My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

Hello everyone,

Ailsa, been thinking of you and Chris today and hope you are okay.  Becky, that is great news about you coming to Liverpool.  You will have a great time and I am sure after 5 minutes you will feel like you have known us forever.  I remember us meeting in Newcastle and we all felt that we were as we come across on the thread (not sure if thats a good thing!).  Sorry to hear you have been poorly Fiona and hopefully you are well on the mend now.  Thats a shame you can't make Liverpool but I am sure going to New York will be worth it!  Bren, glad you are feeling a bit more positive and long may it continue.  Its wonderful when you feel like that.  Rosemary, I hope you are okay and taking care of yourself xxx

Nothing new to report here.  I'm a bit bored.com with life.  Running after kids, making dinners, etc and its all a bit lonely to be honest.  I think I am treading water rather than swimming.  I do have lots of good things to look forward to this year but they all seem so far away.  I think I just worry that this is life now and its always going to be about surviving rather than just being happy.  Probably just the january blues and I am sure I will feel happier back to work on Monday.  I am back at work but just working from home this week, whereas I will be back travelling again on Monday.

Anyway, better get on with some work.  Take care penguins.

Gayle xxx

Hi all, I thought I would tell you about my day today.  It has been a nearly good day, which is a first.(yes I meant nearly)

Pension people rang to tell me that I have now got Martins winter fuel allowance, they had told me that I would have to wait until after Jan as my poor love was still with me in the week that they counted it in.  But they have now told me I can have it earlier than expected.

Then I heard from First Choice.  When I cancelled our  holiday to Mexico I had to lose Martin's deposit.  I have been pursauded to book a holiday with some good friends so am going to Cuba in September with them.  I wrote to First Choice to see if they would bend the rules and let me transfer his deposit to my holiday, being as I am paying over the odds as a single person.  Well I heard back today, with a really nice phone call and they have told me they will do this for me.

I also went to our local gym to have a look round and am starting there next week.  It was great.  Lots of people my age, not all young and nubile as I expected.

I have written so many heart felt posts on here and you have listened and supported me, so for a change I thought I would let you share one of my better days.

I hope you all have as good an evening as you can.

So looking forward to seeing some of you in Liverpool.

Love and plenty of (((((((hugs))))))))))) to all you lovely penguins.

I know it is very early days for me and this one better day will probably be one in a sea of bad days.  But it gives me hope that I can make a life for myself and I will get through.  I did not want all that has gone before and will not want all that will go ahead for a while to come yet, but if I have been forced into this new life then I owe it to my darling Martin to live it to the full.

Hello Everyone

Sorry to have been absent for so long... I spent most of december out of the country and then things have been pretty difficult since I got home at new year (as most of you will have seen on facebook...) Finding it very difficult to cope with everything, it just brings back so many memories and there are so many similarities...

Anyway, just wanted to say that I have been checking in when I can and reading all your posts. Patricia, congratulations on the safe arrival of your granddaughter, what a wonderful blessing for you all xxx. Rosemary, you are in my thoughts so much, sending you the biggest hugs and all the strength I have to spare xxx. Ailsa I hope that you have made it through today with some happy memories to help keep you warm xxx

I'll just finish by saying hello to Claire and Daffy, so sorry that you have had to join us but so glad that you found us...

Take care everyone, much love, Manda xxx

Evening xxx

Manda hope things get better xxx Keeping everything crossed xxx

Pam well done and thank you for sharing your `nearly` good day. They do begin to happen more frequently!! That is why I keep swimming as I promised Paul I would.....harder than I ever expected but think I m getting there xx

Gayle sorry to hear you re bored.com but good that you ve got things to look forward to. Cant wait for Liverpool!!

I have been so busy at work this week that I cant wait for the weekend! Need a lie in and got a nice day and night planned with G on Sunday. Liam and Nat are a sbusy as ever and wouldnt have it any other way

Lots of love

Helen xxx

Manda,

Thank you for your good wishes.

The day went as well as we could have hoped.  Having family and close friends around me was a great comfort.

I was so proud of our daughters and grandchildren.  A nearly ten was determined to come to say goodbye to granddad, so his sister, P, just six wanted to be there too.  They were so brave.  A insisted on walking into the chapel beside his mother and sitting with her and me and his aunt in the front pew. P followed with her dad.

There were some lovely tributes from Gary's former colleagues.  I always knew he was at the top of his profession, but to hear their obvious respect for him meant a lot.

Now comes what I think is  the hardest part of all.  Going on without him.   Already I have had to deal alone with minor crises, frozen central heating, leaky taps, and a blocked loo.

