Advice please

Hi Spirit, this has happened to me many times over the last two years. It is overwhelming and can be quite frightening in its intensity. When it happens, I have to ‘Go with it’. It goes between feeling heartbroken, sobbing, loss, depression, apathy, exhaustion. I tend to cry myself to sleep, and then usually I get up and feel calmer. The things that have helped are; acknowledging our love and accepting that I wouldn’t change a single moment together, acknowledging that the situation is sh…., dark humour, setting myself five to ten things a day to do, reading psychology books on grief, bloodymindedness, getting out of the house, talking to people that don’t know me, wine, our border collie. Knowing that it does pass, Kate.xxx

Thankyou for your response Kate. I keep hoping I'll feel better tomorrow, but every day I wake up feeling the same. The loneliness is crippling, but I don't know what to do or where to go. I don't drive, and I can't leave my dog for too long. I feel trapped in my life. I get up and count the hours til bedtime. 

Hi Spirit!

I just passed the 3rd anniversary of Jay's passing- yesterday (14th) ironically would have been his funeral- I still get like this like what you are talking about. I've come on here before and spoke about my `F**k It`! weeks where I still get weeks where I don't want to do anything, go anywhere or see anyone. The last couple of weeks have been like this (mid June going into July) because it was when he passed and that little gap that little `lull` between him passing and then everything going through with paperwork etc for funeral arrangements. I still have those days as you speak about when I feel I am moving forwards and then something will happen that knocks me right back. As Kate says you do eventually just learn to `go with it` and just like an unwelcome visitor it will eventually leave. Sending Hugs

Vicky xx

Have you got any decent bus routes to the library, etc ? Books have been very important for me. They are a great distraction, and gives the mind a rest. Crime, romance, anything interesting. 

I do read a lot, I've read many books on bereavement and grief over the past months. I used to think I was good at being alone and 'amusing myself' (only child) but this is on another level. It's the sudden plunge into desperation that I'm struggling with, but those of you with more experience are such a help. Just knowing people in the same situation. My friends are kind and caring, but when we end a call they have their husbands and I'm alone. I wouldn't wish this on anyone, but you really do have to be there to understand. x

I have found that I have to continually re-focus on anything positive. Today, I have sprayed Febrese over my border collie’s bed, changed the filter in the hoover, folded fresh washing, noticed the wildlife in our garden and I will have a lovely cheese and tomato sandwich. Small wins, but satisfying. 

Yep! `Small wins` Kate. They're good when they happen. Just come back in from being out in the garden sunbathing- wee bit too warm 25/26 degs in Glasgow today but nothing compared to what the weather is like down south. Looking after my son's dog for him this week they are away on holiday so wee bit more company for `Jack`- and me! she's no bother at all and such a big docile thing a labrador and of course the tail just never stops wagging

Similar, spirit, im 9 months along, last week also my birthsay whete i spent mist of the day at the hospital with an ulcer in my eye. So ive not been out of the house since Sunday.

Ive sobbed and sobbed today,  I realused how much I rely on the things I do go to which Ive been missing due to the heat. Choir, art therapy, bereavement groups, its jyst all been too hot. And now im on antivirals which make me feel sick. 

I just go with it, allow myself to feel, and hope tomorrow is better. Sometimes it is, at the moment it usually isnt. 

Like you fruends have their own lives and family is scattered. 

I try to be grateful for little things but sometimes even that it too hard.  Today, my pyracanthus got cut back and I thought how nice it looked, thats about it.

Thats why heree is a life line. X

You poor Darling, that sounds awful. Drink lots of water to help with your eyes. It is truly horrible for you to be going through this. Sending huge hugs, Kate.xxx

I did feel sorry for you reading this, not feeling your best and grieving is horrible and the heat does not help, it is a little cooler now so hope that helps.  I am sure once you get back to your helpful groups you will start to cope again.  One day at a time is my best advice and much easier. I hope by the time you receive this you are feeling better.

Vicki