So scared of it spreading

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was diagnosed Tuesday with Breast Prov grade 3 Invasive Ductal Carcinoma. I am 38 and so scared, I went to the hospital in May and a consultant told me it was just enlarged glandular tissue and sent me away. I kept worrying so went back and they did a biopsy and I was given this news Tuesday. I just keep wishing I'd gone back sooner but the first consultant was so confident, it's now had at least 6months that I know of to grow because she didn't do further investigation. The nurse said she thinks it is stage 1, I am having an operation on 23rd to remove it and then to have chemo after Christmas. I am so scared that it is going to spread between now and the 23rd. I keep having panic attacks and I'm just not coping well. I feel like anything I eat might aggrevate it. If I'm not coping now I don't know how I will cope with chemo. At the age of 30 I had a breakdown about my morality and this is sending me down so low and treatment hasn't even started yet. I can't see a way through right now. I just want to wake up and it's all a bad dream. You all seem so strong and I admire you for that. I am hoping to hear from the doctor today in regards to antidepressants or sleeping tablets but again I don't want to anger it and make it spread. 

Thank you for listening to me

  • Hi I am so sorry you are going through this at such a young age.  It is scary getting a cancer diagnosis but try not to panic as breast cancer is very treatable these days with very high success rates.  There are many women living long happy lives after beating breast cancer even in instances where it had spread.

    You'll feel a lot better after surgery once you know they have removed it.  The waiting for procedures and results is the toughest part of the whole process but you will get there.

  • Thank you for getting back to me. Every day feels so long. I just want it out and I feel exhausted. I want to feel like I'm actually doing something. It's like sitting in a room with a thin door and there is a beast in the other room that wants to kill me and someone says just sit there for 2 weeks and wait! X

  •  I still remember the agony of waiting, it was much worse than the treatment itself.  You just want to get on with it and be rid of the cancer asap so you know it's out and can't do any harm.

    I had to wait a whole month between being told I had cancer and having surgery.  My doctors assured me that not much would change with the cancer in that period and I shouldn't worry, but of course you do.

    All you can do is focus on one day at a time and try and keep yourself busy and distracted as much as possible.

  • Your not alone, I'm 36 diagnosed in sept with grade 2 invasive ductal carcinoma. I had lumpectomy 6 weeks ago, the wait is the worst I will agree and I was told although my op got brought forward that the cancer wont change during the waiting period so not to worry. (Easy said than done) the thought of having cancer inside made me feel sick. Best advise is to keep busy I actually opted for no talking about it at all I didnt want to hear any family members speak about it. Think that was just my way of coping but it helped pass time. The worst part for me was having to choose wether to have Chemo or not which I have just decided today after been left to think it over for the past week and half. I think I've emotionally drained myself doing nothing but thinking about it now. I'm scared also what to expect with Chemo not sure when I will be having it but i think it will be soon. If I can offer any advice once I'm started on it I will let you know. X

  • Sorry to hear that you’re going through such a frightening time. This definitely seems the right place to turn. I am a 39 year old single Mum of two and was diagnosed with breast cancer in June. I ended up having a mastectomy and flap diep reconstruction on my left breast in august. Unfortunately it was also in the lymph nodes. I had been advised to have further surgery to remove more lymph nodes but only after getting the all clear from bone and CT scans. I completely empathise with you at the moment, it truly is a very sobering and frightening moment waiting for and not knowing the outcome of results. I personally found it helpful to prepare myself mentally for the worst case scenario but without allowing myself to dwell on it and then kept myself busy and distracted. I cleared out my spare room and made some small home improvements and started gearing up for Christmas as I knew whatever the results I would be in chemotherapy by then regardless. I found by trying to face it it allowed me some element of control. I realise this isn’t going to be the best approach for everyone but wanted to pass on what I found helpful. There is no right or wrong way to cope in this situation only your own way, whatever that is and if you need extra support and help I think you shouldn’t think twice. I’m sure the benefits far out way the negatives in this situation and sleep and mental health are just as important as treating the cancer itself. I’m sure your breast care nurses and GP will give you the best advice. 

    your breast care nurses sound positive which I would take comfort from. I felt a huge relief after surgery and I have just had my second surgery a week ago. I find out the results of that at the begning of December. They’re not wrong when they call it your cancer journey! It’s certainly a marathon and not a sprint. Just take things day by day or hour by hour. Like one of the previously ladies said and in a much more articulate and inspiring way I might add! cancer is very treatable now and there are so many amazing things they can do. Wishing you all the luck for your results. 

  • Thank you for your reply. Yes the waiting is horrendous. I know that even after the op is the next wait for what stage it is at and if it has spread etc. I am exhausted already. Everyone is being so kind which helps xx

  • Hello Strawberry4, thank you for your message. Yes it being inside of me is terrifying, I just want to claw it out and knowing it has been there since I first went in is awful. I am just so worried it will spread during all the waiting. I called Nuffield but they said at this stage they didn't think I would be seen any quicker. I hope the chemo goes well for you. They have said I have to have it with a target treatment. I just want to wake up and for it all to have been a nightmare. Hugs to you xxx

  • Thank you for your reply, I don't really understand the process and keep asking the nurses but I'm not sure I get it. I am worried that if there is any activity in my nodes after my op that I will then just be sitting and waiting until chemo if that makes sense? I have asked several times why can't I have an MRI or CT and they said because my original node on my biopsy is ok 'they think' but they are double checking during the surgery so I am very confused about it all as I just keep thinking if they are wrong and missed it surely I should get a scan? My mind is in overdrive, 7 days to go now. Hugs to you xx

  • I thought the exact same yesterday, just want to wake up and be a bad dream. I'm just trying to keep myself busy and dont think about it, although every time my phone rings I think it's the hospital calling me in for my picc line! I'm so glad we are going into the winter months I can cosy up at home if I'm not feeling sociable. 

    Hugs to you aswel xx

  • Hi 

    can I please ask how many lymph nodes were effected? I’ve just had pathology back and there are two macro and two micro even though nothing originally showed on mri or biopsy. Now awaiting full node clearance and terrified. I don’t even want the cat scan as scared of the results.