Reactions to being someone with cancer ….

You are so right, not only ignorance - but stupidity in not even trying to understand it. I will be open and I thought nothing about cancer - it's not going to get me.

I had a close friend a few years ago - brain cancer - people just ignored it - no visiting, no "how is so and so" just written off and then when he died - oh he's gone - such a nice man - no mention of how he died. i saw him almost every day - and go down hill very quickly.

Once I received my diagnosis and went through the "Why Me" stage I said to my wife - I will fight this and will learn everything about it. Thanks to the help of the good members of this Community - mainly the Prostate Cancer Community I am where I am today - I want people to know about it and understand it.

Best wishes - Brian.

Hi Brian,I didn’t really go through the ‘why me ‘ stage but I certainly went through the ‘why am I facing this alone’ stage.That was the bleakest time as my partner John had to shield in the pandemic and my late mum was in respite in a care home.Still I got through it with the help of good people like yourself and the bladder cancer group.Your friend must have appreciated your visits and it’s sad that others ignored him.Love Jane 

Hi Jane

I have also never said “why me?”. Why not me, given the number of people who get a cancer diagnosis In their lifetime?

 I don’t really ask questions to which there will never be any answer as I don’t see the point. I just got on with what I needed to do.

Sarah xx 

Hi Sarah,Same here really.Neither of us had a big support network and I suppose we had no choice but to just get on with it.It has been hard and lonely at times but I am stronger mentally for it and grateful to be here.Love Jane xx

Agree with every word you’ve said there, Jane. I’m a different person now, but gained a lot of mental strength and very grateful to still be around!

Sarah xx

Yes I’ve had a couple of stupid reactions. One from a clever friend! A lot of people don’t get sensitivity do they? 

No they don’t.I was suprised to get that comment from my neighbour as she had gone through cancer herself.

There are different approaches to "who to tell" as demonstrated by the posts here.  

I have taken a "tell no-one" approach because cancer doesn't define me.   I don't want people asking me about it, reminding me about it when I'm in a good place!    But I have told a couple of neighbours and a couple of managers at work out of necessity.   

I do find that the people I've told, it affects me more because in the back of my mind  I think "they know!".    But people don't generally ask  and I like that because they are not giving the cancer a place in my life.  It's not that they don't care.   My medical privacy is important to me and it's easy to spiral downwards into it being "public knowledge".  Treatment is complicated so you'd have to explain everything to them - and for whose benefit - only theirs!  Not for me.  

I am not one for telling all and sundry my personal business Mmum and there’s no way I’d want to be describing my surgery to others who couldn’t possibly understand, are likely just being very nosey and glad it’s not them, and have no need to know. You never know who people will tell, who they then tell, and before you know it there’s a whole lot of people not in your circle who know intimate details of your life.

I prefer that as few people as possible know, I’m never going to be wearing items which tell others which cancer I had, but I’m happy to try to help others in an anonymous setting like this. Broadcasting my cancer with cancer specific merchandise just isn’t my thing-I’ve seen all sorts of cervical cancer stuff like leggings and trainers being sold that just make me cringe. Each to their own I guess.

Sarah xx

Hi Mmum,I can relate to this.If I had looked well I could probably have got away without telling anyone.I looked so ill though that neighbours had noticed and started wondering what was wrong.The couple of neighbours I did tell I knew could be trusted to be discreet.Outside this community I rarely think or talk about cancer and that has allowed me to live life without it having too much impact on my partner and family.I didn’t want cancer to take over and it hasn’t.Love Jane xx