Cancer Widow/Widower Club

Hi - my apologies if this has been covered already, but, for those who want to join a pre-existing widows/widowers support/social organisation, I know that Merry Widows has been mentioned earlier (I'm still not entirely comfortable with the title, but I appreciate that it is a lighthearted name deliberately), but has either WAY and WAY-UP been mentioned?

WAY is Widowed and Young, for those under-50, and Way-UP is the same but covering those over 50.

Way-UP, I know, is very active in terms of forum/email groups and social activities.

Such groups are not for everyone, and I would think that even if you do like the idea of them, you have to be 'ready' for them.

I know that Way-Up does have 'newcomers to widowhood', but is probably more oriented for those ready to socialise etc. You do get a very kind, compassionate welcome though, that is for certain.

But this group, here on Macmillan, where so many of us made our very first contact with other cancer patients and carers, when the dread news was broken to us that we had become members of the Cancer Club, like it or not..., is a very, very good idea, and is definitely needed.

Kind regards to us all here - Julie.

Sorry - forgot to say that both Way and Way-Up are for those widowed by any circumstances, not just cancer, though of couse, cancer widows/widowers are all too well represented.

Julie

I post here and I am also a member of WayUp.  Because you 'belong' to one group does not stop you belonging to other groups.  The MAC site is great, but so is the WayUp and probably the Way.

You get support from all of them in different ways.

I am 63 and can converse with younger and older members equally, Being bereaved brings us all together equally  in this club none of us want to be in.  Being over 50 does not mean that you 'talk about different things'.  All groups are there to give as much support as you need.

I spent a great weekend in Liverpool last week with a great group of MACs of all ages and we all supported each other.

So to sum up, as long as you post somewhere and it is helping you get through then no sites can be bad

Hope you all have as good a day as you can

Pammie xx

Hi all

I've been feeling really sad lately.  Muz has been gone 6 months and it's gone really quick and it feels like it was yesterday that I was living through the nightmare of the chemo and then him not being able to walk, then bed bound.  My mind keeps thinking how, how can this happen, they can put a man on the moon but they can't cure cancer.  My Muz was so intelligent, funny, handsome and just an all round brilliant guy and this bloody horrible thing has taken him away.  So sitting in bed in the middle of the night in the dark crying my eyes out.  I feel so worried about life.  What if I never love again, what if I die all this awful things go through my mind. 

I find some days I'm so strong and full of life and my friends keep me going, but other days I feel so insecure and unsure of the decisions I make it worries me.

I know I'll be alright, well I have not choice I have to be alright but sometimes the down days seem to last a lot longer than others.

Ash :(

Oh Ash, you are only feeling what we all feel.  It seems so unfair and sometimes it seems so unreal.  This cursed disease is such a horrible thing and it not only takes away our loved ones but leaves us so bereft.  It is that dammed roller coaster ride.  One day not so bad then the next back in the doldrums.  The only thing I can say to you is do what I do.  When I have days when I am scared of the future and so insecure go back to stage one.  Remember what we were told.  Take each day as it comes, don't look too far into the future.  And if you can't do days then take each hour as it comes.  Then it does pass and you do come through.  I believe that after what we have gone through we will eventually come out stronger.

We did not want this new life, but we cannot change it.  We cannot have the old life that we loved, so this is it girl.  Have a few tears, feel sorry for yourself, even shout and screem if that helps, and then get back on board.  I think these days when we do feel like this is our bodies telling us that we need to grieve.  We need to shed tears.  It all relieves the tension that builds up.

So I am sending you lots of cyber (((((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))))))) down the line.

Take care

Pammie xx

All this is so familiar to me.  My Ken died 6 months ago today exactly.  6 months that have been so terrible that I feel almost battered and bruised by all the feelings I have been through.  Now seems the stage of  tears for me.  More tears every day.  I miss Ken so much I want to cry out and scream for him to come back.  BUTOF COURSE I KNOW HE WILL NEVER COME BACK.  Will this longing to see him again, to hold his hand, have a hug and a kiss and words of love from him EVER go away.  Valentines day on Monday, I have bought a card for Ken and I will put in on the Mantlepiece, but where will the one from him be?  I will take flowers to the crematorium and put a bunch the same in the house.  Ken always bought me flowers and always a card.  Next will be Easter and then my birthday and then the big one.  One year, but I know it will all start over again and I will still be missing him in the same way and as much probably more.  I do have to get it into my head though, life goes on I do try but it is so so hard.  As said by one of you earlier we did not want this life we have been thrown into, we want our old safe happy contented life.  We can't have it back so we have to go on.  I would so love to sit in our living room again and feel relaxed and settled and contented and happy as we used to be together,   Early this morning I really feel I heard Ken call my name, just fleetingly and then I was awake, if only I could have reached out to find him lying next to me.  How can he not be there after all the years he was!  I forgot Mothers day, we had no children but Ken always bought me a card and a little gift from our cats, we were mad about our cats. I still am, Ken loved them so.  I am rambling now but I hate my life now, I hate every morning, day and night, it is just a battle to get through morning till night.  One hour, one day at a time.

steve will have passed 10wks on monday(14/2/10 it has been a rollercoaster so far. some days i'm ok other i just have the short panic moments where i think 'oh my god'  he is not here , never comming back, i can't hear or see him anymore. these are horrible thoughts i sometimes put my ipod on to listen to the songs with both liked and bawl my eyes out. it's scary knowing you have to move on without your loved one, trying to adjust to a new way of living and making the most of it, doing everyday things working, looking after kids, shopping, sometimes you just want the world to stop and think about all these people who are struggling to get through it all.  the disease robbed us all of the one thing that is soo precious to us all, our soulmatelover best friend,

After eight weeks, I feel just the same. 

 Every time I take on something Gary would have done, I feel a mixture of pride and sorrow.  Silly things like yesterday when I arranged for the annual boiler service.  Thing i never had to even think about.  I just took it for granted Gary would sort out all the tchnical stuff. 

Next big thing is to renew the household insurance.

As you say, we have to move on, and I guess we both know it's what they would have wanted,  but it's so so hard.

Have the best day you all can

Daffie xxx

Past the weeks stage already , well its 31/2 months but certainly have lost track of the number of days .Not a whole lot easier yet though, but  definitely easier some of the time so thinking positive .  House is still as emtpy and no one to talk to .