Having tiffs with mum

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I'm a recurrence breast cancer person and I turned 30 a few days back. I'm currently having weekly chemo and I'm feeling really fed up with it!! I have a syringe driver for three days after so have three days a week where I'm not connected to some sort of machine. 

I'm currently staying with my parents while I'm visited by nurses to sort my driver and although I live less than a song away by car (I am a big music nerd) I feel so sad I'm not at my house. I live in a little rented house with a strict landlord who won't let me change curtains or lampshades and does very extensive checks every month or so, even going through cupboards to see pipes. I feel so lucky to have the space but feel I have nowhere that is mine and where I can be me. This is a big argument point as my mum does alot for me (I have autism so require lots of support) she calls it assisted live which I guess it is. She gets angry I want to go home and enjoy being alone, she feels I'm lying to her and not telling her what I'm doing. I'm honestly scrapbooking, knitting, sewing ect. She is very assertive in her speech and has been calling me really selfish and we are now not speaking. I think I have got aggy as I'm so fed up and just feel trapped. Does this make sense to anyone?? Don't get me wrong my mum is my world and I love her so much!! I just don't know what's going on and why she is becoming more difficult to cope with. My dad has also argued with her for saying nasty things and he's finding it hard too. 

I feel guilty that I am stressing them out and being bad. Does anyone know what I'm trying to say here?? Sorry it's very confusing!!

Thank you for reading my verbal nonsense!! 

Sunshine kid 

  • Hi SunshineKid,

    Nothing nonsense about your post, all made sense. I have a daughter with Autism too.

    My relationship with my mum is not quite the same as yours but it’s definitely weird, so I can somewhat relate. I am so sorry for you that you’re fighting the cancer as well as having to navigate relationship with your mum. Life does suck sometimes doesn’t it, but I believe things do get better, sometimes on their own and sometimes with some intervention. My daughter likes to write me letters when we are struggling to communicate and it does help me to see from her side. I hope things get better between you and your mum.

  • Hi,

    Thank you so much for taking the time to reply!! Thinks have improved with my mum, I just felt very worried that it was me and I am doing things wrong. It really helps that you can relate!! 

    I write cards all the time as I find that easier, I can struggle with my speech and I often get blank stares when I use BSL!!  I have been reading a really good book (the Deborah James one) and it talks about changing relationships, I happened upon that chapter at the perfect time. 

    Thank you again and I hope you're okay and life is sunny through the clouds :)