My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

welcome back, helen - we have missed you!

Keep on swimmimg!

sue xx

Afternoon All, Well what a day here very wet, I am at work but not busy today. Welcome back to Helen and Judes. Gayle sending you a hug hope things get moving soon for you. My day started bad yesterday just one of those days I felt so lonely and didn't want to go to work, well it just got worse as the day went on as Kim's husband was taken to hospital with chest pains and after some test decided to keep him in and now they are saying he is at risk of a heart attack nice birthday for him today only 36yrs but suppose he is in the best place. I had to see to Charlie last night and he ended up being sick all night don't know if it was s bug or what so not had much sleep, but he seems fine today so he is away to see his dad just now. Well I am sending you all a big hug and think I will have my lunch now. Fiona xxxxxx

Oh Fiona, my dear - what a to-do. I am so sorry that you have been feeling so down, do you think it's related to the dark, dark evenings? I find things very difficult at the moment, and I'm sure that it doesn't help.So sorry too that Kim's husband is in hospital, but as you say he is in the right place - let's hope that they will be able to help him sooner rather than later, and he gets back home where he  doubtless would prefer to be.    and then the little fellow being sick all night - Fiona, you don't do things by halves!!!  ypou must be shattered.

sending you love and hugs

Sue xx

Hi fellow penguins + a big hug to all especially those of u who are new. This site has helped me such a lot as noone minds if u want to have a rant, a moan or just have something nice to pass on.Yippee I spent an hour at the local hospital this morn + have had my id badge + am nearly a fully fledged volunteer -- a bit daunting but I will cope I'm sure. I went to the library reading group this pm + have the historical society tomorrow + a wedding on Friday. Miss my soul mate so much but I am starting to pick myself up -- though I still get the down days.I have been reading some of  your tales of how u were treated --I know it wont change things but I think I will write certain things down -- as we didnt have a lot of help during the 1st lot of radio + chemo + things only improved when a friend who's a nurse complained. I think a lot of us are of the impression that its not nice to make a fuss. Well penguins we'll have to huddle up with these long cold dark nights because we'll all probably get our low points -- I know I'm dreading xmas + the 1st anniversary --- as I said b4 big hugs ( cwches) to all xxx lynda

Great big (((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))) to you all x x x

Love and angel hugs x x x Patricia x x x

Well done, Lynda, on the volunteering - I'm sure that you will be great, and of course you bring a different dimension to the job because you will be full of empathy  for the suffering patients and their carers. We all know how hard it is for   the families!

 I start my voluntary work on Friday. I'm going to work for a charity called Sense, which works with the deaf/blind. The centre  is a family support centre, and I shall be working with the 'Twiglets', who are the very littlest people - up to about 3 years old.           They do fantastic work there, and I'm looking forward to it, but apprehensive all the same.     http://www.sense.org.uk/  

Love to all my friends

Sue xx

Evening everyone.  Welcome back Helen & Judi.  Judi I know just what you mean about mum & dads treating us like we are 7.  I know my mum & dad care deeply but they often crowd me as well.  They are off on a cruise for a couple of weeks at the weekend and I will make the most of the time they are away.  My problem with my parents is bridging the age gap between them and my children.  That can be awkward at times.  Your new house sounds all lovely and cosy.  I'm sure your pair feel very much at home already.  Helen I am glad to hear you & G had such a lovely time in Edinburgh.  Now I have been to Glasgow a couple of times I really need to go to Edinburgh.

Pam you did really well writting to PALs about Martin's treatment & care.  Chris didn't see any specialists in the last month of his life and it had been almost 3 months since he had seen his surgeon.  I didn't hear anything from them when he died.  I found that very difficult as when they were treating him it seemed as though they really cared.  At the time I wanted to hear from any of them but decided they were probably getting on with their new patients and more promising cases.  I didn't want to set myself up for disappointment so I didn't bother to contact them.  Chris was originally a private patient but on diagnosis was advised by the surgeon to transfer to NHS for continuity of care.  Chris always got the impression that the oncologist was really only interested in succeeding and that once he became a lost cause they wanted to brush him aside.  I will never know whether that was true but a card or a note from the team would have made so much difference.  I hope you get some answers.  I was always afraid of being ignored so did nothing.  It will be interesting to see what sort of response you get.  You are doing so well.  I still get incredibly lonely so you know we are always here for a chat & a baileys.

Becky I'm glad to hear they are being very careful about when you are ready to return to work.  I went back after only a month and so did some of the others.  Looking back now I know I wasn't really ready and the only good thing to come out of going back when I did was the return to a distracting routine.  My memory was shocking for a good long while - it isn't that great now!  My concentration was badly affected and I also got tired very easily so take your time going back.

Sue I love the penguin.  I missed your pictures for a few weeks so it is nice to see one again.  I hope you are okay yourself.

Fiona I hope Kim's husband is soon alright.  It must be very worrying ofr you and Kim to have him in hospital.  Worrying really seems to make me feel even more lonely so take care.  I hope Charlie has stopped being sick - poor little man.

Lynda good luck with the hospital volunteering.  It sounds like you have a few groups planned.  Does this mean you are going to be another busy one?  I don't seem to be able to slow down at all so just go steady.

It is miserable and cold outside here tonight and I can't put off going to the supermarket another night or I may just starve so take care everyone.  Ailsa xxx

Evening Patricia & Sue.  Sue you will be great with the little ones again so don't worry.  Good luck with it.  Ailsa xxx

Evening everyone xxxx

Linda sounds like you re doing good, hang in there xx

Sue good luck with your voluntary work!!! Little ones again! Great fun!

Ailsa Edinburgh is lovely, having the lovely weather helped too.

The nights are certainly dark again! Not dreading them as much as I was last year but still not good.

Nat is back tonight, bless her she s not feeling well so sure she ll be glad to be home. Dontknow about you lot but 2 weeks is a long time for me when on holiday, usually ready to come home after a week or 10 days.

Had a few e mails off Liam, he is having a good time although missing home a bit. He is doing 2 weeks work experience in the government offices at the moment.

Fiona hope your son in law is on the mend soon, hopefully just a warning and can look after himself now x

I havent got my mum and dad to baby me but certainly my in laws are always looking out for me, which is lovely. I really do appreciate it.

Well I am still so pleased to be back on line!!

Big hugs Helen xxx

Evening girls - just sending you all ((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))) xxxxxxxxx