My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

  Hi Bren Sorry I am not much help either I have just had Bert's birthday and his date of diagnosis in the same weekend and all the things I had planned I could not so and ended up at home doing nothing. I had thought I would keep busy and take the kids out for dinner then let off some sky lanterns but could not bring myself to do any of it. The kids went out on their own

I must admit I was glad to go back to work today   it was really busy after the bank holiday and so I did not have time to think of anything but the next person on the phone.   Some days I feel better at work and other days not so good. I have been taking swimming lessons and they are doing me good at least getting me out. As soon as my shoulder is a bit better I will be taking driving lessons too.

Hugs to all who need or want them

Love Teri

Bren, Manda, Teri, my thoughts are with you all in these difficult times. I do not have any usefulo words of wisdom as we all deal with our grief etc in different ways. This weekend (Sunday) is Ray's birthday and it is the second one without him.  On the Saturday I am doing the 'Walk in Their Shoes' local hospice charity walk in his honour. It is only 5 miles but every step I take will be for him (and my mum).  I have had a phone call today from the doctor asking me to ring them re-my blood results. I now have to wait and worry until Monday to find out what is wrong with them as there is surely a problem if they have rung me. Unfortunately my youngest son is aware also so he is worried too.(bummer).

I hope everyone has the best evening they can.

Love and angel hugs x x x Patricia x x x

Evening everyone.  I think Gayle must be right about the change in seasons having an affect on our moods.  This seems to be a difficult time for some of us for one reason or another.  First of all - welcome Temple.  I may have said that already but my memory is still letting me down when I am tired.  I am not sleeping to well again but I will go to bed earlier tonight and try to fix that.

Bren I am not sure what to suggest that you do for Thanksgiving and Dans anniversary.  Lynne gave some good advice about not being on your own and making sure you have some friends nearby.  I got in a right state before the 2nd May and ended up waiting to re-live the whole thing again so please make sure you don't do that.  Like Teri I planned to spend the evening with family and release sky lanterns but that didn't really work out.  My family stayed with me but mostly because they were worried.  I think I would have been better planning something more positive like Helen & Lynne did.  I love my family but they were all anxious about the date as well so I worried about them.  I think having a very close friend nearby might be the answer but that would be for me and we are all different.

Lynne, Manda have a good time in York at the weekend.  I am looking forward to London the following weekend.  Lynne I love camping but I wouldn't go this late in September now it is getting colder.  Well done for trying though.

Teri good luck with the swimming and the driving later as well.  You will enjoy your freedom when you pass.

Patricia you did fantastically driving to Ireland.  I can say that hand on heart as I know how proud I feel for doing the whole Scotland trip.  I did my trip on my own though and you were brave enough to take your MIL.  I am glad it helped you to understand each other.  It sounds like you had some wonderful moments as well as the hiccups.  Lots of ((((((hugs)))))).

Dot it is nice to hear that you & Alan had a nice break and good weather.  Welcome home to you both & your new little penguin friend.

Rosemary I hope your FIL has recovered from his fall.  Did you enjoy your swimming on Saturday.  I love swimming but it isn't good for my hair so I am going to do lots of dancing when I finish the garage and get becky in her own house. 

We are very near the end as far as Becky's move goes.  However, as with most of these things it has to get worse before it gets better.  This weekend I have to drive the Luton van to Becky's old house and bring back the big furniture.  I am determined to stay positive but it all seems a bit daunting right now.  I have driven one before but that was about 5 years ago.  I'm older now!!!!!  I am going on Saturday and coming back on Sunday.  By Monday it will be done.  I have booked myself a nail appointment for Monday afternoon to celebrate a job well done.

Gayle I'm glad you had a good night out on Friday.  I am going out this Friday on a leaving do from work.  I can't stay out too late or drink too much as I have the drive to do but the really nice thing is both my daughters are going with me.  I haven't been in town with them both before.  The last time Becky lived up here Toni wasn't old enought to go out with us.  It will be something different.  I hope the packing is still going okay.

