For those with a warped sense of humour WARNING- no punches pulled here

Just caught up with last page so sorry for anything missed before that.

Self help books. Oh, ''THE Secret." Yes. BUY this book to let me tell you that if you think positive all he time, you will manifest health and money and happiness etc. Just like all the others, it will be of some use to whoever just bought it, but doesn't need to be inflicted upon anyone else ;)

Why can't you make fudge unless you have packed??????

Why have I been SO naughty LM??

Hils - boo hiss to being too tired.

And large freaking hairy ones to having my cancer swapped for a slightly different one without any warning. Pissflapping annoying that is. If they think letting me go in Monday morning instead of Sunday night is going to distract me, they can think again.

xxx

Louise, fancy saying that you would rather listen to Chopin than to me! It may be true but you could have said a little white lie to spare my feelings!(so would I actually).

BTW loved the jokes, but if it was me with that strawberry, I wouldn’t be allowed cream only that low fat yuck. Thanks for the spoons.

Wow, LM! A spoon topping up station, pity about the bal-loons; perhaps they are trying to make a statement or they’ve been put there by that pencil necked wanker you intend to launch into space. It sounds as though he’s the one with the problem, not you. Do tilt the head when you are talking to him! I don’t read newspapers much these days, so your secret is safe with me. Go get him!

Furniture for the office should include a wardrobe; old and large should do the trick. You would have to put some clothes in as a disguise because the real purpose is entry to Narnia, which is quite nice now that my friend Aslam has put the world to rights. Don’t forget security, that bolt on the door that can only be operated from the inside!

A data connection to the internet for research purposes on that very useful site called “warped something”.

Good luck with the Christmas Fair, I hope that your pupils keep you supplied with cakes, oops sorry, I mean coffee.

Why do people keep talking about health clubs! I know we tolerate swearing on this site, but there have to be limits! If you mention heath clubs again LM I shall mention squidgy sultanas.

As for the puzzle about baggy and Sunday Best bum, that is a conundrum.

BTW. Yes it’s time we had a meet, if we can find anywhere daft enough to take us!

Ems, it’s great to see you about, just in time for another session in hospital! That sucks! As does the misdiagnosis; pin them to the wall and don’t let go until they explain what the difference is and why you weren’t given the right treatment up to now.  Then knuckle down and fight old crabby, even if he did try to fool everyone by using a false name. Wow ensuite rooms, that’s better than a shed with a camp bed!

Ems, I am going to talk a little bit, but if you are talking about music, you have to play some, so I plan to play about an hour’s music which leaves only 30 minutes actual talking time in 3 minute bites, and my befuddled brain should be able to cope with that.

Oh scatchem, how lovely that the staff want you back! Anyway, good luck with the retirement plan.  I hope you’ve got enough spoons for retirement because I’m working harder now than before. I knew those gold baubles couldn’t be real gold, because they would be too heavy and all the tree branches would bend down to the ground. How lovely, two lunches, a posh one and  .... er ....  one at the Golden Arch Club. I hope MacDonald’s give gold baubles as presents. (Trust an American spell check to have MacDonald’s in its vocabulary)

Know how you feel Tim, some people on here have verbal diarrhoea. Playing football at your age Tim? Who do you think you are David Beckham?  I love Stratford on Avon, we used to go there often when we lived near. I remember on one occasion carrying my young daughter through the town after we had just bought her a school bell and as we went, so she was ringing it in my ear. Perhaps that’s why I’ve got tinnitus and she is a campanologist.

Valentine’s Ball, I’m no good at dancing because as you know I’ve got three artificial knees and two left feet.

Clarabutt, I’m a great fan of self help books; my dining table doesn’t rock anymore.

Hi Stuart, how is the CAKE baking going, and are you using squidgy sultanas?

LM WHY is Ems so naughty? You are naughty for carrying stuff into your office; I hope you’ve room for the naughty bed in there. What was that picture supposed to be?

 I’m off for some retail therapy in my favourite CD shop in Abergavenny and a nice lunch.

Odin xxxxxxx

Ems, the fudge query sounds like the opening line of a very rude joke that nobody but LM would ever tell.

I don't think you've been naughty. I think you are getting some naughty person's punishment, while they are skipping away scot-free singing LALALALALA. Bastard.

xxx

Hi all, just saying hello, 3 pages to catch up on but I am actually going out, will have to read at a later date. Not sure if bowling is a good idea because it's the bending down and getting up again that floors me.

LM I did notice you say you lost wight rather than gained. I did that too at your stage, actually had to have build up drinks etc. Hmmm, it soon went the other way!

Morning, that's a first, no posts to read, 22 hours with none. I've still not caught up on the last lot.

I've just discovered how to find blogs and have read three latest ones from people here. I was doing so well too and now I'm behind. *Tsk* I have no will power.

