My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

Hello everyone. Hi Fiona - you had the same thought as me about the dark nights. I am dreading them as I assume I will get fewer visitors then as well - no one ever wants to go out on dark nights do they?

What is it with us all and not watching TV anymore? I have hours and hours of things sky+'d from when Chris was too ill for me to get the time to watch them. Now I don't want to take the time out to watch them on my own because I know they were all recorded when he was still alive. It will be 2 months tomorrow since Chris died and it seems like far more. For years time has seemed to go by so fast and now it goes by so slowly.

Like you Kev, I get a huge amount of support from coming on this site as it is only on here that I don't feel like I am bothering anyone with my grief.

Hi Elaine. I read thorugh your profile and you have had a really difficult time and now with your poor mum so ill you must feel so drained. I am going to have a look at the wesite you mentioned in a moment.

I have managed to sort out another one of Chris's credit cards today so there aren't many things to sort out now. Good thing really because I am running out of the energy to see to much more now. I have been to the cemetry on the way home from work today and watered all the plants - they look lovely so I think Chris still looks cared for.

Bye for now. Take care everyone. Ailsa xx

Hi everyone. Looks like it's going to be another warm night. We didn't get any thunder storms - feel a bit cheated, I love thunder storms. It is a shame that the church wouldn't let you bury Paul's ashes there especially after they have played such a part in previous ceremonies for your family. You are right not to rush any decision about what to do next. I was talking to Chris's sister a couple of weeks ago. She lost her husband suddenly 8 years ago. He had a heart attack on a golf course. Jackie decided to have his ashes buried under a tree on the golf course but now she finds it difficult to visit. She doesn't play golf so it is odd to go on a golf course when you are not playing. She feels a bit uncomfortable just wandering around. The anniversary of his death is March so she usually goes then because the course is quiet but otherwise she doesn't bother. It is also 14 miles away so it is quite a trip. She now wishes she had put some on the course and some closer to home in a memorial garden. Take your time and keep Paul close for now.

The gym may well fill your evenings in the winter! I am nowhere near so adventurous but I am going to by a Wii fit this weekend!

2 months today since Chris died - I think I have had a better day then I expected to have. Some previous significant days have been very difficult but I kept myself reasonably busy but not so much I wore myself out and that seems to have worked better.
My son has invited me to a race night at the local cricket club tomorrow night. It sounds like fun and I can go with him and his girlfriend so I am going to give it a go. I am looking forward to it - good sign!!
Has anyone else got anything plan for the weekend?
I'm off to bed now - take care.
Ailsa x