Reactions to being someone with cancer ….

In my experience most people have been supportive and willing to engage but a small number would rather not be and I've seen a couple of individuals avoid contact altogether. I think this is because they feel uncomfortable and don't know what to say or do, although it can be hurtful as the "subject".

Hello Grahamthegreat 

I am in total agreement with excavator in what he says.

The bare bones is that if you aren't in "the big C club" most people are ignorant about any form of cancer and need to be educated. No you can't catch it by touching me - no I won't be dead tomorrow - yes I can live with it!

I find the bit they don't understand is they can see you but not the cancer - you scratch your arm - there's a plaster - you have cancer - where is it - why are you ill?

Truth is you really find out who your friends are - and the one's who take an interest in your diagnosis and treatment become your true friends.

My best wishes on your personal journey - if I can do anything to help you know how to get in touch.

Best wishes - Brian.

My experience is that I have one friend who keeps in touch regularly, and no-one else except family who live too far away to visit often. I’ve got rid of those I thought were “friends” who made me feel guilty for having cancer-one of the difficulties those of us who have a stigmatised type of cancer(hpv driven) can face. I mainly have contact with people I have met online where I set up a support group for ladies who have had my type of surgery and they understand completely so it’s much easier to chat to them. They have become my new friends.

I had no idea of course that my life would be like this at my age, but I try to make the best of it, and I realise that I am strong enough without others so I don’t discuss my cancer in general-acquaintances assume I am fine, so I leave it at that. I am however sometimes a little envious of those who’ve had lots of support, because I didn’t, but it’s more than 5 years since my original diagnosis so I’ve learned to live with life as it is now. I don’t call it my new normal because it really isn’t.

Sarah xx 

Hi Grahamthegreat,Similar experience here.I hadn’t intended to tell any friends but my sister persuaded me.I did get supportive cards and letters in the beginning.My ex partner who I have known for 44 yrs was very upset and got drunk for days.When he finally sobered up he wrote to ask how he could help.He ended up assisting financially which was greatly appreciated.I got very gaunt and my next door neighbour told me I looked ghastly.Although it was true I didn’t need to hear it.Mostly I have only talked about cancer in this community.Best wishes Jane 

Thank you. I certainly agree that you discover who your friends are. 

Thanks Sarah.

Thank you 

People can act in a strange way that can feel hurtful and uncaring . Many are fearful of approaching the subject in case of upsetting you and discuss everything else but . In my Father’s case , who has cancer , people remark how well he looks or lovely to see him up .. almost like they have to comment  and be positive . 
I personally , prefer matters to be addressed . I remember when I had a miscarriage and not one person mentioned it . I stood up and announced , I know that you all know and we can talk about it . 
I feel maybe you could take this kind of approach. Make people aware that you are open and willing to discuss the same as you support them with their difficulties.

well and strong .

remember you are Graham the great for a reason !!!

Hi Ally C 

Ally C said:

Make people aware that you are open and willing to discuss the same as you support them with their difficulties.

I fully support that comment. I have Prostate Cancer and wear a T-Shirt with the "man of men" logo - I also have a couple with the blue ribbon - with "Prostate Cancer Support Squad" written on them.

Funny in 12 months of going to my "local pub" - I meet friends there twice a week - I have guided 6 people through either an early diagnosis or assurance that they didn't have cancer. There are people - and some where people who I know just to nod to  - out there who have symptoms but don't want to know - once they see someone who has "come out the other side" - it's reassuring and they ask questions.

Best wishes with your fathers journey - and thanks for your post.

Brian  (together we are strong).

Earlier in the year a couple of tradesmen came to repair the balcony.I was explaining how the house had got into a state due to no money and having had cancer.One of the men was curious and asked me a few questions about cancer and we had a good conversation about it.There is still a lot of ignorance surrounding cancer.