Cancer Widow/Widower Club

Hello everyone Haven't been on here for a while had so much to deal and do. My daughter has her SATS and my little mother died in April she was 80yrs old she was amazing mother and I hope that one day I'll be as good as mother as she was. I had a bit of a shock the other day I found some video clips that you make on your phone on a computer and they were years old and as I played one it had my husband dancing with my daughter singing to the camera to me saying "I've just called to say I love you". I was so emotional because it reminded me of a time when we were one and happy. I've been invited out for drinks and things and it's weird as I never know what to say or do and to be totally honest I don't enjoy going out anymore, not unless its something thats useful Anyway I hope your all ok, this time of the year is hard for me as my hubby died in July and I can't believe it's nearly a year ago. Ash

hi ash,

i also havent been on this sight for a while, my husband died  a year ago july thinks dont get much easier just different. i have resigned myself that the love of my life has gone and life will never be the same. iam trying to get on with my life as best i can but it doesnt mean that much anymore.

iam terribley sorry about your mum,i lost my mum 3yrs sept, you dont think that will ever happen do you.

i wish you well take care

christinexxxxxxxx

It's a few weeks since I posted here.  I lost the love of my life Pam almost 3 months ago now and early last week it was her birthday .... the first one I've not been able to celebrate with her in person.  The build up to her birthday was dreadful but despite the actual day being very sad and my sense of loss being very intense at times, I found that on the whole it was a good day.  On a previous post I explained how special bluebells are to us both ..... that they were always in full bloom on her birthday and that I was planning to spend the whole day with my camera equipment in bluebell woods.  Well that's exactly what I did, the weather was great ... I was just me, my camera, the bluebells, my thoughts .... and of course Pam was also with me all the way.   It was such a peaceful day, I saw hardly a single other person the whole time I was out, which was exactly what I wanted .... just to be alone in lovely places to reflect and to be "with my beautiful wife"  I took hundreds of photos, about 35 of which I'm really pleased with and I'll shortly decide which one to have blown up on to a canvas as a permanent tribute to her 58th birthday.

Almost 3 months on it still doesn't get much easier,  it's still so very painful and all I want in life is to have her back .... absolutely everything else seems just so trivial and unimportant.  I do know that's not going to happen and that I need to adapt to this very lonesome new life that has been thrust upon me.  

Next week I should finally take delivery of one of the last things we chose together at the end of last year  .... a new car.  I have no real interest in it any more if I'm honest, but because Pam had the final word on the actual model, colour and interior, I'm hoping that when I'm driving it I'll feel her with me.

Take care ..... Trev

Hello Trevs,

I understand your post, and had the same feelings around three months. Its now eight months on and I still want him back, but like yourself I know deep down that will never be the case.

And we just keep going I guess, adapting as you say there`s no other option really.

But I`m sure you will feel Pam with you when you get your new car.

Take Care

K

Thanks Kay,  I suppose we all have to go through these stages and deal with them in our own way the best we can .... I think it's what the professionals call 'coping strategies'.  From what I've been told by others, even 8 months down the road as you are, is still to be considered as 'early days yet' for those of us who've lost a dear husband/wife ..... so I'm sure things are still very difficult for you too,  but as we agree, we have no choice in the matter, the decision was taken for us so we just have to take deep breaths and deal with it.

I've pretty much decided which bluebell picture to have blown up on a canvas and for anyone who'd like to see it I've posted it at full resolution on my home page along with a bit of script as to why that particular picture has become my favourite.

Take care Trev

Just had a look at your photo Trevs, the vivid colours are beautiful lovely photo and a fitting tribute to Pam`s 58th birthday....Well done you.

Take Care,

Kay

Thanks for your kind words Kay regarding the photo,  I'm so glad I decided to take this one, as initially I only intended to photograph large groups of bluebell carpets beneath the trees.  The hospice where Pam passed away coincidentally have a bluebell themed complementary therapy room and they've asked for a copy of this picture to hang on the wall .... so I'll do them a canvas. It'll be nice to know they have one hanging there also, they were so good to both of us in her final weeks.

Take Care .... Trev

Dear All,

 

Wanted to let you know that the Bereaved Partners Support Group will be holding its next session on Monday 16^th May. The Bereaved Partners Support Group (BPSG) is a support group for people who have lost their partners to cancer. The aim of the group is to create a regular space for people to share stories and experiences with others who have experienced a similar kind of loss. It will be held at the Vale Community Centre in northwest London from 6:30pm – 8:30pm.

 

We aim to show people they are not alone in their grief and to support them through their loss. This month we will have the chance to share experiences over refreshments, and as requested will also be discussing practical tips and advice to help people during their difficult journey with grief. A constant element of the group is space – the space is there for you to talk, listen, or simply to be. If you are bereaved please do feel free to come along. We are here to support you. And please do spread the word to anybody you think may benefit from the group.

  

Please see our website for details:

www.bereavedpartnerssupportgroup.com

 

Best wishes,

 

Erin Thompson

erin.thompson@bereavedpartnerssupportgroup.com

07761-466-713

Hi

Well it is 2 months ago today that I lost my darling Tom and things have not got any easier I still cannot believe he has gone and will not be coming back I miss his voice, his touch and just being able to talk to him and all of his things are still as they were the day he died, I am in no hurry to move any of his things and feel comfort in seeing them everywhere I look in the house. In the 21 years we were together I never spent more than 4 days without seeing him so this last 2 months has felt like a lifetime I know I am going to have to get used to being wihout him but it is so very very hard.

Best wishes to everyone.xx

Oh Marianne I know those feelings so well ((((((Big Hug)))))

Take Care

Kay