Round two

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My brain always kicks into gear at silly times so here goes....

I am currently 29 and had my first meeting with breast cancer at 23, if I go off on a random tangent please bear with me!! 

I have no family history or genetic links to breast cancer so it was pretty odd the first time!! I had 9 months of two different chemos, before and after surgery. One shank one of the 5 tumors by less than a millimeter (I think, I get muddled) and the other had no effect. It had spread to my lymph nodes and after a few arguments between two hospitals, they decided it was an overspill of cancer rather than a new tumor. It was also found in my blood stream so annoyingly I can't get the all clear, just no visible signs right now. I had a double mastectomy, axillary clearance in one side and radiotherapy. Sorry long story so far!!

So now after a scan to check my organs they found a nodule (I find that word funny!!) Turns out the cancer has returned!! Weirdly it's in the side where I had the radio therapy and clearance so I went weird with it again!! 

Last week I had surgery to try remove it and I'm waiting for pathology to find out what's next. I feel weird saying this but I'm worried that'll be it, like what if a little cell is still there and doesn't get zapped with any other treatment. Because of my age, I got told I was too young and I'm worried it'll be disregarded again. I am on goserelin and tired loads of the tamoxifen type tablets but I was so poorly on them I had a talk with the team and we agreed it's risky but I would have a better quality of life without them. I felt a bit like I was being blamed because I wasn't taking the tablets and was told before I 'had' to take them. Has anyone else felt pressured into this? 

I also have concerns about relationships and family knowing that I will likely keep have recurrences. The first time, me and an oncologist did the predict test. We had to up my age as it starts at 25, and I will have very little chance of surviving 15 years. I wanted to know people's thoughts on this too.

Sorry for the long, long post but my brain is in overdrive!! 

Thank you for reading the essay!! If you quit halfway through, I don't blame you!! 

  • Hello Sunshine Kid

    I hope you don't mind me replying as I had a different type of cancer to you. Hopefully by doing so someone who has had a similar journey to you will see it and be able to offer more specific support. 

    I am really sorry to hear that you have had a recurrence of your breast cancer. I hope that you are recovering ok from your surgery. I remember waiting for my post op pathology and it is tough as you are sort of in limbo until you know for sure whether any further treatment is needed. I hope that you do not have to wait too long and that your results are ok.

    You should not feel "pressured" into having any treatment that you do not feel is right for you. They need to make sure you understand the risks and benefits involved so you can make an informed decision but ultimately it is your choice. Maybe it is something you could talk through with one of the nurses on the Support Line? The number is below and it may help to speak with someone outside of the current situation. I actually spoke with one via online chat on here and they were really helpful and not at all pushy. 

    I do not know much about the predict test but this is maybe also something you could speak to the nurses on the Support Line about. Sometimes just talking things through with someone neutral can stop your brain going into over drive as you say. It helps me anyway. 

    Hopefully someone in a similar situation will now see your post and offer some support, but in the meantime if there is anything else you need, then please do ask.

    I wish you well with the rest of your recovery.



    Macmillan Support Line - 0808 808 00 00, 7 days a week between 8am-8pm

  • Hi,

    Thank you so so much for replying!! I think just venting a bit and getting thoughts out without worrying that people I'm close too will see and panic. I'm not really worried about anything it's just a weird feeling I have. I hope that makes sense!! 

    I hope you are well and I really appreciate your time and suggestions!! I will think about trying some of those suggestions!! I find it hard to ask for help/advice!!

    Thank you again Blush

  • Hi Sunshine Kid - I'm sorry you are going through this.  It is great you are using this forum to vent - I helps a lot at times to talk to others outside of our close circle - especially when we can speak to people who are going through something similar. 

    I'm very new to breast cancer so I don't have the wealth of information that others might but I do agree with Jane above about the importance of you not feeling pressured into treatments that don't feel right for you.  

    I know you say you find it help to ask for help/advice (I do too....I'm okay talking to my friends but I didn't ring my breast care nurse when I was really struggling emotionally a few weeks back, even though she'd said I could....Today though, I needed to discuss something and finally decided to pick up the phone... I'm glad I did now because she was able to answer my questions)....So, I just want to say reach out wherever support is being offered  - The Macmillan nurses on here will be probably be best for responding to your medical-related questions and concerns and everyone else is here for times when you want to vent or just get a bit of emotional support!

    Just a thought....It's great that there's this under-50s section of the forum for breast cancer, but I'm wondering if you would be more likely to get responses from others who've had similar experiences if you post in the main forum as well?  I think there is a wider audience there....

    Take care of yourself!