For those with a warped sense of humour WARNING- no punches pulled here

Tim, I'm sorry you've been poorly, but ha! Viruses. They thought my cancer was a virus for a while. (It wasn't, strictly speaking, the cancer, it was the crap on my lung, but still.)

I don't know whether they still do it, but when my sister had her children she was offered Guinness as a restorative. She won't drink it, and was quite miffed they wouldn't let her have cider instead.

I'd quite like a DustBuster - especially a pretty-coloured one. Or one of those lightweight Dysons for doing the stairs, anyway. But, and this is a big but, there would have to be another part to the pressie, and that would jolly well better be scent or jewellery or something of that ilk. This is where your plan went amiss, I feel.

Ems, poo, socks and shiny things pretty much sums up Life. It's the ratio of each that make the difference.

xx

evening all....

what happens? I read all the posts, click on reply and go to type and.... blank. Nothing. No memory of what was said.... oh dear.

Bigfub is buying us sins. I would like gluttony I think please.

Tim, got a virus from drinking guiness and Hilary wants a scented dustbuster...

Ems is snoozing. Nos da lovely.

Cruton said something about my warbling and it made me laugh but I can't remember what is was now Oh and the laraoke for the deaf hahahaaaa.

How devious can a Little My be?

Very.

Listen to this... (what I said to my fellow soloists )

" How come its the teachers doing the singing solos? Shouldn't the oldest pupils be doing it? The parents don't want to see us do they? and it would help inspire the younger ones if older pupils are doing it"

Good thought, LM, but its too late for them to do it on their own now...  

"What if we ask a pupil to sing each of the parts with us? One teacher, one pupil together? "

Oooooh yes good idea say the unsuspecting singers... so I now have the girl in my class who has singing lessons and performs etc singing my solo with me Hahahahaaaaaaaa.!!!! So I can sing shitey night to myself and snigger and it won't matter... I get the glory for being brave' and singing the solo and she covers my back with good nice noises Ha haaaaaa.

I think that wins me a warped prize of some description eh?

I am also officially knackered. Still, its the last week of term and I have not shit myself for 2 days now (mostly I suspect cos baggy has diarrhoea so nothing getting through and down but who cares why) so whoo hoo. Had to mention poo somewhere eh?

Poo to crappy things and yay to happy things and yay that I don't have to sing on my own in front of the entire school now...

Big hugs all round and.....

Happy St. Lucia Day.

 It's a swedish festival day today and you should have been woken up by me dressed in white with a candle crown on my head singing to you bearing coffee and biscuits... you weren't cos I was grumbling round at home trying to get to school on time... but imagine it :)

xxx Little Santa Lucia My xxx

Tim, Hope you're feeling better now and it wasn't one of those viruses which don't know when they're beaten. My step father was advised to drink Guiness to build his strength up after surgery, unfortunately they didn't tell him what the correct dose was and he often came home with unsteady gait at closing time.

Yes had a similar experience to your red dust buster, despite the fact that she said she needed one!

Cariad, welcome home. Are Kids better off after divorce? I saw it from the other angle, my father disappeared when I was born(Not surprising you might think) and for 12 good years I was brought up by my mother and grandmother; then my stepfather appeared on the scene and things went downhill.

Hils, if you do get a dust buster for Christmas, better check he hasn't hidden shiny things inside it before you whack him with it! You do get nice scented airwicks these days, will that do?

LM tells us she can't sing and then offers to wake us this morning singing and dressed in white with a flaming candle on her head. I think I'll stick to my alarm clock. I know most of us would prefer to stay in bed all day, but waking us up at 8.08pm wwith coffee and breakfast would be a little late. I would have died of starvation waiting.

Scratchem, everyone sings better than Vashti Bunyan! I am certain that LM's music master is a true professional and has chosen Lm for the quality of her voice.

Bigfub, I know LM's booked gluttony so she will need plenty of currant cakes.

I've solved the problem of not being ablew to see what others have posted. I've opened another window in Internet explorer (it should work for other browsers as well) and I have the reply in one and the discussion in the other. I can then read one post at a time to reply.

Saint Odin Lucia xxxx

Ok, so gluttony is booked. Any more for any more? Surprised Wrath hasn't gone yet ;)

Plenty of sins still to come but they may prove more expensive than shiny things in the long run...

