Struggling mentally and emotionally

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Hi everyone

I'm new to Macmillan but thought I would give this a try as I have really started to struggle with my diagnosis lately.

I was diagnosed with triple positive breast cancer in January this year. I was 32 years old when I was diagnosed. I have 2 children (6 years and 2 years) and a wonderful supportive partner.

I am currently having chemotherapy (my last session is on Tuesday). I then have to have surgery, radiotherapy, 12 months of Herceptin and will be on Tamoxifen for 5/10 years.

I obviously had the odd meltdown during the early stages of diagnosis but once my treatment started I was okay and determined to just get through it. But all of a sudden it feels like im drowning and I keep getting hit with waves of low moods, anxiety and anger.

I should be happy and relieved that it's my last chemotherapy on Tuesday but instead I'm just constantly low and feel very scared of the future. I'm scared that there is always going to be something wrong with me, some sort of side effect from all these drugs that I have to somehow deal with.

I've realised that I will never go back to my normal life, I don't want a "new normal", I want my old normal and I am so sad I will never get that back. I think I'm grieving for the pre-diagnosis me; I miss her.

Anyway, sorry for the ramble. I'm usually quite a positive person and just get on with things so feeling all these emotions is very new to me and I'm struggling to process them all.

Thanks for reading

Amy x

  • Hi Amy, I am sorry to read how difficult a time you are having during your journey. I had a different experience to yourself as I didn’t need chemo but I did go through a lot of the feelings you mentioned post treatment, anxiety and just feeling so low and so out of sync with where I normally felt emotionally. I like you was a positive person going in, it took a while but a year past where I was and on good days I do feel like myself, be patient with yourself you are coping with so much, take each day at a time and know that people care x

  • Thank you so much for your reply. It helps to vent a bit and speak to someone who understands.

    You're prepared for the physical battles of chemotherapy and surgery and whatever other treatments but nobody really prepares you for the mental and emotional aspect of it all.

    I considered myself a very strong minded person before and even my parents say if I were anymore laid back I'd be horizontal. But this has just taken me by complete surprise and just don't know how to deal with these thoughts and feelings. 

  • Hi ALR2088

    I was diagnosed in January aged 44 so only just under 50 and lucky for me I didnt need chemo.  I have had two surgerys and Radiotherapy which all ended on 21st May.  I am also on Tamoxifen and have until now coped brilliantly, just kept thinking lets get this done and me back to normal!! However these past two weeks I have been on my own emotional rollercoater and not sure why, I keep bursting into tears and wondering whats next????  At the stage you are at now I would say concentrate on the next steps, you will be back bigger and stronger than ever just dont rush yourself.

  • Hi SarahS21

    Thanks for your reply and your advice. I am really trying to not look too far ahead and concentrate on the next step (which is waiting for MRI results which makes your mind go crazy anyway).

    I hope the Tamoxifen is treating you well, I've heard nothing but horror stories about them so am nervous about taking them. I have heard from a lot of people that they make you feel very emotional when you start taking them, maybe it is just your body getting used to the Tamoxifen.

    All the best

  • Hi ALR2008

    Thank you for your response. Waiting is hard and cant even imagine what your mind is doing to you. Thank you for the information regarding Tamoxifen, I didnt know about the emotional aspect so thank you.

    Wishing you all the best and good luck for your results.