Do I tell my son about my recent diagnosis?

Hi BigBrownB

The decision to tell anyone else is of course yours but in your position I might think - what if he found out other than from me.

It might be worth talking a look through Talking to children and teenagers as it might help you to decide. It does sound from what you say the news is really good at the moment (in so far as any cancer diagnosis might be considered good!).

The other plus might be making him more aware of the risks of cancer and perhaps recognize is can happen to anyone.

Hope that helps.

<<hugs>>

Steve

Hi Steve,

Thanks for your prompt response. I know I’m lucky in my diagnosis (which as you pointed out, when discussing a cancer diagnosis sounds odd). I’ll take a look at the link to the chat about talking to teenagers. It’s so difficult to know what to do. As a mother, it’s an instinct to protect your child…..but on the other hand…..

thank you again for your support x

Like BigbrownB said, its your choice who to tell. I have not told any of my grandparents as they’re all in their 70s and I don’t want to worry them. Also I know they would just cause me more stress by constantly asking me about it and at the same time not providing any support. The family I have told know this so they won’t find out through them.

I think it’s a balance - what will be gained from him knowing vs the risk of him worrying and or finding out another way and feeling like you couldn’t trust him to tell him

Hi Charlotte,

I’ve read a few chats about other peoples experiences as well now, and think that once the genetics results come in which the consultant suggested may give me an idea of how long it’ll be until I need treatment, I’ll decide then wether to tell my lad or not. There are so few people I’ve told who all know my feelings about telling him, so  as you said, for now it’s okay not for him to know and worry.

thank you for your support ️

Nice to meet you....this was a week ago that you posted this but I am scrolling the site and came upon your post.

I really WISH I didn't tell my son...who is 33 because telling him has brought more anxiety onto me..because he IS WORRIED...he is asking quesitons I don't have answers to...I did SCARE him before I knew all the details....and it is too late for me to take it back.

If I had to do it again, I would not tell him until I was starting treatment.

You said your treatment could be 10 years out....He is 18...

You seem to have enough information to soothe any worries he has....Its good news that you are not currently required to have treatments. 

With technology ramping up...maybe you never will have to have treatment.

I'm with you thou...this is a very hard decision to make to tell or not to tell........

I hope you do what is best for your situation 

Hugs.

Hi, it is completely up to you with regards to your son.

I told my 10 year old son straight away I've been going through chemotherapy for past 6 months and he has been with me every step of the way .

Regardless of age they will have a gazillion questions running through their minds and its easier for them to cope if they are involved.

But that is something only you can decide. 

Big B

From a man’s perspective, yes tell him as soon as you can. Put yourself in his position and ask yourself would you want to know. 

As an 18 year old young man you believe you can cope with anything and he will want to know he has supported you from day 1.

I have 6 kids over 3 marriages and I have made so many mistakes over the years in how I brought them up, in particular being the absent parent and forever trying to overcompensate for not being there. 

The one thing I learnt from comparing them and how they have reacted to issues in our lives is not including them in anyway from the beginning in big issues is a mistake. One way or another they wil resent it. They might bury it in them but it will be there. 

Anyway, he will want to support you in every way he can.

Whatever YOU decide to do is the right thing to do though. There is no right and wrong with bringing up kids, as a parent you do your best, there are no rules. Follow your heart on this one.

Good luck.