Loneliness - how to cope?

FormerMember over 5 years ago

4 replies
18 subscribers
4624 views

Hi,

I am halfway through my chemo treatment. I've had 4 so far, and I'm struggling a lot with fatigue and everything that comes with chemo.I already had fibromyalgia, and it's only made it worse.

It doesn't make it easy getting around - or even doing the regular house cleaning and whatnot, but I manage the best I can. It does get incredibly lonely though.

Because of work (I'm on sick leave now) , I live in a town where I don't really know anyone. My family (mum, brother & family, sister) live over 3 hours away, and my friends too.

My mum is good at texting me almost daily, about everyday stuff, and I appreciate it. My sister sends me funny animal videos which I love. My brother rarely texts me, but his wife sends me a little text now and then, so I know what's going on in the kids' lives. A couple of my friends sends me snapchats or a text every week, which I appreciate. Another friend plays online games with me, and it's a great distraction, even if it's only 5 minutes every other day.

However, this pretty much sums up my contact with the world. I go grocery shopping biweekly, and I go in for treatment every 3 weeks. That's the only time I see or speak to other people.

I desperately wish someone would call me every now and then. My mum rang me not long ago, the day after I got out of hospital (had an infection, so had to go in for a couple of days). She was a bit worried when I didn't respond to a text, which was sweet. That's the first time she's called me in 4 months. I haven't had any other calls either in 3 months. I have tried calling friends and family myself, and keep the conversation on what's going on in their lives, in hopes it would make them more comfortable with getting in touch. (plus, it's really nice to hear about) But I guess everything is done by text these days?

I don't know how to change things, and am shameful to admit I'm having a bit of a pity-party. I have a friend who's going through chemo too, and found myself a bit jealous when she texted about her mum coming to stay with her, and neighbours sending care-packages and whatnot. I feel a tad horrible about that, and yet I'm still sitting here wondering what's wrong with me? I hope you don't get me wrong, I don't expect the world to revolve around me just because I'm going through this. But I really need human contact.

Any advice on how I can change things?

FormerMember over 5 years ago

Hi Aliza

I totally get the fatigue part. I have just had 3rd EC chemotherapy cycle on Monday and today I am absolutely shattered , tired beyond tired and so shocked at how I feel . I am forcing myself to get up and do stuff , however I do have help . Maybe worth you calling Macmillan for a chat and some advice , also ask about support groups which may help . I emailed them regarding my youngest daughter who is struggling with it all at the moment and they replied very quick with suggestions . Saying that people are ever so friendly on here and supportive so others may have some better advice for you .

Stay strong , keep your chin up and self pity every now and then does no harm

Hugs and best wishes

FormerMember over 5 years ago in reply to FormerMember

Hi there Iwilldothis :)

Thank you for replying - and thank you, I might do that :)

Also, thank you so much for your kind response, it cheered me up a bit! I really appreciate it.

I never really recovered after the 3rd round, but that could be because of the fibro- I hope you will feel better in a couple of weeks. I'm curious to see how the next 4 will be (I've forgotten what it's called - taxi something?)

I'm happy to hear you got good support, and that you were able to get answers on how to support your daughter. It's often worse for the loved ones as they feel very helpless and scared and insecure. I hope it helped you both.

Again, thank you for your kindness.

A warm hug and best wishes

Beachwalker19 over 5 years ago

Hi ,

So sorry for what you are going through. Diagnosis and treatment are hard enough.

Definitely pop into your Macmillan centre if you have one local to you. Mine have been brilliant. Or ring them.

Have you been on the Look Good, Feel Better session? Macmillan can help with that and lots of other great advice on meetings in your area. They offer support on lots of other issues, whether it’s emotional, financial or whatever.

I attend a Holistic group now that Macmillan put me in touch with offering mediation, Reiki etc.

Please let us know how you get on x x

FormerMember over 5 years ago in reply to Beachwalker19

Hi .

There are some really good suggestions on here from others Being on your own is hard, I know this too. ( I’m my case I’m 62 and have no family at all any longer).

Most of my contacts are via medical appointments and related. I had to take early retirement on ill health grounds Jan this year after being a Youth Worker in London for the last 18 yrs).

However, there are different options My local Macmillan Horizon Centre offers many different complementary therapies ( free) : Acupuncture/ Reiki/ Yoga/ Massage/ Reflexology/ Health walks/Mindfulness/ Healthy Eating.

Some Hospitals/ Oncology Centres offer complementary therapies too. You could give Macmillan a ring & see what’s in your local area?

There are also monthly meet ups for people who have initial breast cancer too. Your hospital/ Oncology Centre should provide any details if you ask them. Also, see if your Breast Care Nurse knows what is around?

Depending on where you live, the following might be helpful: Maggie’s Centres, The Haven, Penny Brohn ( Bristol) has short residentials too. You could google for the different details.

Breast Cancer Care has useful info too:

https://www.breastcancercare.org.uk/search/google/Moving%20Forward

https://www.breastcancercare.org.uk/information-support/publication/breast-cancer-in-younger-women-bcc66

https://www.breastcancercare.org.uk/information-support/support-you/younger-women-together

Love Judith xx