Cancer Widow/Widower Club

Hello Everybody!
Hello Thewife,
I apologise for my English, it is not my native language, but I try..., my husband is englishman, and He NOT was..., He always with me.
"I will never leave you silly girl, I will be always with you".... It were His words some days before death.
After two weeks as my Husband has left this world, I saw a miracle, it was so amazing!. Already almost 4 months as He in other world, but I really feel He with me, He has given me such great real proof - death it is  not end and He waits for me, He loves me. It helps me go on, I know we will meet again. I talk and I smile to my husband, I tell" good morning" and "good night". When I cry, I feel He cries with me.
This world has lost meaning for me, I do not watch the programmes we liked on TV, I do not listen music, BUT we have come to this world for some reason and should go through..... to meet each other again. True love never dies. Maybe it is a reason why we should be separately now ?
Thewife - Kay! Take my hug, please, I know that are you  writing about, i too live with it every day, every moment, all what i have  is  my Belief, Hope and Love.
Please look these references on www.youtube.com if not my words, so maybe it can help you? - I always will be here for you if you need my help. Elen

Lisa Williams - Joanna's Reading
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PK9gSqMhF8Y&feature=related

Lisa Williams - Jodi's Reading
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v7MJn4d_QjE&NR=1

Colin Fry - Angel in the Window
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XrSOIgXGQc4&feature=related

Psychic Medium Tony Stockwell Reading 3
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cfd5gtb7QpE&feature=related

Unsolved Mysteries - After Death Visits - 1 of 2
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Sbg_57um0w&feature=related
Unsolved Mysteries - After Death Visits - 2 of 2
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HcUK9h6K-1E

Hi Ash

Been reading posts on this thread, as I too am part of the widows club.  Lost my darling hubby in September and I am 7 weeks down the line.  If it was not for this site I would have gone under long ago.  You interact with people who have walked in your shoes and realy KNOW how you feel.  No-one who has not gone through this terrible time can know that.  After all the years you spent with your partner how can you ever 'get back to normal'.  All we can hope for is another kind of normal, another kind of life.  It is not the life we had, that has been cruelly taken away, but I believe, after reading posts from some wonderfull people on this site, that we will eventually make another kind of life for ourselves.  We have to.  Our partners did not have the choice in dying , they wanted to live.  So we have to live our lives for them.  It would be an insult to their memory to give up.  I know it is hard, I cannot count the days I have cried, the nights I have cried, even sometimes when I feel OK I can just burst into tears.  I hate this, I want to be ME again.  But I believe that one day I will get through this and come out at the other end.  Not today, not any time in the near future, but one day.  So Ash, as I have been told many times, cry when you need to, do anything you need to to get through, and one day we will be strong enough to survive.

Lots of (((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))) to you

Pam xx

Hello everyone

I haven't been on here for a long time.  The first time I wrote on this blog was two weeks in to the death of my husband. 

I can honestly say that it does get easier, life is hard and it's difficult not to have someone to bouncy your ideas off and help you but it's true that the people around you make your stronger.

I do think about my husband everyday and reading your messages make me tearful and brought back memories of how I felt when I first starting writing on this website.  But I do bring hope that this pain does subside and all the things that hurt, don't hurt as much and memories, well memories are funny things because I remember some things and no others and they seem to be fading too.  But what I do find still is that I can't listen to certain songs without crying and I do get wobbly when I talk about things that make me think to hard about my husband. 

I keep the videos and pictures for me and my daughter and my husband mobile phone which has his voice on it has now become my daughters phone, so on occasion I get shock when I see his name or hear his voice which in fact is my daughter leaving a message, but its lovely to hear.

So as hard as everything still feels, it does ease, you don't forget you just carry on because you don't know no better.  Its ok to feel angry, crappy, sad, emotional, dopey, soft and even hard because this is part of the process.  I think we were all lucky to be with wonderful people, being love and being loved in return and I refuse to believe that this is the end for any of us.

So happy new year and I hope it's better than the last, because last year for me was probably the worst I've every had.  things I hope can get better with a bit of strengh and goal setting.

Love ya all

Ash :)

Hi - can someone tell me which bit of the Mac site this is listed under? I only just came across it today, under 'Forums' which seems to be a general assortment of latest posts, but doesn't tell you where each thread 'lives'.

Like you, I am a cancer widow. All these forums are a lifeline....

Kind regards, Julie.

Julie, if you find it again under forum, just press the email when someone answers button and you can keep it in your emails.

Ash, it is good to hear what you say.  I lost Martin in September and a day does not go by when I feel as if I have this bad knot in my stomach.  It is listening to people like you that gives me the hope to go on.  I am waiting for the day when I can think of him with a smile rather than with a tear.  Good days, bad days, never know what will come next, but just hope the good days will outweigh one day. 

So please keep posting Ash, you are helping others and in turn I hope that it helps you too.

Love and ((((((hugs)))))) to you

Pam xx

Hi ...I've just found this thread too.  Its hard to imagine that one day the smiles will be greater than the tears.  I think in another 10 years I'll be equally as sad knowing that he hasn't been living the good life as he should for those 10 years and the thought that he won't be there for all of my life now kills me.  I'm glad I came onto this site though as you can't always spill your feelings out to friends everyday and at least writing your feeling down is a tiny bit of therapy. 

Love Janet x

Hello again.

A friend of my lost her husband to cancer 5 years ago and she said it does get easier and she was so right, you don't forget things you just get used to the idea that your loved ones not there anymore.  I have a little girl and it's so important to me that she remembers her dad, so I created a memorial wall in my house with pictures of him and the way he was, what I've found is when his friends come round it becomes a talking point and all those brilliant memories about the photos bring him back to life.  I don't believe that my husband has gone, I believe his with me always being my Conscience making me think about all decisions I make and one day we will be together again.

I think what worries me is what worries most people, I haven't been single for 17yrs but there is always a first for everything and I'm a strong person, I think how my husband would have reacted in this situation.  In fact just before he died I went over to him crying my eyes out saying "How am I going to bring up Molli and do all this with out you", his reply was "Ash, your blooming adult".  That said it all for me, I am the adult and I'm the only one she can rely on.  So onward and upward.  I only have one life and I want to live it the way my wonderful, beautiful husband wanted me too.

Ash xx

Oh on another note, thank you for joining this Widdow's Club I wanted it to be a place where people can left of steam, know how other people have coped over the past weeks, months and years so that it brings comfort to people who are at the beginning of their own journeys.

Ash xx :)

Hi all,

Had a good weekend.  A dear friend came up and stayed and we had a good time.  she came on her own so we could have a girlie weekend and that was good.  The downside was, I kept remembering times when they both came up and the four of us had such a great time.  That ain't gonna happen again.  So many memories to be sad over.   I will be nice to reach a time when the memories will not be so sad.  But I do not want the time to come when Martin is only just a memory.  do you know what I mean.

Anyway, now my friend has gone and i am back to being on my own I am going round to see a friend who has walked in my shoes.  I think she will lift my spirits.

I do find it is tireing having to build myself up each day so I don't end up in that dark place.  I think today is going to be a sad day.

xx

Three times today I have had to tell someone that Gary died just before Christmas. 

Each time it gets harder not to break down.  The next question is always where/how did he die.  They look at me in horror when i tell them that he went peacefully, just fell asleep in his chair and never woke up.

Then the memories of that dreadful night come flooding back., reminding me that  am facing the future without him.  Time heals they say, but eternity will not be long enough heal my grief.