 Reading the experiences of other ladies is giving me hope that as Helen says, good days do begin to happen.

Thank you all for sharing your thoughts and experiences.

Daffie xxx

Ailsa, I hope you have been ok today. I have been thinking about you x x x

Amanda so nice to hear from you again. I hope things are starting to improve a litrtle for you x x

Daffie, hugs to help you through the coming days.

Pam, how positive your post sounds, please take care and be 'kind' to yourself.

Rosemary, ((((special hugs)))) to you and your family.

May all wgho post here enjoy peace and harmony over the coming days.

Love and angel hugs x x x Patricia x x x

Morning girls

Not too sure if I'm in the right place myself to be strong - but am willing to give it a go and offer slightly wobbly flippers to ((hug)) you all.........I think we all need to huddle together for the moment and hold each other up.........

Love and lots of comforting ((((((((((hugs)))))))))) to you all

Dot xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Thankyou all for your kind thoughts. The funeral was perfect - it was a civil funeral and was very personal.I wrote a speech and wasnt sure if I'd be able to say it because when I was practicing I kept breaking down, but I managed to do it and I was proud of myself as I've never spoken in public before. My song that I dedicatged to Jack was 'Your'e the best thing' by the Style Council and it was so moving. HIs 81 yr old mother also said a few words - she was amazing. My poor 18 yr old son was so overwhelmed - my daughter who is 14 looked like she wanted to run away - the emotions were too much for her.

Well thats over now but I still have family staying here till the weekend and the kids are off school till monday so nothing feels real at all. This was all a joke wasnt it and he's coming back soon. Thats how it feels.

Clare x

Ooh Dot, get yourself into the middle of the huddle. You are in need of some extra special care yourself. Allow us to help you as you have helped all of us x x x

Clare, well done on making your speech. I know hpow daunting that is as I myself spoke at my husband's funeral too. The feeling that it is all unreal is a common one. Numbness and a kind of denial compound that feeling. (((((hugs))))).

Well I cannot believe that the snow is laying on the ground again. Grrrr..... just when I was getting a little closer to meeting my new grand-daughter.  Fate is against me on this one. Ahh well... we will meet for a cuddle soon... I hope.

Have the best day you can dear friends x x

Love and angel hugs x x x Patricia x x x

Hello everyone and thank you for all your messages and words of support it means such a lot and does help as you all know.  Claire and Daffy I'm pleased your days went well and you did your men proud as we all knew you would, it's a wierd feeling now though isn't it, numb and painful and unreal with everything happening and not happenng all around you. Just keep on taking things at your own pace and let it all soak in and the healing will slowly begin, stay in the middle of the penguin huddle for a while yet and we will all look after you xxxx

Well yesterday was quite a day, mother in law had come to the decision the night before that she would have to find a nursing home for father in law as they were overwhelmed with trying to take care of him at home, very sensible and the Macmillan girls recommended a couple of places and were going in to chat with them in the morning.  So I went over for coffee and to chat with them and they had had "one of those nights" so the decision seemed to be a good one as m-in-law had hurt her back trying to help him overnight and they had been sitting up drinking tea at 2 a.m having finally settled him - they were exhausted.  Next thing the Mac team phone and say that if we would like to go and view the nursing home that morning they would come and look after f-in-law and then if all was ok they could get him in that afternoon.  That was far too fast and pushed poor ma over the edge into a total meltdown, shaking and sobbing and so very frightened.  The short version is that she realised she couldn't do it, she had to keep him at home and wasn't going to let anyone take him anywhere (which we assured her no-one was about to do), but we did then have to insist that she accept help coming in for them and someone there overnight - which thankfully she did.  Again the Mac team were brilliant, came in and had coffee, chatted through all of it, reassurred her everything was entirely her decison and that help was on it's way, bless her she is coping so well with everything and isn't well herself (she only weighs 8st 10 now and was size 16 before all this and her illness started) she is 81 in a couple of weeks and is just overwhelmed by it all now.  It can only be a matter of days, at most weeks but personally I can't see that happening, but at least matters are being taken in hand to keep him more comfortable, less agitated and support for sis and ma in law in the nursing etc.  Steve is still there with them, I don't know if they are aware (hopefully f-inlaw is) but it's odd although I don't feel he has abandonded me I definitely feel his presence has moved from home at the moment, he's done as I asked.

So we're bobbing along and holding tight to the lifeboats, I still hope he doesn't go tomorrow but if he does so be it, after all it's really just another day.  Take care all my lovely friends and thank you again for all your support xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx