Awake and up all night

Hello again Lillie, I agree with everything Eddie has said and I am shocked the Pilgrim Lady said that to you over the phone as it helps no one. Has she even seen him recently?

I do hope you have a Power of Attorney in place. Not only is it important for you and your mum, it makes sure your dad’s wishes are known and understood. I too have my reSPECT and DNR things in place. I too said I would like to end my days in our local hospice because I think it takes the burden off the family. I had the Last Rights many years ago and my family were at my bedside. Yet here I still am. 
Please give yourself a break by stopping feeling guilty. We can tell by the words you say that you are a loving caring daughter and I am sure both your mum and dad know that too and are very proud of you. Please hang on in there! Take care

Good afternoon to all you wonderfully caring folks.  The last several posts cast my mind back to when my parents left this mortal coil for a better place.

My lovely dad was in hospital and clearly wasn't long for this world.  One Saturday afternoon, quite a few of us were round his bed - he was still compos mentis and we laughed along with his anecdotes (dad via his writing board as he was stone deaf) as he had always had a fine SOH.  I didn't want to leave that afternoon, knowing I wouldn't speak to him again, but was advised to go home as it was a fair distance away.  The call I'd been expecting came several hours later.  The taxi I'd called didn't make it in time and mum and me missed his passing by minutes.  He wasn't alone though, as other family was with him.  I kissed my dad and held his hand - he was at peace, aged 94.

Almost five years to that day, my lovely mum's time came.  Aged 86, she fought breast cancer and despite a mastectomy, lived well for eight more years. What finally got her was a massive stroke.  Hospitalised for her final month, it was devastating seeing what the stroke had done to this infinitely caring and vital lady. Unable to speak, we weren't sure if she recognised any of us as she showed no signs of awareness.  She was Austrian, and on her final morning I held her hand and spoke to her in my limited grasp of her language, telling her how much I loved her until we met again - she gripped my hand and then I knew she'd been with us all along.  A few hours later, she passed, very peacefully and with her favourite song playing quietly, aged 94.

I'm so very glad I said my farewells to my parents, and I'm convinced they still look after their family.  Mam and Dad - forever in my heart xxx

Awww  Gill,  thank you so much for sharing such personal family memories, even through the heartbreaking moments, the closeness, love and bond shines through, something that remains, I too believe stays with us forever. 

Eddie xx i

Oh thank you Eddie.  I wasn't being maudlin, just reminiscing over something many of us have experienced or will indeed have to deal with in the passing of time.

Although the youngest of three, mum wanted me to be her executor - I think she was trusting me to arrange her funeral to be an uplifting affair and it was.  I actually got most people present at the crematorium singing along with the final song, one of her favourites!

The atmosphere at her wake was brilliant and many told me, apart from the sadness of the event, it was one of the happiest funerals they'd attended.  That's what I'd been aiming for and thankfully it worked.  I can look back knowing mum had provided a great party to celebrate her life.

Take care my friend, Gill xx 

Gill, I had tears in my eyes reading this post.  Wow!!!

I totally agree with Eddie.

eddiel said:

thank you so much for sharing such personal family memories, even through the heartbreaking moments, the closeness, love and bond shines through, something that remains, I too believe stays with us forever. 

Take Care 

Sadly, I have only two very fuzzy memories of my dad, who passed when I was 5yo, and living in Taynuilt, 330 miles away, recovering from a major heart operation, while dad was working in Yorkshire, with pneumoconiosis, different times 

But I was blessed to not only have a wonderful mum and nana growing up, I had a best friend too, even when I left home, I bought the house 3 doors down the road to be close, so to lose her so suddenly to lung cancer, from 1st appointment to her passing was 4 months, with no help/support from anyone, was devastating, anyway  mum moved in with me and my partner, the kids had just left home and were trying to get on with their own lives, so we decided to keep them out of it, I gave up my job, which I loved, neglected my lifelong partner,  we first met when I was 1 day old, and were inseparable, I lost her too, to care for mum, getting no help at all from the medical profession, yet somehow, though housebound the first 3 1/2 months were good times, the last 2 weeks were hell, I did have a visit from the nurses for 5 minutes 3 days before the end, my mum was a traditionalist regarding funerals, but we honoured mums wishing regarding the service, but made the reception a celebration of life.

Eddie xx 

Again, thanks to you too, Steve.  Sadly, not one of us can escape the inevitable and it's heartbreaking when young ones succumb.

But... life goes on and we must seize the day - Carpe Diem. 

My dad was a divil for Latin phrases and I've kept lots of his prose and drawings, usually rounded off with one appropriate to the piece.  He was brought up in near poverty, the eldest of nine kids, but let nothing hold him back in his pursuit of knowledge.  He was an inspirational bloke.

Gill xx 

That's so sad Eddie and I'm sorry you went through all that.  But,  you were there for her throughout, giving us here an insight into why you're so very kind and caring.  I mean, I didn't even know you existed until very recently yet you've made me feel like a good friend, as has everyone else. 

I've made some smashing online pals since joining the community, both here and the Head and Neck forum.  Initially I joined out of despair but I'm now in a better place, all thanks to the generous of heart people I've encountered along the way, so a big thanks to all.  Yay!!!

Gill y

Well hiya Gilly, I've  been on the community a couple of years, I  don't remember why I joined,  but  I started on the prostate forum, a wonderful group of guys and girls, it's   been voted the best prostate forum in the world,  but I soon realised prognosis was more important than diagnosis and though I'm on 12 forums, the LWIC forum is where I'm understood the most, and able to talk about things, you can't elsewhere, I have made good friends too, friends I email, WhatsApp, call, meet and stay with, and being on the LWIC forum, sadly, lost a few friends as well, but absolutely a wonderful place to be.

Eddie xx 

Well hiya Gilly, we may have met many years ago, as I was also a Leeds fan for a few years, enjoying many happy sing-alongs in the south stand, until kids put an end to that, lol.

I've been on the community for 2 years, and  have found myself on 12 forums, and made many friends, who we call, meet,  and stay with, a wonderful place I'd recommend to everyone affected by cancer.

Eddie xx