Saint big Lucia fub

Stuart, I'll have Sloth. In fact, I already have it, so that'll save you a bit of time.

Tim, there is no 'he' about the house, other than the ShadowCat - and he's had his boybits removed - but I have bought Judy an electric screwdriver as part of her pressie. It was on her wishlist! She also gets a whole stack of books and some beads for her Pandora bracelet, including a genuine one (if it turns up), which makes it okay.

My bro is one of the best pressie buyers in the world in space, so hopelessness at pressie buying is not an exclusively male ... thingie I can't think of the word for. Damn you, Crab!

In conclusion: back pain is a bugger. In the case of King Edward II, I suppose that works both ways.

xx

Well Tim my other half can beat you on the rubbish present buying thing! He once bought me wait for it ............ a large bar of dairy milk chocolate!!!!!!!! how rubbish is that? I don't even like dairy milk I like galaxy!! it was a birthday present which is very soon after Christmas, But that's no excuse. I think I may have thrown it at him. I don't think he will ever live that one down. xx

Oh I will have wrath as already have it  so wont cost anything 

 I would have had gluttony due to my ongoing love of cake but as it's gone Wrath will suit me fine

.Bigfub patron saint of fudge I would love some thank you have you made it yet? mmm fudge almost as good as cake

LM great idea to get out of solo glad you didn't come singing with breakfast with candles on your head but if you do decide to drop by please if you must sing would you do it  through the medium of the sock 

See Tim (Saint Monica)has found a cure for man flu with Guinness you should patent it 

GRRR to back pain hope it soon gets better 

Odin girls very angry at their Dad he didn't support them whilst I was in hospital and then left when I came home and has never made contact with them since.

I had a not very nice Dad but a lovely Step Dad my Mum remarried at the age of 75 and he was 73 she called him her toy boy

they were very happy but only for a short time as he got throat cancer and died within 18 months of them marrying he told her every day how beautiful she was he knew he would die and his only concern was leaving my Mum he was the most selfless person I ever met a lovely man.

My Mum became ill soon after and within 18 months she too died from cancer Mum died 3 days before Christmas my Step Dad 2 weeks before Christmas both left behind some lovely memories.

Not very Warpy sorry must be the time of year 

Big Warm Hugs and a hotty bottle to Hils for her back 

Cruton

xxx

My goodness you lot, how'a working girl meant to keep up?

I'm happy to pass on gluttony if you cake eaters want it... I'd love a bit of slothfulness oh and today I would happily swap for wrath! I would go bonkers and break a few doors in the room, but too tired...  

 Today was shite. I had an argument with nobhead colleague who plotting and scheming with other nobhead and have just written an absolute stinker of an email to them... oooh you would be proud of me if you read it. I have had enough of them. I even played the cancer card in it ha haaaa.

So I am now ducking from the fury that will come my way. Bring it on. I've got a door and my cancer kicking boots on so they'd better watch out! I was so cross I went to the swimming pool and swam for 3/4 of  n hour!!!! Couldn't breathe much by the end but it got the crossness out of me and I guess the exercise did me some good too.... 2 days till the end of term and i can lie in bed and catch up with you lot YAY!

My cunning plan failed and at the practice today they decided it sounded lovely enough without kids so I have to sing all on my own aarrrggghhhh tomorrow and Friday eeeeeek.

Will catch up at the weekend properly cos a bit spoonless just now...

Lots of cwtches and hugs and stor kram and all that jazz

Little My xxx

ps, well there has to be one eh? One of my pupils wrote poo on a piece of paper today and slid it under the prjector so everyone saw it. I had such a go at him about how purile it was and how old was he? etc etc and then I come home and log on to warped and write poo on the reply... ha hahaaaaa Don't tell. xxx

Hi all 

just had to tell you one of my neighbours came by to deliver a Christmas card 

I had sent one to her and her husband and signed it from the girls and me

she came by to offer her condolences as she thought my husband had died as I hadn't put his name on the card it was so hard to keep my face straight and explain we are getting divorced and I never mentioned about me having cancer I think she had enough shocks for one day

When she left my daughter and I couldn't stop laughing about it I wonder how many think the same I await the sympathy cards 

Cruton

xxx

You should've worn black and rubbed your eyes a bit to make them red. There might've been Condolences Cake - a tradition I have just this moment invented, but which I feel should be adopted forthwith.

xx