs that actually taste nice, and you don't have to get up at the crack of dawn to cook it Oh and if its a bit pink you don't get food poisoning! Convinced you all away from turkey yet? Have you ever wondered why we only eat it at Christmas? ha ha..

Oh and Respect, you brave lady, tilt tilt, caring for your poor dear hubby tilt tilt, oh how aaaaare you bearing up?Such a hard time to put on a brave face and try and pretend to be jolly tilt tilt. I think you may even get worse tilts than those of us with it.. at least we can be rude and get away with it!

You sound like you are in the right place here on warped...

 My new motto:

Cancer may stop me insert your own whatever at this point e.g. putting on my socks some mornings and may make me shit myself but it will not stop me laughing and enjoying my life. (the shit bit may have to be removed for certain audiences... except I think you lot all know and we over here do seem to be a tad obsessed with poo... oh that reminds me.. reply to change...

Oh and what's with you lot all being moderated all of a sudden? Have they just noticed us all swearing all of a sudden? errr ooops! It was not me wot started it guv honnest!

Anyway, welcome over here respect and have a giggle on me

Hang on a sec....

"Oi! Back to work, boy! what do you think this is? a holiday? "

snigger

Little My xxx

ps Tim, you filled  bag yet?

What the ...........

I cannot begin to reply to you all. Its a fortnight since I came on warped and you have all been so busy.

First of all, my check up went really well. Consultant was beaming at seeing his success story ...although he always talks of it being a team effort. All my friends know that i am a little in love with the man as he put such much effort into getting me to this place, and also was aware of how the illness affected my self-esteem and confidence.

The stool pictures were familiar as I had one to fill in after my stem cell transplant....mostly 7s...and I had to weigh them too!

Ems, poo to doctor who took your bone marrow and bone sample from your hip! I had mine taken from near the base of my spine.

I enjoyed Colin's talk description. Are you recycling for your next talk?

Scraton, getting rid of Nobhead will leave you free to get on with the things that really matter. His loss! Sounds as if he may grow into a lonely old git!

LM Great to have Max home, and that P is settled in your new home, and is coming to a realisation that he can be happy. Huzzah for shiny things, and trollbeads and surprises. And if he needs a little bolthole that is fine too as long as he doesn't go into THE CAVE! Now remind me, how old is your class? Drawing pictures of wiilies and writing poo are 6yr old activities, but I know things have deteriorated to a level that F*** off is standard, but the c word???

Tim, hope baggy is behaving. Hubby is taking youngest off to see THE Baggies on Boxing Day. M is a Villa supporter but fancied some time with his dad, who is a WBA supporter. I hope it doesn't end in tears.

I'm sorry that I have not mentioned everyone.....but something to make you all laugh.....

We had a phone call from a former colleague of my husband. She was ringing before she wrote her Christmas card to us to see if I was still alive! I took a similar call from her last year. ha ha ha!

Hope all the chemo, and checks go well.

Oh! and as I'm soon to be reminded, babies poo in mangers, beds, everywhere!!!

Silent nights

Louise xxxxxxx

Hiya warpies just thought i would pop in to see what you are all up to,I fully agree that children should be put to work as soon possible....my teenager has grown far too big so i can not get her up chimneys anymore(my own fault cos I kept on feeding her) and I have been unable to find a coalmine open in the area,the cotton mills are also closed,what is a parent meant to do with them now?           While I am pondering this dilemma I have to think of ways of making her earn the shiny new car( y reg but still shiny) that I bought for her,and have started her off gently, as I am the only one here that bothers to put out the rubbish and recycling stuff.....which have been neglected....that has been her first task.   I can now walk into the kitchen and not have to negotiate various bags full of paper/plastic/cans etc.    Next she is going to learn how to empty the ashes from the grate as we always have a lovely fire lit at Christmas,then she can bring in the coal and logs.   After breakfast I will show her where we keep the dolly tub and the mangle so she can do the washing, after that she will be making a bed for Aged Aunt who is staying for Christmas and then she has to make her own bed up in the attic( as Aunt is sleeping in hers).           I would be most grateful for suggestions as to what would keep her occupied after lunch.       Just remembered.....seeing away in a manger....my eldest singing in her nativity play at school very loudly sang  The kettle is boiling and not the cattle are lowing....she still manages to embarrass me to this day.    Hoping all your baggies behave themselves and everything else is ok for everyone and that you are all as well as can be expected (tilt tilt) .I am off for chemo today and it should be my last but as there has been no visible change in the cancer on my last xrays i don't know what is going to happen.        Oh and if Aged Aunt dares say to me......Sit down you are doing too much.....which she does even when I am well.....you may be needing more than a new door in The Room.    Hugs for the girls, kisses for the boys and a Happy Christmas for you all XXXXXX    Colette

Stinker, just to say we have been commenting on your blog but they are all off to the moderators! Few he's going to be busy... we do care!

