This may come across incredibly selfish, but I’ll be straight. My partner was diagnosed with Acute Myeloid Leukaemia in April and it’s been devastating - it’s completely turned our world upside down.
Since April I’ve been juggling work, a house, pets, public transport, hospital visits, phone calls and I was so burnt out. I am working from home now and this has made a huge difference in terms of pressure being lifted but I am now struggling with a different type of pressure.
My partner stays in hospital for weeks at a time whilst receiving treatment, in fact he has only been home for approx 4 weeks since diagnosis. As time has gone by, my partner is struggling to converse about things other than hospital and cancer related topics. Almost 4 months later, I am struggling to communicate with him because I have exhausted all avenues of conversation in regards to cancer and the hospital. My partner hates his hospital stays - he is bored, lonely, agitated and fed up. I understand this wholeheartedly. The problem is, everything I suggest, he builds a barrier to and I don’t know what to say anymore. I have suggested we watch the same TV shows, read the same books etc so we have something to discuss that isn’t about cancer but my partner says he isn’t in the mood, and then continues to discuss his temperature or his neutrophils, or his medication and that he wants to come home. Don’t get me wrong, I will discuss his diagnosis and his situation as much as possible but 4 months later I also need to be treated as a girlfriend every now and then because I currently feel like I am his 24/7 counsellor. This is selfish I know but I am just so drained from the constant depressing and negative conversations. I have raised this with my partner who now appears to be pushing me away.
I don’t want this to come across as though I am unsupportive, and I wish more than anything I could take this away and swap places. His mental state is understandable and I feel awful for complaining but I just don’t know how to talk to him or help him when he declines everything I have to offer.
It is probably worth noting that my partner is in remission, but he is still receiving chemotherapy treatment and has another round to go through yet.
Have any other wives, husbands, partners felt similar to me? Am I a terrible girlfriend? Is there any advice?
Thanks 
Hi and welcome to the online community
I haven't been in your position as I was the one with cancer but I know how hard it can be for those all around the patient.
I don't know if you've seen that you've had a reply to your post in the family and friends group but, if not, clicking here will take you straight to it.
I hope you don't mind me suggesting that you might also find it helpful to join the carers only group which is a safe and supportive place to discuss your worries and emotions with others who are caring for a loved one with cancer. If this is something that you'd like to do clicking on the link I've created will take you straight there.
It would be great if you could update your profile with details about your partner's diagnosis and treatment as it really helps others when answering or looking for someone with a similar pathway. It also means that you don't have to keep repeating yourself. To do this click on your username and then select 'Profile'. If you're not sure what to write you can take a look at mine by clicking on my username.
Sending a supportive ((hug))
"Never regret a day in your life, good days give you happiness, bad days give you experience"
