Hi everyone! I’m new

I’ve just finished chemotherapy and will need another surgery, as the cancer had spread to my lymph nodes. It hasn’t been easy. I completely understand what grief, fear, and anxiety feel like. What keeps me going is the hope that one day I’ll be able to say: I beat cancer. 

Hi lovely, 

Hope you're doing ok. I'm 47 and been diagnosed with triple positive breast cancer. Mine is Grade 3. Stage 1.

I'll have the same path as you - chemo & radio & tamoxifen (the anti HRT!!). I hope you're doing ok. I just had my op. That's positive on the lymph nodes being clear. Mine looked clear on ultrasound too and were clear following my op. The ultrasound is 98% reliable according to my radiologist.

I had bad news today at my appointment to take my stitches out. All good on the healing, but...the lumpectomy didn't take out all of the DCIS that was around my cancer, so I'm having another op on Saturday! And then the pathology confirmed that I'll need chemo. They'd thought my cancer was tiny  (2.5mm)  because it was picked up on a mammogram not as a lump, but in reality it was 1.5cm. Anyway in a weird way that's good as I know how amazing immunotherapy - herceptin etc - is for stopping the cancer or it recurring for us HER2 positives and the immuotherapy can't be given without chemo. So I get to have both and the benefits of that for long term living. But  Sweet Jesus - the re-op and the chemo combined is making me have a total insomniac meltdown. 

Really hope your op goes ok. I found the op very straightforward. Worst bits for me were  the scout in the pre-op - take  a friend if you need to have a scout, the insertion made me dizzy - and the blue dye injection for the sentinel lymph node - only 2 minutes of pain, but I just didn't want to be in pain! The op itself was no prob (GA  and all very simple) and I just had a lovely week recovering and watching films and eating well and sleeping. The kicker is that I now have to have a re-op (apparently this happens to 1 in 6 of us). But this time without the scout or the blue injection, so it'll be more straightforward and then it'll be back to the sofa for me. I'll then have a month recovery before chemo.

I've been looking for how to stop hair loss. I think the only thing is the cold ice cap, but it doesn't sound that effective. I didn't realise how vain I was about my boobs and my hair til I got cancer! Oh well. It's a process. In a year, you and I will both be through this. My mum and my cousin have been through breast cancer treatment very similar to ours and our thriving.  My cousin, whose treatment finished two years ago, has just had a little miracle baby at 38 years old! My mum is 27 years on from her cancer and one of the heatliest 70 somethings in her friend group. There is light at the end of this. Good luck. Sending you so much love. You will be ok. 

And hope the sleep works. I'm seeing a holistic therapist on Wednesday to talk through all the magic pills and tricks to get through the non-HRT world! 

All the best. you're not remotely alone xxx

Sorry this is a huge stream of consciousness. I guess that's probably why I'm awake! My head is spinning. xx

Hope you're ok. I have to have a re-op this weekend. Psychologically it's tough. But we will get through it. I'm sure you will be able to say that one day. Sending you so much love. xxx

Hey - my cancer trawling has continued and I have a recommendation - Daniel Field. He specialises in chemo products to align with cold capping and keeping your hair / it growing back, as well as other chemo skincare stuff. He also does non-toxic colouring too. I've booked a consultation with him tomorrow. It was recommended on the  Breast Cancer Now online forum (yes - I have treated my cancer as a full time job in the last 24 hours!). His products seem to be well recommended. He even has a salon where he does cancer care.  But it's in Barnet - North London, which is miles from me. I don't want to get my hopes up but... worth a punt. Thought I'd share. It's expensive, but at this point I'm prepared to go the full hog. I usually spend wild amounts on hair colouring / bleaching anyway, so I figured it is doable. Breast Cancer Now forum discussion is literally called 'Daniel Field'. Anyway - thought I'd share in case it helps us all a bit. Sending you lots of love. Going to quietly come off my cancer obsession now and attend to my children! Oh dear...

Thank you so much for taking the time to write this and sharing everything  I had an MRI today and almost passed out during it cus of a hot flush. They’d put a blanket on me and it happened so quickly and once panic set in I couldn’t shake that overwhelm but I had a short break and dived back in  I think it’s the insomnia that’s doing it. Last night was a non-sleeping pill night and boy did I feel it. I think I’m worried cus I feel dreadful already and haven’t even had treatment or an op yet  But your post has cheered me. I too feel really grief stricken about my boobs and hair. I was just starting to feel human and sexy again after trouble with hormones and having HRT. But you really have to get through day by day and we will get through this. What a test of character and we will learn so much and appreciate so much. Always here if you ever want to chat x️

Sending you so much love! Thank you for writing and sharing. It’s helped me not feel so alone. That’s exactly it, one day at a time ️ do you have anything you can escape to like a hobby? I feel quite frazzled at the moment so finding the usual stuff a bind

Oh my goodness. You por love. Why did they put a blanket on you!? So weird! I suppose they thought it was caring. MRIs are real tenacity testers - all the alarm sirens and bells and whistles banging and whirring  and you face first in a plastic tube trying not to think about e.g. Cancer. I asked them to play some pop music (thinking modern) and they started to play “Baby I was Born to Run” over what sounded like an air raid siren going off and I had to push the panic button to make it stop!

Anyway, to reassure, I think the stage you’re at (at the beginning with all the scanning and injecting and poking and prodding and not knowing what’s actually happening apart from the fact you have cancer) is possibly the worst bit! The op was fine. Obviously can’t comment on chemo yet (or my second op - lucky me!), but I would say a hot flush and a panic attack during an MRI reflects the fact that this is a particularly rubbish stage of your journey. So sending you a massive hug

Hopefully we will all sleep better tonight!

I meant to put that last  hair preservation post  the chemo hair chat ‍ but hope still helpful here! 

I like your thinking about this being character forming. And I really do hope I become a stronger person through this. My friends keep saying - you’re so brave. But I’m thinking. Erm no. I’m a massive coward. I wouldn’t choose this whole shit show and 50% of my concerns are about losing my looks! It’s just revealed to me how damn superficial I am 

Also (while I’m on a roll) I don’t know what boob related op your having, but I had a lumpectomy one week ago and my breast looks normal and recovery was fine. My cousin had a bi-lateral mastectomy with implants and she said it was fine. She went to sleep with boobs in a sports bra and woke up with same sized boobs in a sports bra. She said she found the biopsy harder than the mastectomy! Recovery took a month, She said she woke up from the op starving and husband had to go and get her a McDonalds! Plus she showed me her new boobs when I thought I might have to have a mastectomy (still might if my second op on Sat doesn’t go well) and her boobs  looked bloody amazing. You would not know. So…all in all. We will be ok.  Even if our boobs aren’t perfect at the end of this! Apologies for the superficial rallying cry