What supportive moments mattered to you?

My partner John was brilliant and visited my late mum in a care home as I was too weak pre and post op.I only found  out recently that he went regularly.He also took her to hospital appointments.I appreciated an ex boyfriend texting and phoning and his father writing to me.They were both very supportive especially during the pandemic.Another friend couldn’t cope emotionally with how ill I looked but helped me out financially.I never intended to tell my few friends I had cancer but my sister thought they would want to know.Jane x

Hi Jane,

Thank you for sharing.  I am sure those visiting this conversation will relate to some of your experience.

It sounds like your partner was really mindful of the physical and mental load you were carrying during your treatment. I am sure knowing someone was able to help your loved ones when you needed to focus on yourself was a relief.

Did your sister tell your friends as a way of getting them to support you? Sometimes people want the opportunity to help if they know how to best support you, but these conversations are not easy to have. This is why we are starting a conversation on the Community about this to hopefully help people find ways of communicating with their loved ones about what they need. 

I am glad you had some friends who have been supportive in different ways. I hope they are still being supportive now, and that you also find comfort from your online friends in the Online Community.

Hi Megan,I was supported by my sister and my partner John.I never learnt to drive so they felt useful by taking me to appointments.
I think my sister felt that some of my friends should know because she had been there when the surgeon told us what a serious situation I was in.I have few friends and most live many miles away.I contacted a couple by post and they have kept in contact.
My sister’s contact has tailed off since our mum died 4 years ago but John has always been a rock and we support each other.I joined the Macmillan community on diagnosis in July 2019 and am grateful for the support I’ve had especially since mum’s death.I had been mum’s sole full time carer before I got cancer.Jane x

Hi Jane,

Thank you for replying. Hopefully others will feel encouraged to share their favourite ways loved ones supported them after reading your posts.

Offering to help with transport to appointments and being there at the appointment is a good practical way to show support. I am glad John and your sister could do that for you.

I’m sorry to hear that contact with your sister has drifted since your mum's passing. I think this can be quite common after the loss of a loved one. John sounds like a wonderful partner. 

You have experienced both sides of offering support and also needing support. I hope you’ll continue to feel supported from the Online Community.

I have had a lot of people around me while going through treatment, which i was very grateful for, but i found it so reassuring to talk to patients that were going through the same treatment as myself.

They fully understood how i was feeling, and likewise i them.  We shared lots of thoughts and feelings. I found it refreshing and real.

It was so helpful to share and talk truthfully  about our concerns, views, opinions without someone telling you ......you can do this.....you will it over this.... anyone going through this will feel the same.

I sometimes wish i had kept in contact with them, as i do think about them from time to time and wonder how they got on.

A missed opportunity on my part.

Ella x

I found the best thing when my husband had liver cancer was for people to ring first rather than just turn up and depending on his health, mentally and physically, that day it left it down to him if he felt like seeing anyone, this also applied to family for as much as we love them putting on a face for their benefit, which he did, was exhausting. A good friend understands this. I think the best offer was "I'm not going to bother you but always remember if you need me I'll be there in a shot"  I think this leaves the patient feeling they are in control of at least something.

Hi was diagnosed  with tnc in January 26. When I cane out of the room afer just heard my diagnosis  my grown up children where waiting in the corridor  the emotion I felt was overwhelming.    Its been a tough journey i have finished treatment  but without hy children's love and my awesome  husband who went above and beyond  looking after me  I wlouldn't  have got through it.  My son said. Te when my hair fell out. Mom I would  rather have a bald mom then not have a mom little things  meanthe most  

Hi Ella, 

Thank you for sharing. We see every day how helpful it can be for members of our Community to connect with others who are going through something similar. There is power in peer support, and I hope you will continue to find that here in our forums. 

Hi Susie1234, 

That is a really useful tip. Thank you for sharing.  Sometimes just knowing people want to support you provides reassurance that they care. How did you and also your husband feel about asking for help from your friends when you needed it?