Cancer Widow/Widower Club

Hi Ash I have felt those feelings, they get easier but never leave you. After 5 years I still cry alot when I am alone.

I find that my loss is history now to many people. More or less after the funeral I was left to pick up the pieces on my own. I didn't have the phone calls to see if I was ok. People never asked me how I was feeling.

As the eldest I have always been the strong one in the family of 5 siblings and have always been the organiser of family do's etc. So apart from my youngest brother they just left me to get on with it.

I couldn't go back to work for a year. I was a psychiatric nurse and found it terribly hard to take care of people with problems. So after a year of constantly on the sick I was given the opportunity to retire through ill health. ( I now find I have too much time on my hands.)

I was all alone then and my only friends were on the mac site.

I have since tried to rebuild myself a life as a single person and I hate every minute of it.

 I do have a male companion..

I still feel married to my beloved and feel that I always will. I loved being married to him we were extactically happy.

We had 4 years to prepare for his death. 4 bittersweet years. They weren't easy but we talked alot. His wish was that I should not be alone, that I was young enough at 52 to meet someone else and to marry again.

Easier said than done when you still love the man you lost.

I hope you can rebuild your life Ash, it is very early days for you. Take things slowly.

Things will fall into place eventually.

My love to you and your daughter.

 Julie X

Hi

You might be interested in googling for the Merry Widows website. It has an active discussion board and always someone who understands how shit all this is.

Paws x

Hi -- I'm 6 months down this rollercoaster journey + finding it so hard. At 1st I had lots of phone calls + visits which have gradually fizzled out. I hate going out as hubby + I were retired.We 'd been together for 42 years + did everything together. My friend has found a widows club in her area but there seems to be nothing like that here -- I have applied for voluntary work to be doing something to fill the days -- love to all in my situation xx Lynda

Hello unfortunately I am also a member of this club.  I just want to say Im sending you hugs and am thinking of you.  I have found this site so beneficial as it is only on here that I feel people really understand how terrible it is we feel.  When I meet people and they ask how I am I have to say okay but inside I feel like a jibbering jelly and I really want to say I hate it, I cant stand it, I just want my lovely husband back.  Take care all.

Hi Lynda

What we have to remember is that even though we loved the people that we have lost, we didn't loose ourselves and the young women what you was when your husband met you is still there and thats what he fell in love with.  Mary Curie hospice always looks for voluntary workers and there will be people just like us there going through all the emotions that we have been though and your experience would be a bonus.

Keep strong and young at heart.

Ash xx

Hello,  My name is Elen. I have read your words and this what I  think and  feel after death of my husband. I know it silly, but I wait for him every day, I believe he hears me. I absolutely lonely now, a life have lost any meaning.

My name is Elen. I have read your words and this what I  think and  feel after death of my husband. I know it silly, but I wait for him every day, I believe he hears me. I absolutely lonely now, a life have lost any meaning.

Hello again

I feel I have ups and downs.  One week I'm as strong as an ox and nothing can get me down, a week later and I cry over the most silliest things, like thinking of my husband doing silly dances and talking funny just to make me laugh.  But I do think this is part of the griefing process, I won't believe this is the end of my life, my husband told me to live my life and he'll help me find someone to love me.  But I'm happy, I have a great family on both sides, his brothers have become my brothers and they have been fantastic making sure I'm still part of it but I suppose I am after all these years.

So I do miss and feel sad that his gone but as times going on I'm getting used to the idea.  I know we'll see each other one day and when I do I'll try and run in to his arms but hopefully I'll be the old lady and he'll be my young man. x

I love you Muz and always will you stole my heart so many times and made my life so special and worth living, giving me the most beautifulist, kind natured little girl any mother would be so proud to have.  Thank you xx

I too am a member of this club, since September this year.

Emptiness I feel exactly as you do. I don't see the point at all, cant even listen to music, the programmes we liked on TV. My god cant even do the shopping!!!!!!!!!

Kay

hello

Sadly I too belong to this club. All the feelings you have I have and still do share. My husband lost his battle in July.

The feelings of emptiness continue but there are changes in how I cope, the intensity of the emotions. Unfortunately what there cannot prepare you for is that things actually get worse before they start to change in the more possitive direction, when and for how long I am sure is individual but I think it happens to all.

Kay I have come across your posts before and I am sorry that you are so low. I can't seem to shop for anything but food, don't like the idea of owning things that Mark would never have seen. I know nessesity will change that in time but I don't need anything for now.

There are no rights or wrongs for us, no time scale by which you should have 'got over it' which people don't understand. yes I think the best support is feom people who know, there are actually several forums on here that have groups of cancer widows and widowers at several different stages on the roller coaster, look around, and keep posting.

T