Have had recent treatment for a high grade prostate tumor and a pancreatic tumor, it's early days but the consultants say the outlook is good. Nevertheless, I feel "afflicted" and although there are so many people that seem to take cancer in their stride, even get energised to fight it, I don't feel that way. At 60 I feel it's a bit early (although of course there are so many that experience this much earlier) and also that it will likely shorten my life. None of my friends have had to deal with this personally, and all seem detached or upbeat on my condition. I feel like there's a onus to be positive, but I don't want to be. Which isn't really like me, normally I am supremely optimistic.
Hi Pineapple60 and a very warm welcome to the online community which I hope you'll find is both an informative and supportive place to be.
I’m Anne, one of the Community Champions here on the Online Community and I've had two separate primary cancers too.
As the online community is divided into different support groups, I'm going to recommend that you join the pancreatic cancer group, in addition to the prostate cancer group that I can see you've already joined. Both groups are great places to ask questions, share experiences and get support.
To join the pancreatic cancer group, just click on the link I've created and, once you've joined, you can start a new post in the same way as you did here and join in with existing conversations by clicking on 'reply'.
It is really annoying this perception that to beat cancer you have to be positive all of the time. I bet the people who say that wouldn't be feeling positive all the time if they were the ones dealing with cancer! You might be interested in this series of blogs that Macmillan have put together which explores 'toxic positivity'.
It would be great if you could put something about your diagnosis and treatment to date into your profile as it really helps others when replying to you and also when looking for someone on a similar pathway. It also means that you don't have to keep repeating yourself. To do this click on your username and then select 'Profile'. You can amend it at any time and if you're not sure what to write you can take a look at mine by clicking on my username.
"Never regret a day in your life, good days give you happiness, bad days give you experience"
Hello Pineapple60
An interesting post but you are an individual and we are all different. I agree 60 is still a young age and you don't expect to be dealing with any cancer at any age!!
You will no doubt have come across me on the Prostate group - you will be aware that I am a positive person but I don't expect everyone to follow my example, as I said we are all individual. I do however believe a positive attitude and the willingness to fight the battle helps. I do believe in accepting support from others and any help I can get to fight my cancer.
Regarding your friends - yes, they will appear "detached or upbeat" because they don't have cancer and simply don't "get it". To fully understand someone's feelings about cancer and how they are affected I believe you need that same "bond" to have or have had cancer.
You aren't "afflicted" you are going about life in your own way - you are doing as you wish and at the end of the day no one can judge you for that. The good thing is
the consultants say the outlook is good.
Whatever others think - stick with what your consultants say - "The Outlook is Good".
We are a great bunch on here - stick with us and use us when you need that bit of support - we don't judge - we are one big family - your cancer family.
I hope this helps.
Best wishes - Brian.
Macmillan Support Line - 0808 808 00 00, 7 days a week between 8am-8pm
Strength, Courage, Faith, Hope, Defiance, VICTORY.
I am a Macmillan volunteer.
Hello Pineapple60
I was a bit like you when I was first diagnosed - I felt down and to be honest was told at first before my full diagnosis HT for life. It was then reduced to 3 years at the MDT meeting and things looked a little brighter.
Mid march - 3 months after diagnosis I was sorting through my paperwork relating to my cancer and requested full access to my medical records. It was at this point when I found out how close to death I had been, that my attitude changed.
I now enjoy life, my family my grand children and nature - I feel lucky to be here - yes - cancer is at the back of my mind - but I am still here and for me - that's great.
You will get there - trust me - positive thinking and things will look better.
Best wishes - Brian.
Macmillan Support Line - 0808 808 00 00, 7 days a week between 8am-8pm
Strength, Courage, Faith, Hope, Defiance, VICTORY.
I am a Macmillan volunteer.
Hi Pineapple60
I thought I’d just add my views as someone who has been through cancer, had it recur and had my life completely and utterly changed to something which has no resemblance to how it was before.
I was very positive about my outcome when I was first diagnosed more than 6 years ago, but my feelings have become different over the years.
I would now describe myself as a “positive realist”. I’m not a fan of military terminology when talking about cancer, so I’ll never use terms like fighting a battle or being a warrior although I’ve had these things said to me many times. These kind of words are not for me.
In life in general, no-one is positive all of the time-we are human and feel a whole range of different emotions, of which positivity can be one aspect. It doesn’t mean to say we can’t feel negativity too, and personally I find that perfectly natural and not wrong. In our general life we have upsets, things go wrong, we worry about money or family or a multitude of things. It’s very normal! With cancer we’re faced with a whole different level of fear and worry-no wonder it can be hard to be cheery and positive round the clock!
