Cancer Widow/Widower Club

It's my 8th memorial in a few days and gets no easier....

I have waves of utter sadness and desperate feelings of grief and loss

I'm lonely sometime but put on a very convincing front

I just needed to write something tonight to get it out, allow myself to outpour and indulge

Now I'm sat and looking at what I've written... I don't know if I'm articulate enough to express the depths of feelings I have

Maybe tomorrow 

Val x

I know exactly what you are feeling because I lost my life partner 3 months ago to cancer.  I have no childre. He was my best friend and soulmate and it is still very hard for me. Try to get through each day as best as you can. I guess Christmas will be difficult for me because it is my first Christmas on my own.

Hello, 

I became a member of this sad club on 25 October last year when my amazing husband breathed his last.  I have been reading all the posts, which have been so helpful to me but am sad that there are no more posts since 2011.  I wonder how Ash, Bill, Pammie,  Trevz and the others are getting on 4/5 years down the line?  

Gillymary,  I hope Christmas went as well as it could. Mine was pleasant with family around during the day but I cried all evening.   

I also hope some other people facing this awful new life will post and a new sharing thing will take place.

Carolyn 

Unknown said:

Hello, 

I became a member of this sad club on 25 October last year when my amazing husband breathed his last.  I have been reading all the posts, which have been so helpful to me but am sad that there are no more posts since 2011.  I wonder how Ash, Bill, Pammie,  Trevz and the others are getting on 4/5 years down the line?  

Gillymary,  I hope Christmas went as well as it could. Mine was pleasant with family around during the day but I cried all evening.   

I also hope some other people facing this awful new life will post and a new sharing thing will take place.

Carolyn 

Lost the love of my life 5 months ago. Still cannot believe he is gone. I miss him every day. Don't know what to do with the rest of my life. So lonely being on my own in the house at night.

Unknown said:

Lost the love of my life 5 months ago. Still cannot believe he is gone. I miss him every day. Don't know what to do with the rest of my life. So lonely being on my own in the house at night.

Unknown said:

Lost the love of my life 5 months ago. Still cannot believe he is gone. I miss him every day. Don't know what to do with the rest of my life. So lonely being on my own in the house at night.

pennineroamer, I know how you feel. I nursed my husband for seven years, so it is difficult to know what to do with the rest of my life, cos he was my life. Still miss him so much. He was my rock and the one I always went to for advice as he was very practical. Don't know the answer as to how to restart our lives but we must. It is what  our husbands would want. Mine told a friend to look after me as he didn't want me to be lonely or depressed. She told me after the funeral. It is even earlier days for you and you will get the odd good day amongst the tearful ones.  Don't rush yourself as it takes time to grieve, which I am still doing.

Hello,  mazza01 and pennineroamer,  our situation seems impossible to comprehend, doesn't it?   I nursed Andrew for two years then he went to the local hospice (rather reluctantly!) and found himself in the most caring and safe place he could be.  He stopped fighting the inevitable and gave himself up peacefully but quicker than I expected. It's seven months now and still very raw, even though the world thinks I'm coping well.  As with you, the evenings are so lonely and I  hate going to bed and seeing the empty bed beside me.   I still replay his last moments in my head like a bad dream every night. 

I do find myself having good days, especially when I'm busy, and try to get out and about as much as possible.  All I can advise you is not to try to be too brave. Allow yourself to grieve whenever and wherever you want. Let the tears flow and the thoughts go through your head. It's catharsis and will prevent you bottling things up and finding them so much harder to face later. We didn't ask for this life but we have to live it because we are now our husbands' voices and the preservers of their memories.  

Bad day. Bank holiday and we always socialized. Now it is just me on my own for the whole weekend. My GP advised not to make any changes for a year, not even volunteering. However, I googled to see if my area had any foodbanks. Was shocke and surprised that there are four. I clicked on volunteering only to find that they have enough staff. Cannot understand that as I would happily have volunteered - to help and to give me a purpose. Just need to find another niche. I took early retirement at 55 to look after my husband and spent the last 7.5 years at home with him, so don't know what to do next.