Helen I'm glad you had a good time in Blackpool.  I hope the teenager thng is settling a bit.  Unfortunately I have to echo Rosemary and say it isn't just teenagers but I think they get a little better with age.

Well I have some grouting to do tonight to keep to my schedule so I should be off.  I have been very tearful since I got back from Scotland - I know I am just missing Chris.  It's that old "not able to share things with him" that is getting me down.  I think I need a couple of nice weekends away with friends to cheer me up - funny that!  Take care everyone.  Ailsa xxx

Sorry - that was a very long post.  Patricia our posts must have crossed.  Why must you wait all the way until Monday for the blood results?  Is there no way someone will se you sooner as that is a long time to worry especially with Ray's birthday as well.  Please take care.  Ailsa xxx

A big hug to all you fellow penguins especially those of you who are feeling down or unwell at the moment. I'm glad those of you who have been on holiday have managed a good time -- sorry your trip to Ireland wasnt as plain sailing as you would have liked Patricia -- The weekend has been very busy + sleep deprived with the grandson here -- but we managed 2 lovely days out going down to carmarthen to ride on the thomas the tank railway + the following day a visit to the national botanic gardens -- which were looking lovely with the autumn colours ( had to keep hold tight to the busy bee who was trying to take a dip in the fish pool ) but not a dull moment when he's around.Got invited to join 2 ladies from the book club for lunch at a nearby pub  today enjoyed as I met a lady there who I was in school with. Got to think about clothes etc for the china trip ( as long as they will let me have a visa ) Well penguins will stop waffling -- love to you all xx lynda

Evening All, Amanda and Bren thinking of you both, and i think having family and friends about helped me on my first anniversary, can't believe i will soon be at my 2nd anniversary where has the time gone still have bad days. Helen and Lynne glad you had a good weekend, Lynne how's your dad doing these days? Gayle you gettting your packing done? I have had a friend in for a coffee tonight so passed the night, the nights are drawing in fast and i dread them. Patricia Monday seems a long time for you to wait before you see the doctor. I went to have my blood test for my thyroid yesterday to be told i have low blood pressure so got to go back and have it checked again once my results come back from my thyroid. Dottie glad you and Alan had a nice time on holiday. Well off to make my coffee before bedtime. Sending hugs to you all. Fiona xxxxxxxxxxxxx 

Hello everyone

Well I have part of Thanksgiving sorted out,  I will have dinner with a good friend, her husband always goes hunting with the guys for Thanksgiving so we will have dinner at her house or mine and maybe go to the craft fair that is on that weekend so that is one problem sorted out.  I had a meeting about another group starting up with the church connected to my school.  It will be Mondays after Thanksgiving for 7 weeks so I will be in two groups Mondays and Thursdays and one of my friends is also in both.  Then I will need to start doing something other than bereavement groups once they are done, I will need some lighter social activity. 

Work is still crazy busy but there is a light at the end of the tunnel, I will have some help hired but probably not until October.  I can look forward to that though. 

I have almost finished sorting out the living room once again, this time though I think I like it like this.  Only problem is that I moved a cabinet that had painted shelves and now I hate the colour of the shelves so I won't put anything back until I have repainted them and now have clutter everywhere!  I should get that done on the weekend I hope. 

Teri, well done on the swimming, I have had a frozen shoulder and that is the worst pain I have ever had.  I am glad you are getting the shots and hope it improves very quickly.  Patricia I will be thinking of you and hope the news from the doctor is something very easily dealt with.   Ailsa and Gayle, good luck with the moves.  What a lot of work that is.  I have been thinking of when I retire possibly in about 5 years, if I would want to move and where I would want to go but the thought of packing up this house is enough to make me stay put!  Right now I would probably think of moving near Cornwall, Ontario to be close enough to relatives to visit but not too close but in 5 years who knows where I will end up. 

I have been hearing "Light My Fire" which has special significance to Dan and me on the radio almost every time I turn it on now.  Seems like he is saying hi to me. 

Good night penguins, hope you all have a good rest tonight.

Morning everyone

Ailsa good luck this weekend, you are van man/woman  driver of the year!!! Sure you ll be fine xx Look forward to seeing you all in London.

