Awake and up all night

I wish I could send Pippin you to give you a big hug. He'd probably want some food though. He:s a greedy boy. All my love and support to you and chat on here if you need. As you have seen I strugglewith it all too. It's okay to cry.️

I have got plenty of cat biscuits. I keep them for fluffy and daisy 2 cats that visit me..

You're being too hard on yourself! Stop! You got there my love and kept your head in what can only be described as a very stressful situation. Your OH would be cross as she's just flipping cross about the whole situation and scared.

Others in your situation would have been crying by the side of the road! I probably would have bashed my car because I wouldn't have been able to see through the tears! Or got pulled over for erratic driving, or even had a massive fit of road rage, only to discover it's the parent of a child I teach at school (I speak from experience with the latter!!)

If you didn't manage that Guinness, you make sure you do tomorrow...and please have one for me!! I hope you are now both settled in the land of nod and catching up with some well deserved sleep. Sleep tight xxx

Remember, it's ok not to be ok xxx

I think you just need to be how you need to be, today, at this moment. 

You’ve had a stressful day, it was upsetting, and you need a bit of time to get through that and calm your mind and body. Each day is a fresh start and another chance…so try not to dwell on what’s gone before. 

We are often living in high states of tension and anxiety for various reasons, but you’ll get past that. Lean on everyone here-we all need that at times, and for those difficult times there are other shoulders to cry on which are stronger on that particular day. They will need you on another day…that’s how it works! A circle of support.

Sarah xx

Julie, I could hug the bejesus out of you. ️

Totally get that and I'm glad my other half has someone she can let it all out with. You're right stressed, scared and feeling like she's got no control.

Bless you ukiboy. Look after each other.

Exactly...not feeling in control xxx

Being scared and feeling like you have no control is natural, particularly in the earlier stages of cancer and its treatment. I was the same. I hope the hospital will quickly earn your trust. It is a huge weight off your shoulders when that occurs. I always keep an eye on proceedings because medical staff are under pressure and they are also human but my lot have been superb. Sometimes they do hand a bit of control back to me - e.g. I can choose which arm when they want to empty it. Almost everything else that they do requires skills and training that I do not have. It has only taken me 8 years to reach this state of philosophical calmness....but it's fragile .