Hugs and all those other weird words for hugs. xxxx

tMorning, Lesley. Thanks for posting cos it means I don't have to trawl for ages trying to find it!

Monring, everyone else... :-)

I have fixed the non paragraph thing whooo hooo

Oh I should say, I decided that if Father Christmas was doing presents on whether you had been good or not, I was scuppered and as we all deserve new shiny things for having such a shite year, I thought I would get a pre-christmas pressie from me to me haha so got a new laptop. HAHA!! Shiny things!!!!

The trolly geek in the scary shop wanted to sell me a tablet. Got pelnty of tablets thanks said LM (bbom boom, so lame I know) He was trying to show all the fun things you can do on it.

Its got a candle. Look. Picture of burning candle. It is pressure sensitive- you can blow it out. Puff.

Now I can think of one or two people who may get excited at the thought of having a picture of a candle the flickers on their computer, I was excited by the fact you could blow it out... but them I am not allowed out in public very often.

The laptop is shiny and lovely and makes a nicer bing bong than my last one when an email comes in. I know, I am so easily entertained...

The school fair was fun-ish. I got lots of headtilts. Boo. and I bought a sheepskin for my chair :)

In the summer in Sweden, my aunt gave me one to sit on and it was the most comfy thing- better than cushions etc. So my arse is also happy. Hoorah. (I am not happy with my arse, but I am so magmanimous that I still buy it pressies) I have no idea if I spelt that right or even if it is the right word.. chemo brain is a bastard.

Now, as you know I have a huge family and its hard to keep up with them all and the comings and goings of the My clan... and they all got in touch this weekend... so I thought I would fill you in with them all... here goes....

Max went to a dodgy farm and hated it and managed to leave and go to his friendsand find a new place all by himself. I am proud and reassured that my son can sort himself out of a scrape. :-) He is coming home for Christmas :-) :-) :-)

My brother just sent a photo of Lewis in the snow. He is there filming a Christmas show. Looked amazing.

My aunt just sent me an email saying Sweden is cold and dark and we have had enough so hopping on a flight to Nice today!!!!! (alright for some!)

I have now forgotten everything that everyone said. But a big hug and cwtches to you all and an extra one for Tim...

Little My xxx

In case you miss my status update...

odin was a bit worried about nannyb cos she hasn't been on here for a week or so, so I used my secret spy network  and asked her how she was...

She says she is fine and not to worry about her and send lots of love to all you lovely lot...

I say she is doing too too much for that big mad family of hers looking after all of them and their problems and woes etc. and that is why she doesn't have time to get on here and she should take a bit of time out, but what mumsy listens to advice from their daughter eh?

So, shaz, mumsy, nannyb, you get all the hugs from me and make sure you take a bit of time out...

Little My xxx

Hi All!

Thanks LM for letting us know about nannyb, and for the others lots of hugs and hope they're OK.

I've got the Xmas tree up now (one in a bucket from ASDA, sounds crap but actually it is alright!) and a few other things, well W did that, I humped the tree about!

Daughter came back from Guide weekend, was it good how was it then.... boring. Usual teenage response I guess? She's a proper live wire my youngest and if she's not busy doing what she likes she gets bored.

I came 4th fishing today, which was a bit of a pisser because they paid the top 3. lol! I also managed to break a piece of equipment at the end, and everything got drenched, but I never swore and loved being in the outdoors.

Hope you're all OK by the way!

Sober now and off to bed, think I might sleep well tonight.

Tight Lines

Tim xxx

Hello everyone ((((XX))))

Phew........good job I got up early this morning, 2hrs later and I cant remember half what I have read ha ha.

Scans for some of you...1 result in and 2 pending I think, good luck x

Winnings at fishing, must be my nephew....well done x

A new girl? Hi clairebear/bee/bel........ha I dont have chemo brain, just no brain :) x

Ems.....back in hospital..WHAT!!!!!!!!!!....will read your blogs soon but hope all goes well love ((((((ems))))))) x

Hubby.....thanks for noticing i was awol, but all is well in our house at the moment, just extended family in demand......might shut the door and turn off the lights ha ha.....and you know I wouldnt :) x

Hils....how are your spoons doing? x

LM........tut tut,  being constipated that prevents sausages popping out is no excuse for carrying boxes even if you do have a camp bed. Remember.... be nice to the thick shit, wanker, toss pot whining wimp of a male colleague....dont lower yourself to his standards. He knows your superiority and only feels threatened by you :) Do you think today could be the day when baggy erupts!!!! would be nice to share your pain with him.......xxxx

Sorry if I have missed anyone but I do like cake :)

Hugs and lots of love to you loons, my mates (((((((((((((((((family))))))))))))))))

Welcome back wifey,

Just sending hugs, cwtches and spoons for now as I'm supposed to be writing my talk.

Hubby xxxxxxxxxxxxxx