The first year anniversary was nt as hard as I expected but like Ailsa said mainly due to having Paul`s fundraising night to concentrate on. As we ve found with so many dates the build up is often a lot worse than the actual date. Still tough and I am thinking of you all as you come up to it, I know Manda, Lesley and Dave are all very close in dates next month and I am thinking of you all xxx Bren glad you ve started making some plans, it does help xxx

Like Fiona I suddenly thought the other day when someone asked, it is 16 months since Paul died!! Where has that time gone? I have changed my life so much when I look back too with my job, seeing G but one big thing is missingand aswe all know that cant be replaced so what choice do we have? Just keep swimming!! More literally with some of us lol!!! Well done ladies. all this exercise!

Gayle hope your week is going ok, glad you had a good night on Friday. Lynne well done on your camping, or are you completely mad hee hee!!!

Patricia poor you!!! What a journey, nothings easy it it!!! Hope your blood tests are ok xxx

Yes I had a lovely weekend in Blackpool, the weather was awful but the hotel/B and B was nice and we had a few drinks and a lovely meal. So this weekend is G`s surprise and we re going to Manchester!! Staying near the Trafford Centre which should be good. He doesnt get many weekends off so making the most of it!!

Cant wait to see you all the weekend after in London!!!

I ve swapped today so working this afternoon instead of this morning so should get some jobs done!

Have a good day everyone

Helen xxxx

Morning girls

Helen - enjoy your weekend away....Trafford Centre = retail therapy = more treats??

Ailsa - having moved many times over the years I can empathise with all the travelling up and down to shift boxes/furniture/stuff.  Hope the traffic is not too bad or the furniture too heavy to move.....

Bren - I don't know if I could make any suggestions to help you pass that day - but spending time with a good friend sounds like the best plan........(((hug))) xx

Lynne - we were always fair weather campers - but even so we still had cold nights and muddy fields........Well done for persevering!!!!  Hope you're now dried out and warm again??

Patricia - hope all is well with your blood tests - but can't you get in earlier - why not ask if there have been any cancelled appointments for this week???  It is unfair of your doc to ring like that and then expect you to wait for a week before seeing him/her.......

Gayle, Fiona, Dave and anyone else I've missed - sorry!  But have a special (((hug))) xx

We're OK - and looking forward to another holiday in a couple of weeks.....The builder turned up before 8 this morning - after spoiling my day yesterday by not appearing at all!!!  So we may soon have a shower that doesn't make the room into a paddling pool!!!  Whooppee!!!!

Love and (((hugs)))) to everyone

Dot xxxxxxxxxxxx

Grrr just lost my post....try again!

Hello everyone,

I'm glad you had a nice time in Scotland Ailsa and you will be fine with van although I am sure you are well scunnered by it all.  I bet you are looking forward to some space again though.  Helen, you are turning into a jetsetter - first blackpool, then Manchester then London lol!  Can't wait to see you next weekend too.  Bren, that sounds like a good plan for the anniversary and some sound advise from the other penguins.  I like what you said about the song on the radio.  I am sure it is a sign.  The build up to the anniversary for me was awful and the other penguins promised me I would feel much better when it passed and they were right so trust them :)  My hubbie died on Fathers day which was the Sunday so I spent that with family and the boys and was okay but the actual anniversary fell on the Monday this year.  I decided to spend it alone and went to the crematorium.  I did hit rock bottom and felt very very bad.  All I can say is if it wasn't for my boys I would have lost the plot quite a few times since Wully died but I can't luckily.  The day after the anniversary I felt much better though and the texts on the day from penguins helped a lot. 

Well I am still busy busy and trying to motivate myself for this move.  I really need to get my finger out.  I have booked the removals and done all the important stuff, plus I sold £700 worth of stuff on Ebay last night although we now have nowhere to eat our dinner or a bed for my parents to sleep in :)  Never thought of that lol.  I've got another load of stuff to put on today and then that is me.  Hopefully this weekend I will get stuck into it although out Friday night so hopefully no hangover this weekend!

Take care penguins

Gayle xxx