Next time that person phones up, wind them up...

 Oh, I could have so much fun with that one... I know P would shout out over the phone- she wants to know if you are still alive!?  Oh hang on I'll check... tell her phone back...

Oooh you get all the fun :D

Got to get up now to get a tree and do the food shopping and start wrapping pressies and the like...

Happy Solstice and the return of the Sun always makes a Little Viking very Happy :)

Hilary, are you inspired yet? If not, lounge on your fainting couch in an attractive pre raphaelite manner and take Laundenum.. that should do the trick... or scare the cats. One or the other.

xxx

Now, where's my whip....  Oi, boy! Back up that chimney...!  fffffffetttttttchewwwwwwww

"But mama, tis the festive season... have some heart for a poor waif and stray.... ?"

A Dickensian novel in the making... Sorry, must get up. x Oh Hils, there's something for you... a Dickens warped Christmas...

Good morning to all you lovely loony lot.  Sorry i've not been in a warped mood for many weeks now so have just popped in for a quickie read now and then.  I'm hoping normality will now be resumed hehe!! So in that vein and it's safe 'cos i'm a few lines in!!

Fuck and pissflaps (that is a good one Ems) to you cancer and we look forward to a much better 2012 each and everyone.  But now that Christmas is right upon us, don't rush it away, enjoy it in whatever way we choose this year.  Best wishes and love, hugs and a big onwards and upwards to you all.

Oh Tim, sorry your baggies being naughty, do you think a few pints of the good old scrumpy might ferment and get flushing stuff through, so to speak.  Just a thought, and you'd enjoy it going down eh!

Lesley, I hope the upcoming trials are superdooper but future treatment doesn't shadow Christmastime.  Get pissed, be merry and all that shit (you do drink don't you?)

Scraton, Good riddance to nobhead so you too can get pissed be merry and all that shit (what's your tipple)?

Louise, or should I say Nanny Louise nearly.  OOOh how exciting, get pissed be merry and all that shit (wine from the post food show eh, nice).

LM, Despite you funnies, we love you for them, you've had a tough bit going on. Shit, balloons, sausages etc.  Stuff to them all for now, enjoy Max, P, cats and you cuddled up getting pissed, be merry and all that shit (can cats get pissed).

Hils, Naughty chest better start being good.  I know you wanted to cancel Christmas but I also know even without the alcohol (no getting pissed, oh bugger), you will celebrate to your chemo brain max. You are amazin.

You too Ems, another amazin gem! Get pissed (when the kids are in bed hehehe sssshhhhh) be merry and all that shit. 

Colin, You deserve a huge big contented Christmas, you are a huge support on here and a lovely Odin. Get pissed, be merry and all that shit.

Shaz, Hope things are going well and you all have a good pissed, merry and no shittiness Christmas.

Why didn't I write a list of all my friends on here, damm, i've failed.  I've got you two Chrissies mixed up in my head as to which one is the cake decorator.  I think it's you Chrisie and not Nin or is it the other way round.  Please tell me off and let me know.  Anyway A very happy Christmas to you both and get pissed, be merry and all that shit.

I apologise if I have forgotten anyone, but the list is from my brain so that's always going to be a bit dodgy.

Love and hugs to you all, here on warped.  You have all been such good friends and up and beond supportive.  I can be a rabbit or a piglet or a tigger and even an eeyore and you are there for me THANKS

Take care

Jan xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

GGrrrr, i've just spend the last 45mins writing to you all on here and yes i used a few choice swear words.  It was all well thought out and it's gone to the moderator.  What's going on at all.

