This is so hard. I have a couple of better days then I hurtle down into the depths of despair again. There are still days when I don't even want to get out of bed, when walking the dog is a huge effort. It's ten months and I miss him more and more. Nobody seems to have time to talk, I feel isolated and unnecessary. I wish I could have gone with him. Life on my own feels worthless. I feel worthless.
Good description. We have to search for the pieces. Many are missing and we cannot replace them. Nobody tells us we have to make up the pieces with what we have left ..which actually feels like nothing. After all the suffering , pain and heartache what are we left with ??? Nothing of the life that we had taken away,. Robbed of the future we had planned for . We try to carry on doing the day to day chores , And I often wonder ...whats the point ? I worked hard to make a home out of the Ugly Bungalow we thought was our last home , Well Hellfire ! it was his last !
Spent hours and lots of real graft transforming a space of mud , stones and weeds into Beautiful gardens. All for Nothing .I couldn't leave that place fast enough. And now I feel untethered ..Adrift . Depressed . I don't know who I am anymore . I feel like I left my Hubby in Scotland Will his soul/Spirit know where I am now? I don't feel he's come with me . "Till Death do us part " He was hard work sometimes , but I would never have left him. Though I feel he has left me . I look for signs , but there really is nothing. I do see crosses in the sky which a plane often leaves in the mornings when i walk the dogs in the Park . And I kid myself that My Love is sending me kisses. So sad .
Aww Breton!
Yes everything is so hard without them. I used to think that about Jay too and sometimes he could be a piece of work and I could see him far enough at times but in some way we were well suited had our arguments- some `stormers` but always made up in the end and it was like that saying `Can't live with them, but can't live without them` and I am finding that our now having to actually live without him. That's a lovely way to look at it with the vapour trails in the sky from the planes need to remember that one
.I think we all wonder sometimes who we are now and where we fit in without them. I still feel like a stranger now even with my own family. I sometimes wonder `What's the point`? too but you just carry on for them as you promised and for the rest of the family. Sending you big hugs. Take Care.
Vicky x
