Wife has put me out.

  • 12 replies
  • 20 subscribers

I’m new to this, and I’m recovering from Bowel ops to remove tumours, I have secondaries in the liver, which I’ll be receiving chemo for in approximately 3 weeks, it was all very sudden after getting results from a bowel screening test in December to going through ops in February, my wife was really supportive initially, but I did notice a change in her feelings not long after getting home , anyway, very suddenly she told me that she hadn’t loved me for a long time and basically told me to leave, I’m not going to deny that things weren’t great pre-op, and we had a few ding dongs, but we were always quick to make up and enjoyed time together walking/holidays,etc, I remember when I was in hospital saying to her that I felt that the experience would bring us closer together, anyway last Thursday the day of my meeting with the oncology dept, was the day she asked me to leave, I was very upset at this to the point I didn’t really care at the time what they said to me and switched off after they said that what I have isn’t curable but is treatable, I was so confused not only by this but her also her decision, she took me directly to my mums from the hospital , my bags had been packed,I haven’t spoken or heard from her since, initially very hurt and very upset, I’ve decided that I can’t dwell on this, I need to concentrate on me, my friends and family are in shock about it ,especially my son,(not hers)I’m sorry, I’m not looking for sympathy on here, I guess I’m just talking out loud and saying things I find difficult to say to people I know,as it it still raw, I don’t think I will ever forgive her, although a minuscule thought in my head is saying, why would she live a lie and stay with me, and in the long run ,maybe she did the right thing? 

  • Hello  

    I think it's very brave of you to post what you have said - I think it's your way of "venting" in view of the circumstances and now is the time to move on and look after yourself.

    I am so sorry that the oncologist has told you that "it isn't curable but is treatable" so it's now time to try to get as much help as you can. I am aware that you are a member of the Secondary Liver Cancer forum - I think you would now also benefit from joining this forum: Living with incurable cancer forum - patients only . You can do this by clicking on the link I have provided.

    You will also find any additional support you may need by giving our support line a ring on 0808 808 00 00 (8am to 8pm 7 days a week).

    I hope this helps and if I can do anything else for you please let me know.

    Best wishes - Brian.

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    Macmillan Support Line - 0808 808 00 00, 7 days a week between 8am-8pm

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  • Thank you so much Brian, I have requested to join the forum through the link you provided, I have a macmillan nurse coming this Wednesday, and I’m writing a list of questions to ask, I think reading some of the stories will help me ask questions I haven’t even thought of  so thank you 


  • Hi DavyG, as a member of the living with incurable cancer forum you are very welcome to join and will get to know some wonderful people who understand what you are going through,


  • Thank you,Eddie, when I was told, everything was a bit of an info overload so being on this forum will hopefully give me a chance to absorb and understand a lot more.


  • Your welcome Davy, being given our prognosis is tough and takes time to work through, we are all there to help each other as only we can.


  • Hi DavyG

    I too would like to welcome you to the group that no-one wants to join, but is the most supportive group of people I've ever come across! We are all learning to live with our cancers, and having the best quality lives we can, for as long as we can.

    Few of us will have been through the trauma of a marriage break-up whilst coping with our treatments and diagnosis. That is really tough for you, and my heart goes out to you (hugs). I am glad that you were able to stay at your mum's, and hope you can organise your living arrangements on a longer than 'crisis' basis. You can seek support with this through the Macmillan helpline. Free counselling is also available, which may be of benefit whilst you adjust to your new circumstances.

    You have an awful lot to 'work through', and you'll find the Living With Incurable Cancer group really helpful, empathetic, supportive and kind.

    I hope you will keep posting, and sharing your experience with others.


  • Thank you so much, 

    I have a macmillan nurse coming on Wednesday and have been writing down as much as I can think of to ask them, I don’t want to be here(with my mum)but I have no where else to go, my mum has been brilliant, I’m 60, she’s 86, I think she likes the company but because it’s so raw I think I’m being a bit of a burden, I have always been quite independent but she insists on doing things for me( mothers I suppose) I try to get out as much as possible but if I’m out on my own I can’t help sometimes getting overwhelmed when thinking about things that have happened and can get upset without any notice , it happened today, I’m just hoping that things will move on soon, 

  • Hi DavyG It's good that you are getting out and I totally understand getting overwhelmed and crying, we all do it. Is there a Maggies centre near you, It's a drop in centre for people with cancer, no appointment needed just pop in after 9am they provide support of all kinds to help us manage our lives. www.maggies.com Iknow many on the forum go. take care,


  • Yes there is, I’m hoping to get there soon, it’s just a bit of a journey until I can drive again, thanks Eddie

  • Mine is over a hour away though more than worth it.