I should be happy

Hi Ulan 

You are far from alone, people often feel like they are doing something while they are going through treatment and it is not at all unusual to end up feeling the loss of that and then emotions that we thought were well contained can come out. If we look at finishing treatment we can see how "normal" we are. 

So glad you came here and thanks for posting, that feeling of being alone is so very common and for one I am grateful we have this opportunity to chat to each other because here we just get how it really feels.

<<hugs>>

Steve

Hi Ulan, I totally relate to everything you have said.  I finished my chemo on 2 May (6 x 3weekly for ovarian cancer) and certainly do not feel like celebrating. In fact it has had the opposite affect on me. I think I feel now that there is no comfort blanket around me whereby my bloods were done 3 weekly and I was so completely monitored. Now I feel on my own just waiting for a recurrence of my cancer. All I can do is keep my fingers crossed.

Good luck to you x

Thank you for your reply It’s comforting to know that how I’m feeling isn’t that unusual . It really does feel like a loss mixed in with emotions from the whole process.

Thank you so much for your reply . I’m sorry you’ve had to go through chemotherapy. It’s comforting to know someone can relate to how I’m feeling, spending a lot of time in tears . I have my last radiotherapy tomorrow.after having been every day for 5 weeks, then they’ll be nothing. You’re so right about loss of a comfort blanket especially when everyone at the hospital  have been lovely.  I’m going to give a psychologist a go to try and princess everything, how are you coping with feeling like this ? 

Hi Ulan, it's just awful feeling like this isn't it and I am sure we are not alone.

At my last consultant meeting, i did tell her how I was starting to feel and broke down in tears. She suggested I talk to someone in our McMillan centre which I did last week.  It did help slightly being able to talk to a stranger and totally offload. She did say that these feelings are completely normal especially so soon after treatment.

In honesty I just feel like I am sitting on a ticking time bomb. I am praying that this will subside.

Have you thought about speaking to a McMillan nurse about how you are feeling?

Really hope you get on ok.

Hi positive vibes , it’s good you spoke to a Macmillan nurse , can you see her again ? 
I live in Spain so things are slightly different here, there’s no Macmillan nurses but the nurse I had for radiotherapy has been great and referred me to a psychologist at the hospital which helped a bit but the next appointment is in July!! It’s been so nice to communicate here on this group in English , sometimes I can’t find the words in Spanish . 

I too am hoping that these feelings will start to fade . We can get through this !! 

I can speak to the counsellor again if I want/need to but I think I will leave it for now and see how I get on for the next few weeks.

I really hope you find strength from whoever and wherever you can.

And yes we can do this!

Good luck to you

Hi Ulan , lovely replies already from the fine folks here. Just wanted to add that I felt just like you at the end of my 3 weeks radiotherapy. A friend suggested a girls night out to ‘celebrate’ and I had to tactfully tell her that was the last thing I felt like. There’s a very good article which I’ll hopefully post a link to, which I return to from time to time. I’m over 5 years now since finishing rads, still popping pills though (Anastrozole) in the hope of keeping the beast at bay! 
One thing I have learned over these years is to say no to things I don’t want to do. That’s something! Love and hugs, HFxx

Cant paste the link - sorry - if you Google After the treatment finishes by Peter Harvey it should come up xx

Hi Happyfeet 1 , thank you for your reply . i guess each person reacts in a different way to finishing treatment, I wish I did feel like celebrating instead of being an emotional mess. I’ve talked to a psychologist who helped me try and understand where the sadness was coming from which has helped and  hope this feeling of grief will gradually fade . 

How long did it take you yo feel more yourself? 

Good advice on not doing things you don’t want to do 

I’ll definitely take a look at that article . 

take care x

I’ve just read the article HappyFeet1, it’s excellent and really makes sense . 
thank you for recommending it xx