My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

FormerMember
FormerMember
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My husband - Chris - died on the 2nd May 2009 because he had anal cancer. He knew he was going and we spoke about lots and lots of things before he died. That is why I am just not prepared for the huge amount of guilt I feel now. I feel guilty that the world hasn't stopped turning round even though he has died. I feel like everything should stop as a mark of respect. I also feel very guilty that he had to be so ill he had to die. What a cruel cruel thing it is to make someone so ill their body just stops working. I wasn't ready for him to go. I really really hope these are normal feelings because I must hang on to my sanity for the sake of my 3 children. I have never known sadness like I feel right now. I can't believe that I will not hear his voice or feel his touch again. We were married for almost 32 years and I have known Chris for 34 years - since I was 16. What happens now? Ailsa

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    FormerMember in reply to FormerMember

    Just sending big hugs to all that need them . Loking forward to the weekend xxxxLynnexxxxx

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    I hope everyone has a good meet in london this weekend -- very sorry to miss meeting all u lovely penguins, but as I'll be off to Heathrow on Monday it just wasnt possible Hope u have something else planned soon. Having a bad week this week missing Cyril very much as we nearly always travelled together + its nice to have company on a long flight, anyway I have got a book + a mag to take to help pass the hours --- love + hugs to all xx  lynda

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    Gayle, good luck with the home issues. Perhaps you were meant to find something else and hopefully more suitable for you and the boys.

    Lynne I hope today is a little better for you. Keep that North smile going hun.  How is your dad by the way?

    Lynda, sending you hugs because you are in need of them right now as you prepare to travel without your beloved Cyril. It is so hard to do things when we have always been used to having that special somone with us to share it. I hope you manage to enjoy your journey to China. I am sure it will be worth it.

    Ailsa, I hope the house removals are bnow complete.

     Fiona, I wish I could get into my knitting too but my concentration levels are at an all time low (probably not entirely due to bereavement as I have always thought). How is your dad doing at the moment?

    Ailsa, is the house moing completed yet?

    Rosemary, I hope you are ready to meet your fellow penguins. Ise this time to recharge your batteries. Oh and how are the wedding plans going?

    Judi we miss you and your pearls of wisdom. come back soon.

    Lesley, Manda, Helen, Dot, Teri, Dave, Bren, Sue and oh my gosh anyone I may have missed - sorry- I hope you all have a reasonable day today.

    Love and angel hugs x x x Patricia x x x

     

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    FormerMember in reply to FormerMember

    I want to wish you all a lovely time for your meet this weekend.  Gayle I do hope your moving problems get sorted very soon, that is so stressful for you.  Sending hugs to everyone.  Hope your day is better today Lynne.

    Yesterday I asked Dan for our song and I had only driven a few blocks - there it was on the radio!  So I drove in to work with tears streaming down my face, it was from him I am sure of that.  It was a tough day, I have now lived alone for a year and still hate it.   But I have my group tonight and am in better shape today.  I probably should have just called in sick yesterday, was not in the proper mood to deal with people but it is over and a few more big dates to get through coming up.  A friend is coming over on the weekend to work on my computer and hopefully get the old one working so I will have a back up and we will probably go out for dinner or a movie or both.  It does help to have plans. 

    Hope you all have a good day and enjoy your meet those of you who are going to London. 

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    FormerMember in reply to FormerMember

    Bren, climb into the middle of the huddle along with Lynne and Gayle. I suspect others are already there. My arms are long and getting longer in order to encircle you all.

    Love and angel hugs  x x x Patricia x x x

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    FormerMember in reply to FormerMember

    Holding onto your hands and keeping them safe Patricia!  Big big hug for you Bren, of course Dan sent you the song, it helps a little but it still makes it hurt doesn't it xxxx Lynne, Gayle and all you lovely penguins stay snug, Patricia and I are on duty tonight! xxxxxxx

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    I'll join the duty watch too............Stay snuggled in the middle everyone that needs to xxx

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    FormerMember in reply to FormerMember

    Evening all

     

    Bren how lovely you got a song!!! Like you say living alone doesnt get any easier., I see friends and even my boyfriend now but still the empty house!!

    Big hugs to everyone, we are down this journey in time but it doesnt always make it easier. Cant wait for the Londn meet, one more day at work then I will pack!! Shall I bring a bottle of wine lol!!

    Still busy at work but not as tired this week!!! Liam goes away this time next week, cant believe it! Away for 2 1/2 months then Nat goes off to Egypt for 2 weeks. Still got lots planned, will have to keep busy and just booked Christmas day lunch to go out wihich will be nice.

    See the penguins who are going on Sat and big hugs to everyone else xxxxx

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    Morning all Thanks for keeping me safe in the middle of the muddle , always rely on you lovely penguins xxx I dont think Gayle will mind me saying but i dont think she will make it to London today , i have changed my train ticket to sat and will meet the others either at the hotel or at the resturant . Ailsa and Rosemary , what time will you be at the hotel and do you know how far it is to the resturant . I know Helen , Amanda and Mandy are going straight to the resturant and checking in later , i get to st pancress at 12 ish so will probably go straight to the hotel , now when i say straight to the hotel i probably mean via Kent or something (Gayle stop worrying , i can do it i'm a big girl now lol ) . I'm Gutted your missing it Mybaby penguin but you really should concentrate on the house move and i hope the "lady" has moved out today . Keep us posted hun . xx

     Well as i'm not traveling today and i'm off work i'm going to try and get a few things done in the house .

     Hugs Bren , yes living on your own is not all a bed of roses hun and i dont supose it will get any better for us , thank goodness we invite freinds into our homes everynight (via the internet that is lol )

    We;re not sure whats happening with dad at the moment , the infections on his tongue could be something else but of course as usual theire leaving him a month before biopsies aghhh . what next ...

    Take care everybody else .

    Thanks for the chat Patricia amd Helen . Hope your feeling a little better today too Amanda   1 sleep xxxx

     Take care Lynne xxxxx

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    FormerMember in reply to FormerMember

    Quick, quick, quick as can be so I don't get teh sack!  Just want to say hello and I miss you and I promise I am building up my news and stories and will completely HOG the thread when I am back online.   To those of you lucky enough to be meeting in London, make sure Rosemary has a glug of Bailey's for me - hugs to all but teh biggest hug for my munchkin, who I have just read is having problems with the previous (sadly current) tenant ..... sorry just can't bring myself to type the word L....A....D....Y.... about her.  Let your BF help if he can hun, and try, try to keep yourself helathy through this ok ...... oh and PS - I would say that it is highly unlikely that anyone English understood what a 'poke' of chips was hun, so they were probably a bitty concerned as to what you had planned for them anyway!!!

    Bren, I can just imagine how many tears when your song came on ... but you know what ... there will come a time - in about a year (I speak as a very, very wise one here because your lovely Dan passed exactly a year to the day after my darling Ed) when you ask for such a sign - and it appears - it will warm you through to your very core and a gorgeous and knowing smile will appear on your face and others will look and wonder at what could give you such a glow of love.  ((((((   ))))))

    Must go, boss walking towards me!

    So much love

    Judes xxxx