We can only say what we feel ourselves, and how we are affected, so I don’t find it helpful at all having people tell me to be positive and strong-many times I’ve been simply scared and overwhelmed and worried about the future. Toxic positivity to me is very real. I can’t abide people telling me they understand what it’s like, because they don’t walk in my shoes.
I allow myself to have all of those feelings and accept that they are normal based on what I’ve gone through. Someone who hasn’t had cancer couldn’t possibly understand, though they might say they do. But it’s me living my life, no-one else, so only I understand what it’s like.
I have been told by different doctors that they see a difference in treatment and recovery with patients who have a positive attitude, and I do believe that. I have always tried to be that person, and have been very lucky to survive on several different occasions when I was not expected to.
I don’t focus on worrying about my cancer, because I know that as a positive realist there isn’t any point, what will be will be, and I’m not in control of that. What I am in control of is how I live my life now, today, this minute. My life has been very difficult over the past few years with many more issues than cancer being added to the mix. Sometimes I can be very down, feel there’s no point any more, but those are times which don’t last. I owe it to myself to keep going, keep living while I can because I know I am very lucky to be here still.
It’s not up to anyone else to tell me to be positive-I’d encourage positivity in others but understand how hard it can be not to feel like that. We are all different-it would be a funny old world if we were all the same-and nobody is right or wrong, just as you are not wrong for feeling as you do. What I can say, is that you will still feel joy and happiness-it is still there in different ways for us all and making the most of that is priceless.
Sarah xx
Good Morning Sarah (SarahH21)
i hope you don't mind me popping back just to say what a brilliant, honest and heartfelt post yours is.
In engineering terms "I think you have hit the nail on the head".
Kind Regards - Brian xx
Macmillan Support Line - 0808 808 00 00, 7 days a week between 8am-8pm
Strength, Courage, Faith, Hope, Defiance, VICTORY.
I am a Macmillan volunteer.
Morning Brian
It’s just exactly how I feel-relentless positivity from others could sometimes feel like it was diminishing my own feelings, which were very real, of the fear I had. I felt I wasn’t being heard and acknowledged, and that made me feel alone.
I am generally a pretty positive person, although my post might not sound like it! I woke up today-a blessing in itself-to see a blue sky and immediately that makes the day start on a good note. A nice strong coffee and it puts me in the mood to be content with the day and get some things done.
But I acknowledge not every day is like that for me-I get very frustrated being disabled and needing help, because the loss of my independence has been a huge blow, but there’s no point thinking about how things were in the past because I don’t live there now. My reality now is very different and it’s about acceptance of that and making the best of it.
Have a good day Brian, and keep smiling! 
Sarah xx
Hello Sarah (SarahH21)
Thank you for your reply.
My reality now is very different and it’s about acceptance of that and making the best of it.
That sentence sums everything up. Although I am not disabled I have cancer and things have been a challenge for me. I have completed 3 years of Hormone Therapy (hell) and I know I have a high risk that the little bu**ers will be back. I have my next PSA test in a couple of weeks. Who knows what the future will bring?
I like you wake up - and think, magic a new day, things to do, life to live - I am not as active as I was 3 years ago - the Hormone Therapy has taken it's toll - but I am here!! To me every day is a bonus.
I will leave with a final comment - unless you have or have had a cancer diagnosis, you just haven't got that bond with people who have it.
You take care and keep on doing what you do - no doubt "speak" again soon.
Kind Regards - Brian xx
Macmillan Support Line - 0808 808 00 00, 7 days a week between 8am-8pm
Strength, Courage, Faith, Hope, Defiance, VICTORY.
I am a Macmillan volunteer.
We are in agreement here completely Brian-the bond we have going through cancer of any sort can truly only be understood by us, no matter how well meaning others might be.
Our challenges can all be very different, as with your case and mine, but we are facing them nonetheless and it’s so good to have the support of others who can understand.
None of us know what will happen in the future, cancer diagnosis or not, so I don’t dwell on that as I can’t change it. I prefer to have things to look forward to in the short term like holidays or visits to family and friends. Day to day I plan small goals and am chuffed if I achieve them-that’s enough for me.
Hope your PSA shows a good result for you-three years is a long time to be undergoing HT with all its effects.
Sarah xx