Well for now then a simple hi to you all, i've missed being on here and love and hugs to you all

Take care

Jan xxxxxxxxx

Well, that's all my Mac friends going to get really and truly drunk over Christmas/New Year if we all adhere to Jan's instructions. Hope the baggies have loads of baggies to hand...they will be needed. I did wake in the early hours and suddenly remembered that I had not made any comment about Sunny. Good that she is keeping in touch with you LM

Stop playing peep po from behind that cloud Sunny, and come and show yourself again xxxxx

I still have Sunny on my friends list and think of her every time i come on the site. Give her a huge hug from me....and I hope you told her how grateful I am in particular to you LM and Sunny, because you were my first friends that dealt with the mess I was at the beginning of the year.

Thanks to all that have replied in some way to my status and blogs. You have helped so much....and Grrrrrrrrrrrr to moderators. I am a big girl and can screen stuff ya know!

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Colette, you sneaked in ahead of me when i was writing this morning... SIT DOWN! you are doing too much hahahaaaaa. tilt tilt. Hope the chemo went ok and you are not feeling too crappy for Christmas. Get your daughter to cook dinner, clean the bathroom, and the oven ready for that dinner. She could also do the shopping and sneak you out for some fun too.... that should keep her going for today.

Got the tree, did the food shopping- was so so tired after that supermarket shop! Usually I go with P, He does the shopping and I drift around the shop looking decorative if we are lucky or shambolic if we are not and read the magazines. Today was my turn (I do Christmas dinner) and before you all shout at me, Max came along to carry bags and lift stuff. I had forgotten how tiring it is... especially when its packed with grumpy people looking like they are stocking up for a nuclear fallout...

Had to sit in the cafe and have a cup of tea before I could face going to the checkout and made it home.

Got a takeaway and now slumped big time in the big comfy armchair with the sheepskin that fat cat s sared of. He is snoring next to me on the floor!

Off to the hospital tomorrow for my check up with GC or FC so Rolos at the ready and Sunday bum polished. wonder if I should get a festive merkin for the occasion... maybe some flashing lights or one that plays a tune? Oh that would make me laugh... picture it my dears, GC and his shiny face saying lie down on the couch and drop em and there was a read and white Father Christmas merkin with twinkly lights flashing playing Jingle bells Hahahahaaaa. Oh and do I replace the Rolos with something festive? NO NO NO not a chocolate orange!!!!! Don't even think about it.

Of course i am a tad nervous... even though I won't admit it. My sensible head says all will be fine, my psycho head says if it was guaranteed to be fine, then he wouldn't want to see me every 4 or 6 weeks would he eh? Cos I am sure that he is not that weird that he just likes sticking his fingers up arses for pure fun... So, leaving the boys at home cos  I like to go on my own and be able to concentrate if you know what I mean and once I am home (assuming he doesn't say anything scary) then we can decorate the tree and start celebrating Chirstmas proper!

Jan, are you the president of the Alcohol Marketing Board??? Just asking...

I'm not going to do the merry christmas one and all just yet cos I'll be back on again...

Oh oh ohohhhhh! I just booked me and Max into a spa luxury exclusive sea view hotel with indoor pool and hot tubs and free bloomin eveythiing for the night Ha haaaa Get in!! Well, it was on special offer and we have slummed it for years and this may well be the only Christmas that we ever have some money so lets have some fun with a bit of it eh?

Huge Viking hugs to you all and Happy Soltice... Welcome back my dear Sun x and Stinker I would also love it if we could welcome back another dear Sunny sun. I'll try again...

Ok, I forgot now what you all said. It's a bit like being pissed having chemobrain!

I love you you're my best mates...

Little My xxx

oh I might try and change my picture to a seasonal Little my but a bit worried I'll end up as a CHristmas tree... oh sod it lets try... x

Good luck with the Hospital appointment, hope all goes well, oh and put the psycho head back in the drawer you don't need it .

Hotel sounds great with luxury all the way and sea views, fantastic. Make sure you make full use of all the freebies and borrow all the nice shiny things like soap, shampoo, dressing gowns and any big towels that you can never buy in shops (better take a big bag with you)!!!!!!

Supermarket sounded like fun NOT, I hate them this time of year when everyone seems to go bananas with bulk buying, like buying bags of bloody brussels  sprouts that hardly anyone likes!!!

Don't turn into a Christmas tree!!!!!!!!

Ruby xxxx